Sunday, November 18, 2012

Reflections about reflecting

It's interesting how things change regarding to what is acceptable for you to say in public, depending on how known you are or what "position" you're in. This happens in that other world that we call "the real world" and it happens in SL as well. It seems that when nobody knows you, it's acceptable that you talk about your feelings and whatever goes on your mind, your life, or any other aspect that you choose to show. But when you're kind of a "public person" (whatever that means), then by no means you should dare to say in loud voice what you're thinking, what's going on in your life, what the reasons behind your decisions are.

Many things that are acceptable when you're unknown, turn into unprofessional once you are more known. I can understand this up to some point: you always have a responsibility over what you say, so the more people know and read you, the more careful you should be about what you say, specially if it involves others. Actually, you should be careful always, but specially, the more known you are.

I sure get the point about matters like not making false accusations, and I try my words to be accurate, specially when they refer to facts that border some unclear lines, staying on the safe side: innocent until proven guilty. (I know of at least one kind of human that prefers instead to continue accusing by implying of something so grave as copybotting, even after the kind of person was explained why the person she seems to dislike so much, isn't a copybotter.)

The example in parenthesis has been on purpose. If I publicly say who the kind of human is, that turns me into unprofessional, even if my claim holds true. Why? I bet that many would want to know who this person, making so grave and false accusations, is, so they could beware of her. But... Can I prove my words, even if they hold true? All that I have are logs. Do logs prove my words? Logs prove nothing, for they are easily manipulable. But then also, why would I want to publicly say? Nowadays it could also be read as a personal vendetta, and that's something unprofessional too.

The bottom line of all this is that nowadays I cannot publicly say... many things. The example was a little extreme but it illustrates the point. Whatever I say, is my version of the facts, and we should remember, always, that every happening has three versions: your version, the other side's version, and what it really happened. This holds true no matter who is talking to you.

But this, sadly, has led me to a point where basically every thing I could want to talk about here, turns me into an unprofessional person. I cannot talk about my feelings. Some may wonder why I'm putting them through reading my babbling and making them uncomfortable (although they could also choose not to read me.) I cannot talk about some thoughts. Some may feel offense (I don't know if about the thoughts themselves or about the fact that others think, specially, differently than them.)

I cannot even explain what's behind behind some decisions. I know that some were expecting my finally saying this. But I cannot even say about what decisions I'm talking about. The mere mention of the situation could and would be read like my wish of taking revenge. Even if I do not wish revenge, even though "the other side" quickly began to lie. I cannot, I should not, publicly defend myself. I cannot even mention or imply. The irony is that, after what happened, the mere mention or implication turns me into the unprofessional one.

One could wonder, why not I just talk to friends, if I feel that I need to sort some kind of conflict. Friends are great but they will always be biased towards you, no matter how good their intentions are, no matter how fair they try to be. And I don't want to be reinforced in believing that I've done the right thing, I want to know if I've actually done the right thing. There's a difference between "believing" and "knowing", and not a subtle one. The good of talking to people I don't know, is the fact that... they don't know me either. This means that they will likely be less biased towards me. (This of course refers only to people that play by fair rules in an intellectual exchange - then there are trolls, but such is life.)

But nowadays, I cannot publicly say or imply, seeking for other opinions, most likely different than mines, for it would be read as a wish of revenge and as such... unprofessional.

What's left, then?

Well, there are still things I can talk about, publicly. Just, not so many as I thought I could do.

You're expected to be honorable and always take the right decisions. Specially by those that say about themselves, they are honorable. And may God save you from the rage of the honorable ones if they catch you being a little less of honorable and perfect, a little more of an human being! Forget about forgiveness, forget about having a chance to find out if you were right or wrong. They don't play by the rules, but God helps you, if you don't.

Yes, sadly, I've learned very well since I'm in SL and specially in the last months, that there's a big, a huge difference, between saying that you're honorable and hold by the highest values, and actually being honorable at all. I've learned that the reason why one should not publicly define oneself, isn't that is more or less professional. It is the fact that the more honorable and forgiving you say you are, the more prone to lie, envy, destroy, be an hypocrite and never forgive what never happened anyway ... you are. It is not for you to say what you are: we are the worst judges of ourselves. We never want to think that we are bad persons, but given the fact that there are a lot of bad persons in this world, we have to admit that there it is always a chance, and not a small one, that we belong to that group. But the more we believe we are virtuous (again, that "believe" word), the bigger the chances for the opposite, are. To me, it makes sense. The more you believe you're good, the less open to be criticized you are.

But I digress... so that seems like a call to leave it here, for now. Soon, some cat stories. Perhaps that's something acceptable to talk about.

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