Neverland

Enchantment will open in a few days, and this round's theme is Neverland. While I love fantasy and telling stories, I confess I would not like to stay forever a kid like Peter Pan. There are other ways to fly, and other ways to reach magical places.

IMAGE: Flying to Neverland, in Flickr

In fact, despite I miss all the energy I had when I was twenty years old, no way I would ever want to be back to that age again. Not even with my current knowledge of people. I would be the most bitter twenty year old in that case, while now I can enjoy of simply being cynical. True, I don't like all things that being an adult implies, but then, who does?

Those thoughts made me think what if instead of Peter Pan, is Tinker Bell the one growing up?

I know that Tinker Bell is represented like an adult fairy, but there's growing up, and there's growing up. Since my mind at times wanders to that other adult land, I wanted to create a sexy fairy, yet not too sexy and undressed, for this is still a fairy tale and you know the thing about fairy tales. Kids are looking and nobody has taught their parents yet that their kids are not stupid.

IMAGE: When the fairy grew up #1, in Flickr

I've done two pose sets for When the Fairy grew up. The first one is all standing poses, the second one is sitting on the ground poses. And every time I create a sit-on-the-ground kind of pose, I wonder why do I hate myself so much, and I also wonder if that explains why I don't see so often sit-on-the-ground kind of poses.

IMAGE: When the fairy grew up #2, in Flickr

If you wonder why I say that, I can only suggest you trying to create one of those poses. Any other thing I say cannot show the problems as clearly as trying to making it on your own. Still, I know that there will be more sit-on-the-ground poses in my future. Because, stubborn.

Have a great day :-)

Defend yourself from manipulators

The title of this post is quite pretentious, I'm aware of that. I've been thinking of other possible titles that could convey my message and attract your attention, but at the moment of writing this, I couldn't think of any other.

I've been thinking for a while in something I wanted to talk about here. We begin with entitlement and end up with some 101 techniques that manipulators will use against you, to gain control over your emotions. Once that happens, you'll be playing their game, their rules, no matter what you tell yourself, no matter how you justify that someone else now controls you.

If you're reading this, I assume you don't want to be anybody's puppet but your own owner, so please bear with me while I reach to my point.

Let's begin with entitlement.

Different people feel entitled to different things. The more freely you give things (your time, your knowledge, your help...), the more entitled to those things you freely give, others will feel about. It is nice to have someone else solve your problems, do your work... for free. So if you're the kind of person that lives under the world owes me motto, when you find someone kind, you'll abuse from this kindness. If you're the kind one, sooner or later, you'll find people that feel they own you: your time, your knowledge, your help. And if you stand up against this, the little dictator inside them, in the form of manipulator, will attempt to belittle and make you feel awful about yourself.

Story time.

Way time ago, I had a website where I offered free programming tutorials (in Spanish), and in my naivety (I was... 23 year old?), I offered an e-mail to contact me.

Usually, when you publish tutorials on the Internet, you have to expect people who will appreciate your work, thank you for it and give constructive criticism, people that demand things and are rude, and then a lot more that just never say a word, so you can only feel their presence if you check the stats (Back in my days, you had to code the stats yourself. You kids nowadays have no idea of the struggle - and you'll say the same to kids when you're my age.)

From those that give constructive criticism, I met some really nice people, but they were too few compared to the incredible amount of e-mails I received from complete strangers demanding all kinds of things from me: from doing their homework, to their college papers. It's interesting to note that I barely received e-mails asking for clarifications on the material, or pointing at mistakes. The majority were from people demanding that I do their job. For free. And quick, bitch, my final is tomorrow, you don't want me having to repeat course, do you? (True story.)

An historic note is in place here: You may wonder why I didn't just include a form to leave requests, instead of my e-mail address. Well, this happened at a point where PHP was being born and wasn't available in so many servers, so if you wanted to offer a form for comments, instead of your e-mail address, you had to code it yourself - in C language. Also, not many servers allowed you to install this kind of little program. By the time I was able to make this, it was too late: my e-mail was known all around.

I can't say that those demands came in a good moment of my life. So in a bad moment of my life, I did two things. One that I regret, another one that I don't regret at all.

The one that I regret was taking down the whole website, so the entitled bunch wouldn't take any more advantage from me. I regret having done so for this reason: I couldn't see at the moment that by taking down the website, I punished a lot of innocent people because of a few lot of little monsters. By the time I started to recover from something else that was going on in my real life, it was too late to try to bring the site back online. The IT world changes fast, and at the time, I wasn't able to bring back a whole website so it was current in content, in my free time.

