"The website that didn't want to be"

I was so close! The website would have been live a bit more than a month ago. I bought a new hard drive to make all the pending backups I needed to and that for many varied reasons, I couldn't do before. The new hard drive was installed and I rushed into copying files there. Go, go, go...

Early in the evening, the system slows down dramatically and it finally freezes. No, no, no...

Yes.

The hard drive died, while I was trying to back the data up. Too late.

I brought the computer to a local store and while the guy was checking if the disks were alive, the power supply died with a bang that made his UPS to turn everything off at the place. That was fun to see. Sort of. I almost laughed. I'm glad I didn't because the best was to come.

Well, maybe it's finally time to get a new computer. (She said, after seven years of loyalty to her old machine.)

The new computer arrived two days later, Friday evening. I bring it home, Debian Linux is installed, things begin to be set up. On Sunday I log into SL, wow at the graphics and the FPS I can get. I take a few pics. I think about the dead hard drive, but I also think of how to start rebuilding my work with the help of the latest backups I had. And then, for no reason at all, the computer reboots. It does again, and again. It does again later in the day. It does randomly, for no apparent reason. It seems I can't start rebuilding my work yet.

On Monday I call to the store. Houston, we have a problem. Since I was developing a script with a deadline, I couldn't bring the new computer to the store immediately. Rather, we tried figuring out what the heck was wrong while I tried finishing the script, testing things that could give a clue about which part was causing the problem. Little more than a month later, after some bumps in the road of replacing parts, it seems that the new computer is finally working as it should. Stories like the weekend without (new) computer because the replacement of the new power supply died are to be told during Halloween, around a campfire. The culprit of the whole new computer mess was indeed the power supply, so if you see that your computer randomly reboots, consider it as a possibility so you don't have to be pulling your hair for a month trying to find out what's wrong.

Many important files died in the backup I was trying to do, and if you ask me why I didn't have a RAID set in place or why I didn't get another drive earlier, or why I didn't do this and that... I could tell you yet more horror stories, but since we humans are going to judge anyway without understanding the particular life situation, I'll simply answer You know nothing, Jon Snow and save all the explanations that would go nowhere.

I haven't given up yet on the data of the dead hard drive, and that's yet another story. But there's something that didn't die in the middle of this: the website. I'm sorry for whoever was celebrating. (Probably the same person that reported this blog in the first place)

The website code, while it takes long to develop, it can be compressed in a small file by today's standards: Less than 1 MB. That size is something that even my slow connection can upload without strangling the net's use, so I backed this up and uploaded it often. Because if there's a fire in the area and then flooding, I will be able to have that work safe. I know what kind of things can happen. I just don't have the resources to be ready against all of them.

The experience has been frustrating to say the least and it hasn't come alone. Cats, parents, doctor appointments, rehabilitation. Life. It was hard not saying anything in the lines of this is unfair! or all this bad luck can't be possible, it was so tempting because that's our first irrational impulse. Things suddenly get wildly out of control and the Universe sure has been conspiring for this, because we are that important (That last phrase was sarcasm. Just making sure.)

I noticed how this kind of irrational thinking was building in my mind and I had to give myself time to get some perspective back into my thoughts and not let myself surrender to the easy believing.

You're having computer, cats, health, etc. issues, but that means you have computer, cats and a life that lets you take care of it.

Bad luck is just one roll with low probability, but it's still possible. Would you have complained with similar chances, but in the good luck direction? How many more people are having similar situations? Exactly, you don't know, so you can't conclude you're the only one having this happen.

Still thinking you're having bad luck? Watch two more episodes of Grey's Anatomy and then be thankful because you don't work at the Seattle Grace/Grey-Sloan Hospital. That would be being unlucky.

Now I fear giving any kind of notice that lets know if my work is advancing or is close to anywhere. It was close to somewhere when it stopped to be close to somewhere. All I can say is that I have started working again. Finally. (One sure could say that that website is slacking and doesn't want to go live.)

I hope I'll be back on track soon. I really do. Because I've written down on paper a lot of things while these problems were happening, and those things won't type and publish themselves alone :o)

Have a great day :-)

Getting there!

The website is reaching to the live stage: I've involved my business partner in the creation of a vendor system for the store and that aside, I'm close to finishing the engine that will hold everything together. I could talk about all the boring details of what I've done and what is left to do, but I understand that's something only I get excited about and I will spare the pain to all of you. Don't worry though: I will likely bore you with all the details once I'm done.

May is being a quiet month, which has helped a lot in moving forward as I needed. No flooding, no fires. The grass is green and the weeds haven't spread as they used to thanks to the work I did last year. My foot recovers and I can finally walk on two feet (I know, I didn't mention about my foot.) The Hibiscus is blossoming. My cats are healthy. My business partner hasn't killed me yet. Ansel hasn't killed me yet (but I do hear how his eyes roll at me). My days are bright even with the problems *looks at her foot* and there's a lot I'm grateful for.

I have some hope in that I will write more than I used to when the move is done. I've found an organizing method that seems to be clicking with the way I work and is bringing some order into chaos, but I won't preach the gospel until I'm at least one month (or maybe three months) into it because I'm known for not following organizing methods.

Today I'm taking a little (scheduled) break from the website by creating a new poses set for Lazy Sunday, The Widow.

Cheesus, Auryn, you always so *coughs* cheerful.

I know! I need to bring some darkness into all these bright days for balance or I could turn into a unicorn, and I don't want to be a unicorn. I want to be me, with my lights and my shadows.

Have a great day and see you soon, hopefully, at the new place :-)

I have one little secret to confess

I took the decision of participating in this year's edition of NaNoWriMo a few months ago when I was, of course, busy with something else. The part that scared me the most was trying to think of a long story to write (not just very short tales like I do), but I think I've reached to a point where I could go for it.

I have my two main characters already defined: the leading role and the antagonist. The antagonist still needs more detail but I'm getting there. I've scribbled notes about their past and how they cross paths. I'm now writing down a timeline of the future events. Together with them, the rest of characters begin to show up. I stopped worrying about writing about something that others have written before. I don't think it's the originality in the topic what makes a story a good one.

What helped me was reading all those articles about story-writing. A long story doesn't come out of nowhere (unlike my short tales) and I don't think it could be improvised without a plan. Rather, I feel it's a mix of who are the characters involved, what situations do they live, in which environment, and everything else. Since I had no idea about what story to tell, I started writing about the characters. And then, it happened.

Writing about the past of the main character I started writing pages and pages. Small pages, since I'm writing all this in a notepad book-shaped, but more than ten anyway. (I like scribbling notes on physical paper.)

The main character had a lot to tell and I decided it was time to give time to their antagonist, which has also turned out to be chatty and tells me many things about their life, how they think and why they think what they think about all life matters. That has been an interesting experience: You start writing without a clear plan, trying to define a consistent character, and then it jumps to your fountain pen and writes itself, controlling the words your hand writes. (Yes, I like scribbling notes using a fountain pen.)

The story is now growing inside me and the plot is defining itself practically without my assistance after I defined the main characters: they are doing the work for me. All I have to do is sit down, write down on paper what my characters tell me, and review the notes each time I sit for more writing to avoid holes and contradictions in the story.

