What are you thinking right now?

For someone who has trouble to put her mind at rest, it's interesting how as soon as someone tells me say what you're thinking right now, my brain stops all activity except the essential to keep me breathing, my heart pumping blood, and all the basic commands to stay in the same position and not fall on the floor. Suddenly, there's silence in my thoughts, and if you would talk into one of my ears, the sound would travel in straight line and go away through the other ear, unchanged. You could even hear the echo inside my skull.

That's how I felt after reading this week's challenge from Strawberry Singh. There's a series of sentence-beginning words, and you have to complete them by writing down the first thing that pops in your head. And that's quite difficult to me. Just by stating that, "the first thing that pops in your head", I'm already blocked. Why? I suppose that because I fear I will say nonsense. Writing gives me a chance to first think what I'm going to say and how. This is more like talking, and talking I am quick to screw things up.

Also, some of those sentence-beginning words refer to how I am, and if you're reading me for a while, you know that I always say, I am the least objective person in the world when it comes to define myself (as it happens to anybody else, with themselves.) So what if I say that I am kind. Does that really mean that I am kind? No. It means that my perception of myself is such of kindness, but that doesn't mean I'm kind. People around me could be more accurate, although the closer to me, the less accurate, I would guess. (My reasoning behind the latter is that the closer to me/someone, the more biased towards me/someone.)

Still, I'm giving this a go, hoping I won't stay blocked for long.

Meme Instructions: Copy and paste the following statements in your post and complete them writing down the first thing that pops into your head. Don't forget to link your post in the comments.

I am... just a person.
I want... for the pain to go away.
I have... a story to tell.
I wish... that story never happened.
I hate... I've never done. For a long time, I thought anger was hate.
I fear... what hate can make to happen.
I search... for peace in my mind.
I wonder... if she will ever get what she deserves, although I know she will not.
I regret... having allowed her to know me.
I never... pronounce her name.
I always... want to learn more; about my job, about people.
I usually... smile, to hide what's happening under the surface.
I dance... no more.
I sing... no more.
I often... don't say what I feel.
I sometimes... remember her happy smile at that funeral.
I cry... at the memories.
I need... something that erases them, for I know there will never be justice.
I should... complete this and get back to work.
I love... and they know.

Thinking right now, in Flickr

OUTFIT CREDITS

Mesh body: Coco Doll (Bandage & Cut), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh hands: Coco Doll, Hands (1), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh ears: Coco Doll, Ears (Human), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh head: Coco Doll, Head 002A, from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh eyes: Coco Doll, Eyes 002 (Blue), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)

Hair: Felicity, Reds, from Truth
Corset: Orianna Lace Dress, Black (Coco Doll Size), from Zenith
Headpiece: Dahlia hat, black, from Baiastice
Necklace: Misha Dark Fairy, Chocker, from Maxi Gossamer
Spider: Spider face, from DRD (Death Row Designs)
Wings: Eternity Wings, Carnal, from Remarkable Oblivion

Poses: Dreams of Steel #4 - Mirror, Dreams of Steel set, Black Tulip (mine)

WL Water: Phototools - Chandra sea
WL Sky: [TOR] SCIFI - Orange balm

(Yes. I repeat outfits. I told you I'm not exactly a fashion blogger, but rather, someone who likes to dress up for the stories and pictures.)