The one that I don't regret was using a new e-mail address, so all these people demanding that I did their job, for free, couldn't find me in the new address.

So this is the first point I wanted to reach to: when you do something for free, you owe absolutely nothing to the world. The gift of your knowledge, your help... when you want to, should be enough to everybody else. And if they want more from you? You owe nothing to them. NOTHING.

Nobody but you owns your time. Nobody has the right to make you feel forced to do things you do not want to do, if you haven't signed a contract/committed to it, and particularly in your free time. NO-BO-DY. Repeat that to yourself as many times as you need. Really, start repeating that to yourself: Right now.

Now I'll try to establish the connection that, in my mind, relates entitlement with manipulation.

When you start being serious about not allowing others to make you feel forced to do things you don't want to and have not committed to, some of them aren't going to take this well, particularly if they're used to the contrary from you. They may try to make you feel bad, they may be insulting, abusive...

Do not listen to what they say. No matter what this is. They may say things like "I didn't expect this from you", "You've changed, you're not the nice person I met", "I'll find someone who cares, unlike you"... Do. Not. Listen to that.

You don't owe them your time. They simply have no right to make you feel bad about how you want to use your time, nor they should make you feel that you have to help them. You don't have to.

Little bit of advice, related to this: Do not reply to anything that sounds like the examples I've written. Someone tells you "You've changed, you're not the nice person I met"? Don't reply. It's pretty obvious that they're trying to provoke an emotional response from you, and if you reply, you're playing their game. You don't have to justify yourself if you don't allow others owning your time. You really don't have to.

It also doesn't matter what you tell them, because what they want is that you go back to the place where you do with your time what they want you to do. So, someone tells you "you're not the nice person I met"? That's their problem, not yours.

Realize that they were trying to manipulate you through your feelings, your concern about the image that others have about you, and don't give them the emotional response they're hoping for.

Realize too that if you're being manipulated, you'll not be willing to admit this. But you have to. If you're being manipulated, if you feel that someone is being abusive or attempting to control you through your emotions... Don't close your eyes to it. Admit it to yourself. There's no shame in admitting that someone is manipulating us, or trying to. It happens to everybody (even to manipulators!) The louder you can tell that to yourself, the easier will be for you to escape their control, since you're now aware of the situation.

I haven't even scratched the surface of how to defend yourself from manipulators in this post. But I hope that what I've written here helps you think, and realize, when others are trying to manipulate you through your feelings. There are many other ways (sadly, I've observed too much of this in my life), too often if not always, trying to provoke emotional responses from you that makes you be under their control; being able to recognize even just one way, is a start.

Keep in mind that if someone wants to provoke an emotional response from you, and you respond, they know that they can continue pushing to provoke more emotional responses. Do not play that game, because it's a game you will never win.

"It's a strange game. The only winning move is not to play." (Almost literal quote.)

Recently, I've found few people bringing their sense of entitlement to "upper levels". Because it's related, I want to address the situation here, where it belongs.

If you're reading this post, I don't have to tell you that I write this blog. I write and then publish posts, so other people will read me.

What do I owe to my readers? Weekly posts? More detailed tutorials? Tutorials about this/this other topic? My inworld time, so they can discuss my posts in my IM window?

I'm not afraid to say... That I do not owe my readers any of this. I only owe what I commit to.

Sure, I write in a public place. And there's a form for comments: Use it, if you want to add/comment/call me names. Comments aren't moderated. If I can reply the comments/makes sense that I reply, then I will. Else, I won't. If I want to take on a suggestion, I will. Else, I won't. If you feel shy about publicly leaving comments and prefer to tell me something in IM, if I'm not busy the moment you do, I will reply. But what you're not entitled to, by any means, is to my time. (Generic) You really have nerve if you tell me in my SL IM window that because I write publicly, you have the right of coming to my IM so I should discuss something with you, because you want to, and/or take on your suggestions. (True stories. I kid you not.)

One real world equivalence would be telling me that because I'm an actress, you can call me to my private phone number to talk with me about my part, insisting that you have that right and that I should discuss your feedback and take on your suggestions. In the real world, you may end up with a restraining order. In the virtual world... well, you can figure that out on your own.