What's the story about?

I'm afraid I won't say until NaNoWriMo is over. Anyway, as the saying goes, time flies, so it's not going to be such a long wait. I can say though that it's not going to be a fight between Good and Evil. I believe that people are far more complex than that, even those without conscience.

Meanwhile, the very short tales will continue to come, because they simply jump out of my thoughts when I create some pose sets. It's as if the story was waiting for me to start taking photos to flow though my fingers. I still don't understand how that works.

I'll leave it for now, presenting the Shadows short tale, which was inspired by my last poses set (or was it the other way?)

Have a great weekend :-)

Shadows

I'm back for my next story, and I've chosen you to be the lead character.

You will barely notice that I slowly reach into more private areas of your mind, reading your most important secrets. When the closeness scares you, I will speak about concern and you will believe me. Concern is a feeling I've learned to pretend very well, but you will never know the secrets hiding behind my own walls.

Eventually, you will know that something is off in me. When you reach to that realization, you will want to warn others about me and inevitably, we will fight. My survival is at stake.

Your weapons are logic and reason. Those would be lethal in an ideal world. But this is not an ideal world, and I take advantage of that. My weapons are feelings and offense. It doesn't matter how right you are about me. It matters how helpless everybody else will perceive me. Did I tell you I'm a great actress? Now you're a monster in their eyes.

While everybody is busy tearing you apart, I will retreat to the shadows, to quietly see you shatter. These so convenient shadows will hide the glint in my smirk and I will rise stronger, ready for my next story... All while the darkness I use as my cloak smothers you, pushing you into the road to madness, a road I've known nobody to ever come back from. In your nightmares from now on, you will hear me sing a lullaby. Good night... Good night...

OUTFIT CREDITS

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya
Mesh feet: Lara's feet, from Maitreya
Mesh head: Karin, from Lelutka

Eyes: Phantom Eyes, Snow, from Dead Apples
Face Applier: Pom-Pom, Porcelain, from KOOQLA
Skin Applier: Porcelain tone, from KOOQLA

Hair: Rooskje (no materials), from Mina
Horns: Uninvited Horns, pitch, from BOOM

Dress: Suhina Sequin gown, onyx, from Zaara
Collar: Dahlia collar, black, from Baiastice
Gloves: Long gloves with claws, black, from Baiastice
Shoes: Zora heels, Noir, from Ingenue (not showing in the photos)

Spider wings: Spider legs backpiece, from Zyn
Birds: Abadon Orbit 1, 2 and 3, from Zibska
Face Thorns: Rose Face Thorns (L and R), Dark, from LaGyo
Arm Thorns: Rose Arm Thorns (L and R), Dark, from LaGyo

Pose: Shadow #1 set coming for Lazy Sunday, Black Tulip (mine)

Background: Cemetery de Morte, from Pandemonium
Windlight Sky: Places Kingsport

Creating a poses set, the scripter way

When you're a programmer that dreams in source code to solve the problems you've found when programming awake, you know that you cannot hide from thinking in algorithms: It's in your blood, you're simply wired that way. Even Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer, the poet, said it:

What's programming?, you say,
while you stare at my code lines in your inquiring eyes

What's programming? And you ask me that?
Programming... That is you.

(Well, he sort of said that.)

This means that it's only normal for me to wonder something after filling the same parameters when I upload poses a couple of times, before I've uploaded my first set ever: Would it be possible to have the choice of defining those same parameters as default options, so they fill automatically and you only change them when you need different values?

After having uploaded nearly 120 sets of 5 poses (plus mirrors), I decide it's time to use my brain for something else than the basic vital support of my body, and do as the saying goes:

The important in life isn't knowing how to do things,
but having handy the phone number of those who know how to do things. [1]

and so I call my business partner, the only unfortunate person from SL that sees me regularly in the real world, and whose phone number I actually know.

She looks at my sad begging eyes, and the next happening is this (FIRE-17251: Allow users to set default values for animation uploads - patch by Sei Lisa; this also fixes FIRE-13738 (Default hand position is spread instead of relaxed)) and this ([PATCH] Allow entering animation loop parameters as frames rather than percent), which means that weather forecast is favorable to my begging being incorporated in the next update of the Firestorm viewer.

Pose makers and animators, don't forget saying thank you to my business partner. I've already bought her some of the best cheese and promised I will try not to eat it.

The news make me all kinds of happy, and I proceed to start creating my next set of poses for Lazy Sunday. I wanted to create a pose set of a new series called Boudoir. Knowing me even if a little, the right thing to wonder is why I haven't done this before.

I decided that I will create different bedroom setups on purpose to favor the process of taking the photographs and show some variety if I am to move forward with the Boudoir series as more than one set, and spend the whole Wednesday morning looking for skyboxes and rezzing beds from my inventory. (People of Plurk, thank you for all your suggestions when I asked. I would have lost all day looking in Marketplace and found nothing.)

IMAGE: Boudoir #1, pose #2, in Flickr

The first skybox I'm using is the The Little Penthouse, from 22769 ~ [bauwerk]. Then the furniture is a mix of items from LAQ, Trompe Loeil and Dutchie (The cast iron fireplace and the side table that comes with the summer BDSM bed, tinted).

Why preparing all this before getting to the actual poses?

I realized, when I created my first set of laying down poses, that this particular kind of poses should not be tested outside its natural environment. I mean with this, if you plan on making laying poses, keep in mind where the avatar will be laying, be this the cold ground or a bed, and test them over the right surface. The target surface will let you know how to bend some parts so the avatar adapts to it, rotating to an approximate fit within what is possible in SL.

With all this ready, I was ready to create the poses. But, wait! There was one more thing to prepare before creating the poses.

Currently, despite I like taking pictures in SL, it's also a time of torment and agony. Think of an almost seven year old computer that I cannot yet upgrade. Think of the Advanced Lighting Mode turned on, all the fancy mesh, and shadows. Not even in Ultra mode. Medium settings. At the ultra speed of 4 FPS in a light-mesh loaded setup, 1 FPS in a heavy-mesh loaded setup, I need to take care of the lights and the fine tuning of positioning my avatar. Lights cannot be set up with the Advanced Lighting Mode turned off, because they behave completely differently (not to mention that you cannot see the shadows from the projector lights.)

Have you ever tried to edit an object, simply to move it, or change the light properties, at an average speed of 2 FPS? Try it if you have the chance.

So I decided that I had to choose one from between the following possibilities:

• Read the manual of the tools you have, in detail, to see if they do what you need and how, in that case.
• Script your own tools.

Which was my choice? The logical one: I scripted my own pose stand and projector light so I could move and rotate them from a HUD, and change the light properties of the projector, instead of having to fight with the Edit window at 2 FPS.

"The logical one"... I can hear you mumble.

This will sound fun, but it takes me more time to read all the documentation and trying all things out, than scripting my own tools exactly as I want them to work. I started with the pose stand on Thursday after lunch, in the early evening, and I completed the task, with the projector light as well, on Thursday night.

