You'll find them always behind a charming facade. They need to pretend they are something they're not, in order to trap you on their web.
They say you the sweetest things. They act like if they care about you. But there's always something strange, something unreal on their behaviour. Something that makes you distrust, be wary.
Then one day, the truth is discovered, and their real self arises. And their real self turns to be a monster: the nightmare begins.
It doesn't matter all your effort on listening and being listened. It doesn't matter anything you do, the chances you give. They all will be smashed, mocked on, laughed at.
You'll be insulted. Your judgement will be insulted. Your friends will be insulted. They'll try by all means making you feel insecure, dirty, worthless: They need you feeling insecure, dirty and worthless, they need that you depend on them so they can throw, furious, all their misery on you.
There are abusers in both lives. In both lives, they'll tell you that they're not a monster, they'll try always blaming you for their behaviour. They always try making you feel miserable, by promising a change that will never happen, and then saying that it's your fault if they've not changed, because you've not cared about them. In Secondlife, they will even be cheeky enough as for telling you that in their real lives, they're not like this.
Abusers can't hide they are abusers once the mask has fallen on the floor and revealed the monster that was behind.
So be strong. Don't listen at them. Push them as far as you can from your life, it's the only way you can "win". Never play on the playground for an abuser. It will be only your loss. Your time and your energies will be the only wasted ones.
Abusers never change.
As soon as you identify one... run away.
Unfortunately, I'm talking by experience here. And as expected, the abuser still has the nerve of blaming everybody because of his lies being discovered and his true colors being exposed again, with an increasing and never ending rage that shows, once more, that his sweet promises of change were the same lie that he is.
Abusers never change.
Repeat that all the times you need when you find one. And run away. Don't feel guilty: they won't feel bad about making you miserable, so you don't have to feel guilty for escaping from them. They never change. Never.