I'm not going to make the mistake I did years ago, when I took that website down. I will continue writing publicly, about what I want, when I want, and discussing in comments or in public gatherings. Because I do it in my free time, and I owe you not.

Have a great day! :-)

PHOTO CREDITS

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya
Mesh feet: Lara's feet, from Maitreya

Skin: Lulu 02 C, Jamaica, from Glam Affair
Hair: LUSH, Essentials pack, from Clawtooth

Skirt: Layla Wrapped Skirt, Sunrise, from Tee*fy

Pose: Beauty #15 - Mirror, Black Tulip (mine)

Landscaping:

• Sim surrounding environment, from Landscapes Unlimited
• Studio Skye, several (beach) kits
• Lovers Island and Romantic Island from PRIME
• Floating Lounger, blue pattern, from {what next}
• Enakai Wavebreaker (larger), from Trompe Loeil

WL Water: Pond
WL Sky: Phototools- Build 005 Light

How to keep a secret

Something I like from interacting with people is when they tell me secrets. A secret may be something quite private they don't want to share with the majority, something about another person while they clear their minds about the situation... It's something they need to talk about, bring it out of their chests, try to clear their own thoughts. I like when people trust me to that point. Who wouldn't like it, right?

When someone trusts you with a secret, they do because they expect you will keep it. And this could seem the difficult part. How do you keep a secret?

Simple: Do not talk about it, with anyone.

Well heck, you can feel proud with that Captain Obvious response, Ms. Beorn!

If you think about it, it may not be that obvious.

Suppose person A tells me something about how they feel after person B did something. Suppose I know person B. Suppose that person B also talks to me about how they feel after what happened with person A. You have to be able to listen to both of them, and talk to them, as if you knew absolutely nothing of what each one of them told you.

Suppose there's person C, which you know, and also A and B do. Suppose that person C is concerned about the situation between A and B and wants to talk to you about. Will you be revealing what you know from each side, just so person C is relieved? Personally, I would not do that. Because A and B confided me with their secrets. If C is concerned about A and B, C should talk about that with A and B. I cannot and will not reveal what was trusted to me.

Keep in mind that many secrets are told when the person is still trying to clear their mind, their feelings. Maybe they're trying to explain the guilt they feel for something they did. If you tell those secrets, that might be used against the person that told you. Is that a situation you'd like to cause?

Suppose that the secret is related to a crime they've committed. What do you do? Or if they tell you that they're dying, and don't want it to be known at the time.

Well there she goes again, Ms. Smartass-Always-Looking-For-The-Twisted-Situation with no easy answer, I can hear you think.

Suppose that I tell you a secret. Would you tell it to your partner? Your best friend?

Obvious, my response, but not so obvious in the end.

Which secrets am I keeping, you ask? None, why? :-)

Have a great day!

OUTFIT CREDITS

Skin: Lulu 02 C, Jamaica, from Glam Affair
Freckles: Cassiopea Cosmetics, A (tn), from Glam Affair
Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya

Hair: HAKU, True red (and tinted), from Argrace
Headpiece: Darcy flowers headband, Quarter of Bliss, from Ariskea
Necklace: Love always necklace, Champagne Diamond/Gold, from Earthstones
Dress (although you just see the shoulder straps): Julianna Fluffy dress, dust rose, from Teefy

Pose: Spring Fling #1, Black Tulip (mine), (currently at TLC).

Windlight: Bryn Oh's Immersiva Grey Dust

What's in a pose?

The Pose Fair will open the next month, and I'm already planning for it. Last night, after setting up for this round of The Liaison Collaborative, I reviewed the ad pics of all pose sets I've released.

If you know a little of my SL history, then you know that photography in SL is something that attracted my attention very early in the days. One of the moments I enjoyed the most, just a bit after my first year, was the creation of these photos (which was an order from a girl that wanted photos for her profile and picks):
Those pictures were taken in 2010, so don't expect finding anything mesh in them... at all. Anyway, that is not the point. At that moment, the only thing I was able to do, apart than arranging the scenario, was to add a pose script to the chair, a pose, and after a lot of trial and error, have the avatar at the position and rotation I wanted. It was just a month after that I started teaching in SL, and something I taught was creating poses with QAvimator. That made me to be closer of being able of creating scenes with the exact poses I wanted. My SLife became more complicated, though, and I think I only could create the poses I did show at class (Remember that saying? Those that can, do, those that can't, teach.)