Finally, Friday was devoted to actually creating the poses and taking the photos for the product vendor. And this is how you create a poses set, the scripter way.

Have a great day! :-)

Notes

• [1] This phrase is erroneusly accredited to Les Luthiers. I mention them anyway because if you like wordplay, then you will love their work. If you know Spanish, that is.
• The complete set of photos for this pose set can be found in Flickr.
  
  • My favorite: Boudoir #1, pose #3
  • Boudoir #1, pose #1
  • Boudoir #1, pose #2
  • Boudoir #1, pose #4
  • Boudoir #1, pose #5

Outfit Credits

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya
Mesh feet: Lara’s feet, from Maitreya

Skin: Lulu 02 C, Jamaica, from Glam Affair
Freckles: Cassiopea Cosmetics, A (tn), from Glam Affair
Lipstick: Leah Lipstick 21, from Glam Affair
Hair base: (Hairbase 3), True Red, from Argrace

Hair: Dakota hair, FIT A, reds, from Lelutka
Shoes: Zest Pumps, Black, from Maitreya

Panties: Giselle lingerie - panty (Maitreya fit), Black, from erratic
Bra: Delice lingerie - bra (Maitreya fit), Black, from erratic
Suspender: Delice lingerie - suspender (Maitreya fit), Black, from erratic
Stockings: Delice lingerie - stockings HUD (Maitreya applier), Black, from erratic

Windlight Sky: Tron Legacy clean

Neverland

Enchantment will open in a few days, and this round's theme is Neverland. While I love fantasy and telling stories, I confess I would not like to stay forever a kid like Peter Pan. There are other ways to fly, and other ways to reach magical places.

IMAGE: Flying to Neverland, in Flickr

In fact, despite I miss all the energy I had when I was twenty years old, no way I would ever want to be back to that age again. Not even with my current knowledge of people. I would be the most bitter twenty year old in that case, while now I can enjoy of simply being cynical. True, I don't like all things that being an adult implies, but then, who does?

Those thoughts made me think what if instead of Peter Pan, is Tinker Bell the one growing up?

I know that Tinker Bell is represented like an adult fairy, but there's growing up, and there's growing up. Since my mind at times wanders to that other adult land, I wanted to create a sexy fairy, yet not too sexy and undressed, for this is still a fairy tale and you know the thing about fairy tales. Kids are looking and nobody has taught their parents yet that their kids are not stupid.

IMAGE: When the fairy grew up #1, in Flickr

I've done two pose sets for When the Fairy grew up. The first one is all standing poses, the second one is sitting on the ground poses. And every time I create a sit-on-the-ground kind of pose, I wonder why do I hate myself so much, and I also wonder if that explains why I don't see so often sit-on-the-ground kind of poses.

IMAGE: When the fairy grew up #2, in Flickr

If you wonder why I say that, I can only suggest you trying to create one of those poses. Any other thing I say cannot show the problems as clearly as trying to making it on your own. Still, I know that there will be more sit-on-the-ground poses in my future. Because, stubborn.

Have a great day :-)

Where does your darkness come from?

Often I have internal monologues remembering past events, and often I wonder about sharing them. With almost the same frequency, I forget about those monologues right as I sit in front of the computer, and wonder what was that thing I wanted to write about. If only I could record my thoughts when I'm everywhere else. (Although I'm not sure I would like if it exists a machine that records thoughts.)

Recently, I've written a few stories, perhaps more often than before. Dark, all of them. (Halloween was not the reason. Just check all of my other short stories and compare). I like writing but I really don't have an habit of writing. I've struggled a bit to make sense in some of my short stories, to tie all ends so the story was coherent. I'd love to write something longer, but I'm really not sure that I have the ability of creating that habit.

When I talk about writing "something longer" I don't mean writing technical books or tutorials. Those are easier to write than a story for you don't need to tell a story that makes sense. Well, relatively easier to write, for there's a lot to research and examples to prepare. They're also tough to write if you don't feel inspired to explain the processes. Okay, and you need to make sense too in the material you explain. Well, and if you first introduce the topic and give a little of background story about where we'll be heading in our technical travel, describing the characters, that helps as well. Okay, forget I said anything about technical books and tutorials being easier to write than, for example, novels.

Writing the latest stories brought back to my mind some memories I cherish from high school.

I live in a bi-lingual region, so we had three different courses about language. The Spanish language course, the Valenciano language course, and the English language course. In my third year of high school, after quarreling with the Valenciano teacher, she brought an interesting activity in our last quarter: the writing workshop. Every week, one of the class days would be devoted to writing.

IMAGE: Where does your darkness come from?, in Flickr

She gave clear guidelines about the plot we had to write about in the two first assignments. This was to help those that had never written a story and had no idea of how to go about. The third one left more room to our imagination, having several choices we could follow. The fourth and final assignment was completely free.

I was sixteen years old, and I wrote a collection of independent, short dark stories. I drew an even darker cover. I did some dark illustrations as part of the stories. I handed them, scared that the teacher would think I was completely insane. The teacher praised my assignment at the classroom and asked me permission to make a copy for herself to keep, and I didn't understand what just had happened.

My last oil painting was a bright and cold yet dark scene. My parents hated it so much that they sent the canvas to my grandmother. They continually invaded my private space in my bedroom, to make sure I wouldn't do anything else than my homework. I stopped writing, stopped drawing.

Later in my life, when I found a safe spot and regained some confidence, I tried writing again.

Dark paragraphs. Desperate paragraphs. None of them were related to what I was feeling, yet darkness continued to come out of me. Why wasn't I able to write a happy story?

Time continues to go by. Now I'm in Second Life, and I decide participating in a writing contest. Erotic writing contest, I must clarify. Even though we had a suggested topic, I managed again to make a dark story out of it. (For the curious: I was runner-up in that contest. For the even more curious: Yes, I may end up publishing it, perhaps after a rewriting. My current English reads no longer like my 2010 English.)

I was discovering my passion for photography in SL, and realized that yet again... I would continue bringing darkness out of me. At some point, you wonder "but where does all this darkness come from? What horrible traumas I'm hiding from myself that make me write all this?"

And I confess I was afraid for some time, that all of you thought I'm insane. But the high school episode repeated itself, in a certain way. Some of you like the stories, the pictures, and whether you think I'm insane or not, I sure am noticing that you're not treating me as a crazy lady (Perhaps you're good at dissimulating it. Good job then :o) ).

The good experiences reinforce me in my "write yet another story", and this time I'm old enough not to allow anybody acting as some kind of paternal influence that attempts to have me stop. I stop myself if work deadlines don't leave me free time.

For a while, I thought deep about "where does all this darkness come from?"

I finally reached to the only consistent answer I've been able to find: This is the way I am. I like dark stories and I write dark stories that I would like to read. They often have nothing to do with how I feel at the moment of writing them. They probably have something to do with my past, but not because of horrible traumas that I don't want to remember.

They have more to do with what I like, and the cultural references I've chosen to surround myself of. Cultural references likely chosen because of some circumstances of my past, but chosen anyway, for they accompanied me into adulthood even after said circumstances changed for me.

They have nothing to do with my possible secret wishes about being and doing what my dark characters are and do. They are not even wishes I have, nor I approve of some of the choices they do. They don't even mean that I believe in magic and the supernatural. I don't.

They are my fantasy, they are the dark dreams I want to play with in safe territory, a virtual piece of paper, knowing that I don't want them to turn into anything real. I like that I can share them with other adults which also realize this is fantasy and has nothing to do with how I am myself or how I'm feeling at the moment.

But these are all short stories that aren't related one to each other. In that sense, it's easy to write them for they don't have to stick to a common plot in a coherent manner.

A couple of days ago I was telling my business partner that I would be taking the first weeks of November to write some more Blender books, to be released at Black Tulip for Black Friday. She laughed and replied does that mean you're participating in NaNoWriMo this year?

Damn you! Why did you have to say that...

Yesterday I spent some time reading some articles on that website about story telling - on a longer term than I use to do. I don't feel capable of writing about 150 pages of the same story. I can do it with technical books (I will probably hit 1000 pages about Blender by the end of the year), but I feel that my mind is too random and scattered as to keep the consistency and follow a plot. Heck, I can't even follow a schedule. (I also know the saying. You can get things done, or you can put excuses. I get things done, in time. I just can't follow a schedule.)

Perhaps it's only fear. Perhaps the way to achieve it is not telling anyone that I'm working on it, so nobody puts pressure on me by having their own expectations. (That is actually the reason why I often don't tell what I'm working on if it's going to take more than one day. You will know when I'm sure I will finish it. That is, when it is finished.)

Curious, I asked Ansel. If I were to write a long story, what do you think I would write it about? His answer made me reflect about what little I allow for myself to be known through my words, and I wonder if I'm that good at hiding in plain sight. It also made me wonder if that would be the general expectation. How disappointed would be all of you then.

Fortunately, one of the articles I read yesterday said something I considered as well: Despite the pressure of being liked by others, do not forget writing what you would like to read. If not even you like what you create, hardly others will do.

Unfortunately, I don't have a clear plot in mind. Without a clear plot, it's impossible writing 50000 coherent words about it. But I know that this is something that occupies more and more time in the back of my mind, and I know that some ideas come and go, persistently. I want to write a long story out of them. I just don't know how, yet.

I'm not writing this because I want to be cheered up. In fact, if you feel like cheering me up, please don't. I'm the Ms Grumpy of the Internet, and I don't do well with cheering and hugs. They make me feel that I want to stab kittens. Please think of the kittens.

I'm writing this for the same reason I write and publish other similar things. Because when I write trying to clear my mind, and then I realize the mess I've made public, I feel more motivated to stop with the internal whining about a particular subject.

For that same reason, I'll leave it here. Have a great day :-)

"Who am I?"

I can't put in words how much fun I'm having with mesh heads. At times I wear them, at times not. At times I wear one brand, at time another one. This or that applier. With or without mesh head, it's me the whole time. And I'm just realizing how helpful they can be to create stories and let me be one of my many faces.

Composing the following scene was complicated with my old computer. It took me four crashes until I managed to edit everything around as I wanted. The downside to mesh heads (and bodies - and super hi-res furniture) is the render effort on our graphics cards. Mine suffers quite noticeably. Something that added to the complexity of preparing the scene (to me) is the fact that one of the heads showing on the picture, Stella, would derezz itself as soon as I tried to rez it. This forced me to prepare all the lighting without the head on the scene, disable scripts in all region, then rez it, check if it was fine, enable scripts, have the head derezzing, tweak lights, disable scripts again in all region, rez again the head... I will keep to myself what I think about mesh body parts derezzing themselves when not worn. (It's sailor speech and I try to stay a lady.)

But after four crashes and having nearly 500 LI rezzed for this scene (haven't counted yet), I like the result. This picture is inspired in a disturbing scene from the Return to Oz movie: the scene of the heads locked in shelves, for the witch Mombi to select which one to wear.

Why so scared, girl? Today is your big day...

So, who am I? Am I my default avatar head? Am I Stella? Annie? Chloe? Ever? Lilith? Aria? The Doll?

I'm all of them as long as in them, I have stories to tell.

Have a great Sunday :-)

Little update: The scene "weighs" a total of LI 922. Ooooops! (And that's not counting what I was wearing on my avatar.)

The Witch

This may be hard to believe, but... I've created a gacha set! I'll talk about reasons and how the creating experience has been, as an OCD merchant, but before that, I want to tell a little story. The story that started to write itself in my mind when I had completed the first two items, and that decided which would be the rest of items despite I had written down to create something else. The story of The Witch.

There are places in the world whose names have been forgotten. Ghostly places, enshrouded in ancient magic, almost like if they weren't there, are waiting for inadvertent visitors that step within their boundaries to never be seen again.

One of these places was once called Inhn, but nowadays nobody even knows the place exists. Back in time, Inhn was inhabited by a cruel witch. She was nameless, for part of her power lied in being an unknown entity to those that fell in her small realm. Her cabin and the graveyard around were surrounded by a forest. Only part of the forest was reached by this ancient magic, enveloping it, but it was enough to set a trap for those who were wandering by the other side of the forest.

The witch was known to mutilate her victims to then transform them into disturbing creatures that lost their humanity. Those creatures were then caged like birds and set outside the house, in the darkest part of the graveyard, left alone to die.

She fed on their suffering and their blood. She kept all of their limbs to continue torturing them even after they died, for the torment of their souls trying to reach the hands that no longer they could touch and reach was a delightful scene for her to watch. Their limbs in jars was what those poor souls wanted to recover, but even being next to them, they could never be complete again. Their despair and denial about the situation was what tied them to stay in the place, exactly where she, the nameless, needed them.

But even witches grow old, and as she aged, she was losing her power. She needed more people than before if she were to regain strength, but the forests around Inhn had been forgotten, and barely if ever new visitors showed up. She had sowed pain when she was young, and now she was too tired to watch her own back.

That's how one night, it happened. The legends aren't clear about what happened exactly. The only thing we know nowadays about the events is that the last two of her creations that despite dead, still were able of breathing air, buried her alive. Exhausted, their bodies fell and rot over her grave, and since that moment, their souls guard the nameless' tomb, to make sure she'll never raise among the dead.

This didn't put an end to the witch's victims' torment. Their souls had been tied to their mutilated limbs, and day after day, their weeping laments could be heard if you walked close to the limits of the safe part of the forests around Inhn. As time went by, those souls forgot about the nameless, they forgot what led them to be dead without hands, and slowly, they started to vanish forever, in sorrow and pain that would accompany them until the end of time.

That's how another tomb at the graveyard was abandoned, and the power of the witch started to grow back within it, whispering a song in the wind that started to attract people into walking near the forest.

The legend says, this other tomb is waiting for the next lost traveler that crosses the frontier to Inhn and sets foot into that haunted land. The tomb will then announce to the traveler that the day is their last day alive, and this new death will have power enough to bring the rejuvenated witch back to life.