My SLife became more complicated, then two years and half later, it became... a lot less complicated than it was :-)

It was then when, slowly, I started creating some poses. I confess, when I started, I was at a loss about what to do. Stands sets? Sitting sets? Nowadays, I've created quite several stands, sits... But with the exception of three sets, none of them have received that name. The rest are, in fact, mixed: stands, sits, and anything else, together in the same set. To me, it is easier to create poses when they have to follow a theme, or a story. Just stands, for the sake of it, feels like bureaucracy. I've never been good at anything that resembles to routine. You may wonder, how about the deadlines for events, isn't that routine? I don't feel them as routine, because what matters to me, is the poses I'm creating. Themes change constantly, so there's not a chance to feel it like I have to. It always feels like Yay! Fun!

Some themes and fairs have evoked some feelings in me. For example, it was for the World Goth Fair, last year, that I created two pose sets called Solitude and Despair. When Día de los Muertos was suggested for Pose me Amazing, I made Why did you leave me? There have been more, but these are enough to have me get to the point I wanted to reach.

There's a lot more in a pose, than simply rotating limbs until you get the result you think you want. That's a mistake I did, and the poses never came out being believable.

To begin with, when you work the poses, you aren't in SL. I use the Avastar plugin for Blender. When I create poses, this is what I see:

And this is what I finally have in SL, once I decide on an outfit, background, windlight, and turn ALM on, for materials and shadows:

You get used to this, yes, but it's always an exercise of imagination. Will this look good in SL? As I found out while working with poses, it's difficult to get the poses right.

The first thing you have to learn, if you want to make believable poses, is how your body moves, bends... When you're walking, are the hips straight, or swaying a little to the side? Does this change if you're carrying weight? When you want to look behind, which body parts will be affected by that motion? When you raise your hand to touch your hair, which is the natural position of your hand? And your elbow?

I'm not saying I've aced this, but I've noticed I'm a lot more self aware of my own motion since I started creating poses. I'm always studying my body. No, not that way. Well. Maybe that way, too. Okay, that way, too.

Once you start learning what makes a pose, a believable one, you learn the next, necessary thing: cursing the SL avatar. Like a sailor would.

You are going to find out the additional issues that the SL avatar introduces. The crotch will break easily, so easily, that you will think there's no way to have it behaving, unless the legs are closed. Why the shoulders bend that way? Doesn't that hurt? Is that the shin poking through the thigh? Why in all heavens, if the hand is separated from the body in Blender, those fingers are sinking on my tummy? (This is bound to happen even more often if you wear mesh hands).

The same way you stumble against this, you learn how to balance some poses in those difficult areas. If the leg stretches a little more, you may get rid of the shin-poking. If the buttocks look like a sharpened tool, maybe rotating the hips can soften the effect, readjusting then the torso. This may not be the exact pose you wanted to create, but it makes for a close enough pose that will not break so badly in SL.

One more issue in getting the pose and mood that you want, is the lack of facial expressions in SL. I know that there are facial expressions in SL, but hardly any of them is usable for photography. I can recall of very few times when facial expressions helped me. I've found that the eyelid mesh prop from Slink has helped me more times, for closed eyes.

There's another problem in creating poses: The huge variety of avatar shapes we may find, will make that some poses will not work for some shapes. For example, if you work with a skinny avatar in your program of choice, and the hands are right above the hips, chances are high that the pose will not work for curvy avatars: their hands will sink in their hips. Different arm lengths may make that one avatar sits, holding themselves with their hands on the floor, and others will have their hands floating. Unfortunately, there's not much that you can do about. At most, using inworld tools that will let you tweak a pose, to adapt it to your shape, like Animare.

Creating couple poses is even more complicated. If the avatars are separate, the problems you find are just the ones I've mentioned before, per avatar. But if they have to hold hands, hug, tangle their legs... Make sure of leaving a little of space, because once in SL, for one reason or another, fingers will sink, etc. And of course, different avatar shapes make for couple poses being even more complicated. You can make them work for specific shapes. If those shapes are well proportioned, your poses will work for many avatars. Not that this is of any comfort, but at least, not all is lost.

Still, with all these problems, it is possible to create believable poses for SL. It is possible to create stories with them, and proof is all the people that, in fact, create stories with them. Browse Flickr accounts that are created by SL people, if you don't believe me :-)

I started writing scripts and books as my main job in SL, and it still is my main activity. Creating poses has taken a little of time from that, but I'm not regretting it, at all. I'm being able of making a secondary job from one of my passions: telling stories, keeping my imagination alive, making everybody else to crawl in sadness when I achieve to portray feelings in just one shot.