This story is also published in The Night Corner

As I've mentioned at the beginning of this post, The Witch is my first gacha set, created for the Wayward Halloween event, by Wayward Events. Despite the set title, no actual witches show up. The first item I created was a rare, the Witch Cabin, and my first idea was to create furniture for it, and some witch poses. This is what happened next in my mind:

Perhaps a tree outside the house, with a tomb, could fit. Since we talk tombs, why not adding ghosts? Not plain ghosts: Ghosts that show by close presence, and hide otherwise. [Insert Blender break time here while creating the tomb and the ghosts, then scripting them.] Forget about the tree, I like the ghosts with the tomb. Since I'm making ghosts, why not another ghost mourning the separation of his hands from his body? Ohhhhhh... That could have been the witch! And what else happened to these pour souls?

And that's how I ended up creating a set that had nothing to do with my first idea (except for the Witch Cabin), and writing the story of The Witch.

As a consumer, many people that know me, know that I do not play gachas. The reason is simple: I know what I want, I know which choice of permissions I want, and if I cannot get what I want, with the permissions I want, then I do not spend money.

However, as a merchant, I can no longer stay blind to the fact that many people like playing gachas, and even though I don't share their like, that shouldn't be a reason to not give gachas a try, from the merchant perspective. But I didn't blindly apply to the first gacha event I saw showing up. I applied to one that I knew would motivate me (Halloween is every day in my heart.) And I put special attention to likes/dislikes/requests coming from people that like playing gachas, in many threads in Plurk.

One of them is: I've tried making a set where each piece is independent of the other. This isn't an armor set that makes no sense unless you have all pieces with the same color. This is a decoration set where each piece can have its own life alone. In other words: You don't need to get several decoration pieces to create something that makes sense.

Another one is: I'm willing to trade your complete no copy set for a complete copy/no transfer set as long as you obtained the pieces by playing in my machine, using my gacha script. I studied what other merchants do when it comes to their gacha sets and the customer service part, and I wrote my own gacha policies, contemplating the trading complete sets case. If you plan on playing my machine at the event, I recommend you to check these policies and make sure you understand them, for they will be useful in the (nonexistent, let's hope) case you have a delivery issue, or if you want to trade a complete set. I will say here as well: If you obtain the complete set from another place than my machine (yard sale, gift, Marketplace...), I will not trade it. Trading is a benefit for my customers, since I will be taking the time of checking that everything is correct before trading. I'm saying upfront that I'm not responsible, at all, about what happens outside of playing my machine.

I've also paid attention to explanations from merchants about how their gacha scripts seem to work, about complaints coming from customers that rares seem to be extra-hard to obtain and wonder if the machines are rigged, about alarming facts that make me wonder how many gacha scripts contemplate the case of somebody using a modified viewer to pay the machine whatever they want rather than pull price...

... and developed my own gacha script.

It will be soon ready for general release, once I polish a couple of details, write the final documentation, and give it a final beta-test round. But as of now, my gacha script is the script that will be used in my machine at the event, and that's how I will know if you've gotten the full set by playing in my machine.

As for packing the gacha items to load the machine, and checking permissions for next owner... Oh hellish hell! The hell of all hells for someone suffering OCD!

When I wrote the preparing your products for sale, permissions and more chapter of the Merchant Help series, I talked long about setting permissions, and at the end of that section, I said:

Important for Gacha Merchants
Gachas, by its own nature, mean that permissions should be set to no copy. You may want to send blogger/review copies of these gacha items. Do you send them as no copy too? If you do that, then you should be aware that bloggers could sell the items before the event opens, whether they blog them or not. Not all of them will do, but the possibility is there. You should set permissions of the review packs to copy/no transfer, and remember: This means that you have to change permissions of contents too!

And it's anything but funny to do this. I swear by the Old Gods and the New =)

You have to prepare your bloggers pack with all items copy/no transfer. Send it to your alt. Check permissions of the oh-so-many items you've decided to include in your set. Then, you have to prepare one box per gacha item, containing the gacha goodies, store landmark, ad (or gacha key) and a notecard explaining things.

I repeat: One box per gacha item.

Send them to your alt. Check that the boxes arrive in inventory as no copy, yes transfer. Unpack them. Rez all the items. Check all the permissions. Pray some more to the Old Gods and the New for you haven't made any mistakes. Curse a little (or a lot) when you find out you've made some. Fix them. Start again.

And when that double permissions check is done, you're finally ready to load your machine.

Enjoy The Witch, coming October 16th. It's been an experience to me :-)

The Black Widow

I've heard all the stories about us. Vain and shallow creatures, hunting husbands to suck their lives and money. Heartless, self-centered, monsters. Sluts. Whores. Scum with no remorse. Yes, I've heard all of them, and then some more.

I call it envy. Of our strength, of our independence from the rules that make them call us whores while secretly wishing being one.

It's not true that we don't love our husbands. We do. We love each one of them, and we keep that love alive even after they've gone, which makes our love for them particularly strong. That's why we need them gone: Because we're creatures of love, able of that rare affection and loyalty that survive death, and we need love to carry on with our lives.

Not every woman is fit to the role. Your secrets can never be known: they are your main strength. Solitude will be your second skin. This is how it must be, in order to feel all that intense and lasting love for your future husbands.

When you dust envy off the world's eyes, what's left is how they really see us: Charming, mysterious, attractive in ways that go further from simply entertaining the most basic desires. We feel no shame for that, and we'll use what we are.

But dare exposing us in front of our lovers and we'll show you why everybody fears a black widow.

This story is also published in The Night Corner

(The Liaison Collaborative is back. This month's theme is Fright Night, which inspired me for six pose sets. Photos in this post feature poses from The Black Widow series. There's another series of poses: The Cursed Doll. They'll be available tomorrow at the event location, at discounted price.)

PHOTO CREDITS

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh feet: Lara’s feet, from Maitreya

Skin: Dark Side - Ginny 01 A, from Glam Affair
Skin tone: Pearl, from Glam Affair (included in Lara's HUD)
Freckles: Cassiopea Cosmetics, A (tn), from Glam Affair
Eyes: Phantom Eyes, Blind Rage, from Dead Apples
Makeup: Scarred Face Tatoo and Insomnia Makeup, from Corvus. Halloween Makeup - Spider Web Classic, from {C.C.M.}

Hair: Young and Beautiful, Dark Reds (Russet), from Exile

Corset: Alexis (Maitreya fit), black, from erratic
Panties: Giselle (Maitreya fit), black, from erratic
Collar: Dahlia, black, from Baiastice
Gloves: Long gloves with claws, black, from Baiastice
Dress: Mesh Spiderweb Dress, Black Widow outfit, from Boudoir

Earrings: Pearl earrings I, black, from hoorenbeek
Necklace: Aeranae's Embrace Necklace, from Empyrean Forge (EmpyreanForge Resident)
Head adornment: Aeranae's Embrace Adornment, from Empyrean Forge (EmpyreanForge Resident)
Spider wings: Spider legs Backpiece, from Zyn (ZynDyrr Resident)

Poses: The Black Widow series (including the ghost), coming tomorrow for The Liaison Collaborative, Black Tulip (mine)

Windlight Sky: Phototools- Hufflepuff Light 01, Phototools- Breakwave Building Light (photo with the ghost)

Balance

We all must find balance in our lives, and nobody else can do that job in our place. No matter how difficult, keep always one foot where it can hold you.

When I wrote these words yesterday in my SL Feed, I didn't realize I was starting to lose balance, yet again. (Don't you ever learn? Well apparently, no.)

I realized this morning, when I was watering the grass. Despite having done an impressive job in the garden during Summer, all by my own (the details don't matter now), I noticed small spots that were taking water eagerly, and they should have taken it yesterday, not today.

I always have that problem. If I'm working in the garden, I end up so tired that I cannot work in anything else for the day. If I work in anything else (because, paying bills and such), then I don't find the right chance to go outside and continue doing maintenance at the garden. In the meantime, the headaches that come when weather changes leave me so beaten that often I cannot work in either. And if you ask why I don't plan my time and set one day and fixed hours to work in the garden, I would love to tell you great idea, I'll do that, but my mind refuses that. No matter how hard I've tried, I'm absolutely unable of following an schedule of that kind.

I cannot find balance, I'm always stumbling from one extreme to the other one.

But I saved the garden. For now.

I would like to take some photos and share them here. Show all of you this is what I meant with recovering it and, why not, feel some pride about what I've done.

There's something preventing me from doing so, at least for now.

There are certain eyes following everything I post in as many places as they have found. Eyes that I thought I had defeated four years ago. While those eyes are free to read everything I post (else why making it public?), they contacted me a few months ago. They should have never done that, they should have left me in peace, but no... Those eyes wanted my attention. Those eyes even told me they were starting to think to move somewhere else. Somewhere like... Spain. While I cannot give credit to the words of eyes that lie so much, I shouldn't also entirely discard the possibility.

Those eyes are sick, those eyes lie to everybody, starting by themselves. Those eyes lie about me, of course, and about the reasons why I don't want them close, but I'm not going to defend myself from whichever lies, and I don't want to know what lies are those. If someone chooses to believe them, that person was never relevant to me in the first place.

I've always said that you must be careful with what you make public about yourself, no matter it's the Internet or people close to you, but particularly, on the Internet. I've always said that there are many predators, abusers, observing and waiting for their next victim to prey on.

Did you think I said all that from my high horse, out of touch with the ground, because it's easy telling others what to do but never having lived the situation?

Now you begin to know the answer.

PHOTO CREDITS

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya
Mesh feet: Lara’s feet, from Maitreya

Skin: Lulu 02 C, Jamaica, from Glam Affair
Freckles: Cassiopea Cosmetics, A (tn), from Glam Affair
Hair: You send me, Reds (Russet), from Exile

Dress: Swept Away Dress, Cream, from (fashionably dead)
Necklace: Swept Away Necklace, White Gold, from (fashionably dead)

Poses: Balance #2 and #4, Black Tulip (mine)
Poles: Decorative Poles, Black Tulip (mine)

Windlight Sky: [TOR] NIGHT - That spells moon 2
Windlight Water: Pond

My first thoughts about Merchant Resource

I've published the introduction and two chapters, and the third chapter of Merchant Resource is about to be published. It's taken longer than I'd like, but I had a lot of work to do at home (the garden), still have a lot more to do, and holidays is always the best moment for that.

I hope it's being useful to those reading it. I admit it's not light material at some points. There are so many things to keep in mind, I know this.

Personally, I'm liking when I sit down and start writing this series. You may think that I already do all the things I write about... And you would be wrong. I've never thought I know everything about anything. I've never thought I know a topic so in detail that I could never learn anything new on it, or that I could not be corrected of past mistakes.

That is happening while I write this. As I research and write, I realize of things I could also do better, things I should change. I'm in fact reviewing my own store, my own procedures. Some things will take me some time to fix. Others I'm changing them as I write them down for this guide.

For example, I will correct and improve some of my naming conventions for items I sell; they were okay for full permissions mesh, books and poses, sort of okay for scripts, and they could be a lot better for animations and home and garden. When did I realize? When I was writing the previous chapter and thought of analyzing your sales data. You would think I've done this before. Well, I haven't. The reason is my memory; my recollections of my own sales were pretty accurate about the data I gathered once I thought "data analysis - of course!" and checked it. But neither I can trust my memory 100% nor I should suggest methods that rely in something so subjective and easy to mold as memory.

Another example is the store policies: I'll be strengthening mine after having written about the topic. Why? Because I studied policies of several stores, remembered many complaints from merchants in Plurk that could have had an easy solution had clever store policies been set in place, and decided that I have to review mine and clarify some of the points I've written about. As I write the next chapters, I'm sure I'll change more things in the way I do my own work.

The other thing I'm liking is that by writing this series and talking of scripts that could be helpful, I'm also forcing myself to write some scripts that it's ages since I told myself I have to write this script. The quickest example I can give is the set of unpacker scripts: I've started using them for the blogger packs I sent out for my first round at Enchantment.

If you're following the series, would you share in comments what are you finding useful? Have you changed the way you're doing some things?

Have a great day :-)

IMAGE: Dancing on the sea, in Flickr

PHOTO CREDITS

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya
Mesh feet: Lara's feet, from Maitreya

Skin: Lulu 02 C, Jamaica, from Glam Affair
Freckles: Cassiopea Cosmetics, A (tn), from Glam Affair
Hair: Astralia, Garnet, from D!va

Wings: Virtuous Wings, from *NW* (NeverWish - Mystik Ruby)
Belt: Enola Belt, Copper-Black, from Keystone (Aymee Monk)

Pose: Snow Dancer #14, Black Tulip (mine)

WL Sky: Raymond's Night
WL Water: Phototools- Gallery Water 01

Watcher of the Sea

Ever since Ariel was fifteen years old, she would escape her father's surveillance, the King of the Under-the-Sea world, and swam to the surface. She liked to sit on her favourite rock every night, half a mile distance from the shore. She always looked up to the sky and smiled at the Moon. When the Moon was full, cloudy or not, it would tell her stories about the world that was outside the sea, warming her in its faint light, making of Ariel a distinctive spot of an otherwise lonely location.

Ariel was a mermaid. Mermaids were thought to be legendary creatures. Half human, half fish, and with a voice that would enchant and drive crazy in love any man that would hear them sing, mermaids hadn't been seen by humans since centuries ago, and so they had been forgotten.

That particular night, the Moon was explaining this when Ariel saw something in the distance. It was a ship, worryingly close to the storm near her. She loved being showered by the rain, but this was very different to those creatures called humans. The Moon had told her that there were storms so wild, they would break their ships causing the people inside to drown. This seemed to be what would happen tonight.

Ariel's fingers were clenching in anxiety while observing, and finally, the inevitable happened: a lightning struck on the ship, starting a fire, and while some people tried to suffocate it, others, pushed by waves that grew high as to reach gunnel, struggled to avoid falling in the sea.