Finally, if you're selling poses, keep this in mind: the best of poses will look as a bad job if the photography is poor. When you sell poses, you're not just selling poses. You are selling a whole scenario, a story, a feeling. Be it best friends, love, lust, wandering around the world, being silly... Poor photography will ruin your job. I'm not saying this as an expert in photography (I can't even get defined shadows because my computer cannot handle them), but as a consumer: I've bought many poses in the past, and now that I'm at the other side of the fence, I remember how the photography did make a difference to me, when it came to taking a purchase decision.

There's a lot more in a pose, than simply rotating limbs. I'm sure that, now, you understand why I said that. Have a wonderful day :-)

AURYN OUTFIT CREDITS

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya
Mesh feet: Lara's feet, from Maitreya

Skin: Lulu 02 C, Jamaica, from Glam Affair
Freckles: Cassiopea Cosmetics, A (tn), from Glam Affair

Hair: Chick Habit, Red eye flight (and tinted), from Clawtooth
Top: Cabana top, Celeste, from Baiastice
Jeans: Kiara jeans bootcut, Black, from Pixicat
Boots: Leather ankle boots, Dark brown, from Aphorism

Poses and suitcase prop: I'm late! (first photo) and Travel #2 - Come back soon (second photo), Black Tulip (mine), out now at The Liaison Collaborative

ANSEL OUTFIT CREDITS

Skin: Cruz, 02b Tan Skin, unshaved + base + bodyhair, from Redgrave
Eyes: Promise, blue 1, from MADesigns
Glasses: Custom Eyewear - SCT, from Gos
Mesh hands: Slink Male Hands (AvEnhance) - Relax, from Slink
Hairbase: Hair Base - Dark Brown, from MADesigns
Hair: Garrett - Dark Brown VII, from MADesigns

Shirt: Real Shirt - Closed - Long Sleeves - Tucked, from hoorenbeek
Pants: Mesh Versa Pants - Straight - Brown, from hoorenbeek
Shoes: Regal Shoes - Black with Black Socks, from hoorenbeek

Pose and suitcase prop: Travel #2 - Come back soon, Black Tulip (mine), out now at The Liaison Collaborative

Snow Dancer

When I was a little girl, I wanted to take ballet classes (I suppose that as many other little girls.) Ballet classes were out of my reach, though, like many other things in my early years, and I grew up wondering if I could have made it, and how my life would have been in that case. Although, knowing of my natural talent to stumble against anything, I would have probably ended up in the hospital very soon. My natural clumsiness doesn't take off me anyway the wish of having made it. When I was old enough to save some money that I could have used to pay for those classes... I was too old to start.

A couple of weeks ago, I was contacted by Kinnaird. She asked me if maybe I could contribute with something for the Bay City Tree Lighting Auction that would be happening soon, and I was quick saying "Sure! Count me in!" At that moment, I was also trying to decide what I would be making for the next round of The Liaison Collaborative, which had as theme "Snowfall", and the so familiar music started to play in my mind:

Christmas means many things for different people. One of the things that Christmas means to me is ballet. If you've grown up listening to classics like Tchaikovsky and watching every ballet special on TV those days, then you know what I mean. That lead me to create the "En Pointe" pose, which was sold at the auction:

Creating that pose was like opening Pandora's Box. After it, fifteen other single poses came, two couple ones, and if there haven't been more is because I have other deadlines to meet. And it felt good... For one time, it was me, the one inside a ballerina dress, spreading her arms like wings, closing her eyes and meeting a long time dream.

"I'm too old. I will never be a ballerina."
Then he smiled and said:
"It's in your name. Do what you wish. In this world, you have wings if you will."
And so I spread my arms, creating my dream.

After this, another very popular composition started playing in my mind (click here for music only, better quality):

I really had to stop, or I wouldn't have finished anything else. So I made two couple poses, with a message that, of course, reached destination:

"He taught me to fly. In his arms, I can close my eyes."

And I'm leaving it here, before I ruin my reputation. Have a great day :-)

A prison for your mind

Events are all the rage nowadays, even though there are signs that we're living in a crazy overload of them. Still, new events continue to be created, and A Tattered Page is one of them. I confess, when I read what is it about, I loved it.