There was tension and screaming at the ship. Ariel could not stop looking and the Moon reminded her that her father would be quite angry if humans would see her, that mermaids were not to interfere in human life. Upset and uneasy, doing her best to ignore the knot that was tying tight in her stomach, she was ready to dive back home and so she stood up. Then, another wave pushed the ship, and this time she saw a man falling in the sea.

It happened so fast that before Ariel realized, she had jumped towards the ship and was swimming to rescue the man. Only when she reached that half conscious human, the words of her father resonated loud in her mind. "Do not intervene in human affairs!"

She shook her head trying not to hear them, and swam driving the man to the safety of the seashore. She waited until he opened his eyes, laying next to him, and when he did, she smiled and told him in the sweetest voice ever heard, "I'm so glad I was there to help you! How are you feeling?"

The man stood up, his eyes widened in horror at the sight of the half-fish creature, and walked back a few steps.

"What, what... What are you? That's not possible! You're a monster!," the man said.

He reached the gun that was still held by his belt, and despite wet, he could use it and shot Ariel on her shoulder. She screamed in pain and fell.

"But, but... But I've saved you!," Ariel said, unable to understand, crying.

The man shot again, this time on her chest. Her eyes clouded and she fainted. The man shot a third time and there would have been a fourth one, hadn't it been for Ariel's father showing up on the seashore after the Moon called him saying it was urgent. Her father took the gun from the hands of the scared man and urged upon him to leave fast. Once the man disappeared from his sight, he threw the gun in the depths of the sea, took dying Ariel in his arms, and went back home with her.

Weeks after, Ariel opened her eyes. She was still convalescent and the injuries hurt. Her father was sitting next to her, he had been doing after their doctors extracted the bullets and cured her injuries the best they could. He smiled only for a second, then his stern look was back.

"Ariel," he said, "there's a reason why we don't intervene in human's affairs. They're a species of fearful violent creatures that attack what they cannot understand. Your intentions don't matter. They only see a strange creature to destroy and we have to protect ourselves from them."

One tear trickled down Ariel's cheek. She knew what would happen now.

"Now, there's the matter of the rules. You know them. If I am to expect for others to abide by my rules, I have to set an example by punishing my own daughter who broke them. I can't make an exception with you. You know what happens at this moment."

Her father was strict in applying the rules, and no matter her good intention when saving that man, no matter her promising she wouldn't break them again, Ariel was punished and cursed to eternally be the Watcher of the Sea. Always on duty to help drown those humans that would fall in the dark waters, she would be an invisible shadow to their eyes, singing to their ears while holding them and pushing their lives down in the depths of the silent sea.

This story is also published in The Night Corner

(This is my own version of Hans Christian Andersen's tale, The Little Mermaid, which inspired the poses. Of course, I couldn't help the turn to darkness.)

Yes! I've been accepted in the Enchantment event, and I'm all kinds of yay about it. Regular readers won't need explanations about the reasons, and new ones will find out why just by exploring the Short Tales tab of this website.

Photo Credits: Auryn

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya; Slink hand, Point, from Slink

Skin: Lulu 02 C, Jamaica, from Glam Affair
Freckles: Cassiopea Cosmetics, A (tn), from Glam Affair
Hair: Abella, Dark Reds, from Entwined

Bra: Mermaid Jewel Bra, Mint, from Baiastice
Mermaid Tail: Ligie Mermaid Outfit, for Maitreya body, from Gaeline Clothes.

Poses:

• Watcher of the Sea, Are you okay, stranger?, from Black Tulip (mine), coming to Enchantment's round opening August 15th, The Little Mermaid.
• What was left of her #5 - Mirror for injured Ariel, from Black Tulip (mine)

Facial expression in the second photo: Surprise

Photo Credits: Ansel

Skin: Cruz, 02b Tan Skin, unshaved + base + bodyhair, from Redgrave
Glasses: Custom Eyewear - SCT, from Gos
Mesh hands: Slink Male Hands (AvEnhance) - Relax, from Slink
Hairbase: Hair Base - Dark Brown, from MADesigns
Hair: Garrett - Dark Brown VII, from MADesigns

Waistcoat: Rake's Waistcoat, Black, from Heathcliff (Junbug's brand for male clothes)
Trousers: Rake's Trousers, Black Tweed, from Heathcliff (Junbug's brand for male clothes)

Pose: Are you okay, stranger?, from Black Tulip (mine), coming to Enchantment's round opening August 15th, The Little Mermaid.

Photo Credits: Landscaping and Windlight

Beach Dune Building Set, from Studio Skye
Tropical Beach Building Set, from Studio Skye
Skye River Bank Building Set, from Studio Skye (The rocks)

Windlight Sky: Phototools- Moon Light 01 (Sun position, moved)
Windlight Water: Pond

Holidays and plans

I did it! Despite the whole feeling burned out, I managed to get something done for The Underworld, and now the true holidays begin. Like I said then, if you have any kind of customer requests, whether this is for Dutchie or for my own store, don't worry: I'm available for customer service the whole summer.

Right now, I'm going through the all too well known and what in Earth could I do now feeling that makes you stare at the screen without ideas coming. That's just one normal stage of the process of being burned out: When your mind begs you to stop, and achieves so by blocking all thoughts (Or at least, thoughts related to what you still want to do more, but really have to stop.)

I have plans, though. I outlined them before I was seriously burned out, to help me through this stage. About the plans that concern writing in here, I can say that in a couple of days I'll start publishing a new series of posts SL-related. What about, I will say then, but I can mention in advance that the series of seven chapters that I wrote for Fusion Magazine, Keep your inventory under control!, will be helpful at the beginning. If you've never sorted your inventory, or feel a little lost about how you can go about it, you can check what I wrote, here:

• Keep your inventory under control (Introduction)
• Keep your inventory under control (Part 1)
• Keep your inventory under control (Part 2)
• Keep your inventory under control (Part 3)
• Keep your inventory under control (Part 4)
• Keep your inventory under control (Part 5)
• Keep your inventory under control (Part 6 and final)

Sorting inventory must be one of the most boring and tedious tasks in SL, but we need to keep this straight and try to be serious about it. I always sort after a shopping trip, and then because of the amount of notecards and things related to events, including of course all the assets I create and upload, I try making quarterly clean-ups. (Actually, I'm a little weird and I like sorting my inventory, but I know that this is not the expected feeling in the average SL user.)

I'm also considering about writing a short introduction to programming, in general lines, for those that want to learn to script in SL, or in other languages. I've been wanting to bring this tutorial back from oblivion since I killed it about a decade ago, and just a couple of weeks ago, when I learned my first bits of Python for Blender, I felt I wanted to do it (it will be in English, of course, not in Spanish). I'll write the long why I consider that this is necessary in the introduction, so I will spare you from that pain now. And of course, I will continue with my usual rambling, like I'm doing right now.

Participating in events can be too draining, particularly when you still don't have the same skills that other merchants have, and you need to learn and practice more while at the same time you have to be in time for the deadlines you've committed to. I feel I will give a deep thought about what I'm doing in events and if all of them are worth the hassle.

So, here I am, in the first stage of resting my mind.

What do you do when you're burned out, to be back on track? I'm curious about: feel free to share!