It sure is not the event for the merchant that rushes into their event items the last five minutes (or worse, the hour after the event started). We have to read a book before thinking what to create for the event. Why? Because whatever we create, not only has to be inspired in the book. We have to provide the exact quote that inspired us. And for that, you need to take your time to... yes, to read the book.

The first round is about to begin (November 7th), and the chosen book is Frankenstein. I never read this book before, and I'm really glad to have been accepted into the event, because it's a book I've enjoyed. Also, the event itself reminds me a lot of the literary workshop I enjoyed so much when I was in high school. I could go on a long ramble about what I've observed as the two main topics of the book: the dangers of playing God, and the despair an unloved child feels, feeling so abandoned and hurt, that said child could turn into a spiteful monster. (Victor's creation hasn't even a name, to add to the injury.)

At the moment of writing this, I've completed my first item, and I'll start making the exclusive one for the event after lunch. In this event, exclusive means that once the event is over, the item will no longer be sold.

Of course, with such a read, I couldn't stop thinking, and it was very difficult to choose one quote, one idea. As much as I'd like to make everything that went into my mind, time constraints keep me straight into being the most realistic possible with what I will be able to do.

My first item, A prison for your mind, is inspired by the quote "But I was doomed to live and in two months found myself as awaking from a dream, in a prison, stretched on a wretched bed, surrounded by jailers, turnkeys, bolts, and all the miserable apparatus of a dungeon."

The worst prisons are those without keys. Prisoners of our own guilty conscience, prisoners of anguish and despair we've created, we sit hoping for the dark feelings to go away. But they don't go. They chase us until either we own up to our actions, or we give a step closer to the darkness and malice that comes with the lack of sympathy. Either we learn or we're a step closer to becoming a real monster.

The idea I have for the exclusive item is inspired by the quote "It is well. I go; but remember, I shall be with you on your wedding-night." Stay tuned to see what it will be, and spread the word about A Tattered Page!

Have a great day :-)

Thoughts on UV mapping

I would like to think that it doesn't happen often, but truth being said, I don't know how often I make this mistake when teaching: assuming that something as natural to me as breathing, is also equally evident to everybody else. It happened when I started teaching UV mapping.

Basically, UV mapping consists in "laying flat" your 3D model, so you can create a texture for it (textures are flat entities). In my mind, that was exactly the same as playing making my own cardboard dolls and items, an activity I devoted myself for a long time while I was a little girl.

My world was a world where my parents had to skip dinner so my brother and I could have it. Their budget was pretty tight, and clearly, toys for the little kids wasn't a priority. But there was cardboard, there were color crayons I used to steal from my aunts in my summer visits, scissors and glue. I spent hours figuring out how to design my own toys, trying to make them "real", "3D". I didn't know what I was doing at the moment: I was mentally seaming and unwrapping 3D models on cardboard. It became natural to me, and I assumed that everybody else had similar experiences with cardboard games. To my surprise, these experiences weren't that common, and some of my students don't even recall to ever have constructed a dice from cardboard, which is one of the basic layouts to use.

That's how I built a whole unit assuming that everybody would naturally knew where to seam basic models. And with that assumption I went into explaining how you would cut and align the pieces of your models, to make understand how hard it is to do it manually, so I could introduce how Blender marks seams and cuts and aligns the pieces for you. And then I went into showing how our UV map can tell us where are structural issues in the geometry. And then I finally explained one way to decide where to place the seams, based in decisions we can take when seaming simple primitives.

And there it was: confusion. I seemed to be almost the only one clearly knowing why we had to seam at all, and visualizing the relationship seams-unwrapped model. Barely nobody knew why I was taking those decisions, how they would apply them on their own... Why I was doing everything I was doing. It actually was a struggle.

So 167 pages after, I decided to sort of start again. Taking advantage of the fact that we already knew the tools, we would seam models, from basic to a little less basic, to adding a bit more of detail. I took the chance to introduce more concepts, more insight to the process and nomenclature, and more methods. It seemed to help fixing my initial mistake of assuming that some of my experiences were a common place to everybody. Fortunately, my students have patience with me, and they know we eventually reach to somewhere.

That mistake makes me think (worry) about being too self-centered, and if perhaps my little world is too little. But how does one go about being more social, to learn about more experiences from others, when you're devoted to your work and said work requires concentration?

I don't know the answer.