Have a great day :-)

PHOTO CREDITS

Mesh hands: Coco Doll, Hands (1), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh ears: Coco Doll, Ears (Human), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh head: Coco Doll, Head 002A (Closed Eyes), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh body: Coco Doll, Upper part is Bandage&Cut, lower part is Bandage, from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)

Hair: Full of Grace, Reds, from Exile
Scissor hands: Scissor hands, female, from Remarkable Oblivion

Pose #1: Death at sea #4 (mirror), Black Tulip (mine)
Pose #2: Death at sea #5 (mirror), Black Tulip (mine)

WL Water: Pond
WL Sky: [TOR] NIGHT - Under a yellow moon

Fallen Angels

Paradise was promised to us, until the day he confessed to his weakness and how much help he needed. They turned their heads towards me in wrath and blamed me for having allowed that he was weak. Their affection turned immediately in hate and so they stabbed me until I could no longer stand up, then kicked me out.

He came after me, despite of their begging and their let her die, and as he was crossing the doors to reunite with me in Hell, they stabbed him too. Their own son.

We were left alone with wounds that wouldn't let us move and live, hoping for a quick death.

But not even Death wanted us, and we had to survive in a world where we were the only ones we could trust. We were so hurt that started attacking each other. We were full of anger with nothing else to take it on but the other one. The blame, the blame. Who was to be blamed?

IMAGE: Fallen Angels, in Flickr

We are the Fallen Angels. We paid the price for defying the sacred societal rules. We are still angry. And now we begin to heal and stand up.

This story is also published in The Night Corner

PHOTO CREDITS - She

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya
Mesh feet: Lara's feet, from Maitreya
Mesh head: Stella, from Lelutka
Eyes: Phantom Eyes, Snow, from Dead Apples

Skin: Karin Applier, Opal (Fantasy Line), from Glam Affair
Lipstick: Alexa Lips, Black, from JUMO
Hair: City Princess, Russet (Reds pack), from Exile

Tiara: Leaf headpiece, Silver, from Zenith
Wings: Eternity Wings, Carnal, from Remarkable Oblivion

Top, Skirt, Wrist and Arm bands: Arcane Dancer Silks, from Deviance (This is an old set, made out of sculpts and flexi prims)

Pose: Fallen Angels, coming tomorrow for Oneword, Black Tulip (mine)

PHOTO CREDITS - He

Mesh body, hands and feet: TMP, the free demo; Skin tone, 11
Skin: Lucis, Tone 07 B, from Tableau Vivant
Wings: Eternity Wings, Carnal, from Remarkable Oblivion

Pose: Fallen Angels, coming tomorrow for Oneword, Black Tulip (mine)

PHOTO CREDITS - Landscape

Several sets from Studio Skye
Cemetery De Morte, from Pandemonium

Windlight: Phototools- Dream Book Light 02

Mesh cooking experiences for the Multicultural Menu event

I've always liked sculpt food, then mesh food. It adds interest to tables, and it's something colorful that I like to have rezzed out. I feel that some spots are more inviting when there is food out. And until this event, is something I never did before, mesh-wise.

I think it was January when I heard about the Multicultural Menu. The idea behind the event, like the name suggests, is bringing food from all places in the world, in one spot. I thought it would be an interesting challenge to me, and so I applied.

Yes, when I applied, I knew that this event was going to push my boundaries and bring me out of my comfort zone. I've cammed close all the mesh food I have around, and I already knew that while creating the mesh itself could be simple, the task that would require the most time, and skills, is texturing. And if there's something I suck at, that is... Yes, texturing.

Again, I haven't had the time to create everything I wanted, and I confess that after seeing what the guys of bauwerk did, I nearly fainted (Their bakery is awesome. Waves to Paco and Manu). I don't have all the experience they have, I know this, but I felt like a newbie when comparing my work to theirs.

Why would I want to compare my work to what others do? Because if I think that my current set of skills is the best I can do, I will never improve them. I always look at what others do better than me, to set new goals. Whether what I do is good in itself, or not, the important to me is that I can always do better. And so I want to do better.

I've been slow, painfully slow, when creating my items. I have this bad habit of wanting to create everything as if I were to explain to someone else how to make it. It slows me down (and I end up not writing how I've done it anyway). On the good side, I've learned a bit about texturing food in Blender (and texture painting - lots of texture painting), and I've figured out some tricks to speed up the process of creating the medium and low LOD models of all the food. Like real cooking, creating mesh food takes time... and baking time! (Now that's a bad joke that you only get if you know that we bake textures in the 3D program, Blender in my case. My apologies. Maybe.)

One thing I've liked from this event, as a personal experience, is that I've felt a bit of pride, for once, of being Spanish. But just a bit: Enough as to want to bring some typical food from Spain, to SL. Keeping with the spirit of this event being multicultural, I haven't translated the food names. Also, I've cooked/prepared the food you will see in my mesh items. Yes, textures in the food come from actual food I eventually ate :-)

I know that many will not agree with me in this: Where we're born is an accident, we don't choose this. That's why normally I see no point in feeling proud because of the accident of having born at one place. It would be like feeling proud of your skin color or your hair color: It's something that is given to you at birth.

I'm also not particularly proud of this country, but the reasons are not for here (at least, not now.)

But if there's something we're good at... That is cooking! (At least until we're completely assimilated by fast food franchises). I love the food in my country, and I like cooking it. And although the event is now open and I've finished what I have for it, I've decided that I will continue bringing more Spanish flavour to SL. That's actually something that I know very well how it is, first hand :-)

I'm leaving it here. Check out what I've cooked (this time literally), grab the taxi to the event... And have a great day!

PHOTO CREDITS

Furniture, food, drinks: Black Tulip, out now at the Multicultural Menu event.
WL: Phototools- Got It Light

I have lost an angel

I've been trusted the care of an angel, and I couldn't save its wings.

This story is also published in The Night Corner

It doesn't matter if they've been with me just one day, or hours. I can never get over the fact that at times, they won't make it, and will die under my care. And no amount of words, of "you did the best you could", will take away from my mind "what if I could have done something else to save them, if only I had known what."

OUTFIT CREDITS

Mesh body: Coco Doll (Bandage & Cut), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh hands: Coco Doll, Hands (1), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh ears: Coco Doll, Ears (Human), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh head: Coco Doll, Head 002A, from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh eyes: Coco Doll, Eyes 002 (Blue), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)

Hair: Felicity, Reds, from Truth
Corset: Orianna Lace Dress, Black (Coco Doll Size), from Zenith
Headpiece: Dahlia hat, black, from Baiastice
Necklace: Misha Dark Fairy, Chocker, from Maxi Gossamer
Wings: Eternity Wings, Carnal, from Remarkable Oblivion

Bird: Tweet companion, included with Newreem hair, from Ohmai Salon

Pose: I lost an angel - I've made it for this picture. I don't know yet if I'll add to a set or not. Oneword's next round word is, by coincidence, Angel, so maybe I will include it.

Windlight: [TOR] DUSK - Siennarel
Landscaping: Studio Skye, several kits; Turnip skydome