Wednesday, May 27, 2015

I have lost an angel

I've been trusted the care of an angel, and I couldn't save its wings.


This story is also published in The Night Corner

It doesn't matter if they've been with me just one day, or hours. I can never get over the fact that at times, they won't make it, and will die under my care. And no amount of words, of "you did the best you could", will take away from my mind "what if I could have done something else to save them, if only I had known what."

OUTFIT CREDITS

Mesh body: Coco Doll (Bandage & Cut), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh hands: Coco Doll, Hands (1), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh ears: Coco Doll, Ears (Human), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh head: Coco Doll, Head 002A, from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh eyes: Coco Doll, Eyes 002 (Blue), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)

Hair: Felicity, Reds, from Truth
Corset: Orianna Lace Dress, Black (Coco Doll Size), from Zenith
Headpiece: Dahlia hat, black, from Baiastice
Necklace: Misha Dark Fairy, Chocker, from Maxi Gossamer
Wings: Eternity Wings, Carnal, from Remarkable Oblivion

Bird: Tweet companion, included with Newreem hair, from Ohmai Salon

Pose: I lost an angel - I've made it for this picture. I don't know yet if I'll add to a set or not. Oneword's next round word is, by coincidence, Angel, so maybe I will include it.

Windlight: [TOR] DUSK - Siennarel
Landscaping: Studio Skye, several kits; Turnip skydome

Monday, May 25, 2015

Self-restraint

I wrote something with the intention of having it published the last day of the last year. It was scheduled, and in the last minute, I pulled it away. If you've been reading me for some time, you may think that I don't know what self restraint is, because it seems like if I say things right as they pop in my mind. But the truth is that I practice self-restraint more often than I'd like. You cannot know, because if I decide not to hit Publish, Blogger will not tell you this person decided not to publish. Blogger only shows what I decide to publish, keeping the rest of posts as Drafts, drafts whose existence I'm the only one that knows about.

I give those posts some time. I read them again, and then I decide. Some more time? Rewriting? Deleting?

This self-restraint can be a good thing at times. It's better not to say things you may regret, or maybe give yourself time to go through whatever you're going through that made you write something perhaps too harsh at that point.


The irony is that the more I continue writing and explaining about the reasons why bringing now pieces of a draft post that I wrote at the end of 2014, the more I don't like what I'm writing and so I am... Refraining myself from typing more.


Why bringing draft posts now? Simply because I'm preparing to write a long series of posts that I hope will be useful for people in SL, I had started to create a pile of drafts, and I thought that before continuing, I should clean up all the other drafts I had pending to review. Re-reading the ones that are still left, I thought I could use this one for some reflection material. Since I tend to reflect in loud typing, I started typing, then I changed my mind, then I tried to rewrite, then I took more pics than the one I had in the 2014 draft and wrote credits for all of them, written some more, then I thought meh I don't like this...


This is me, looking at the mess I've just done

So here I am, leaving you with a strange mess that I don't want to delete, because it makes a point about self-restraint... Maybe because I should have restrained myself about this.

The irony isn't lost in me. facepalms at self

Have a great day :-)

PHOTO CREDITS


PHOTO 1


Mesh body: Venus, from Belleza
Mesh hands: Slink's hands, Relaxed, from Slink
Nail polish: Simplicity Dark, Crimson, from Black Tulip (mine) for Slink hands (not the updated ones)

Skin: Lulu 02 C, Jamaica, from Glam Affair
Freckles: Cassiopea Cosmetics, A (tn), from Glam Affair
Hair: Pop Scotch, Dark Reds, from Analog Dog
Eyelids: Mesh eyelids, from Slink

Dress: Valetta, Ivory, from Junbug
Mask: Curiata, from Illusions

Pose: Dreamer, Black Tulip (mine), store group gift.

Windlight: Sorry, I don't remember it, since I took the photo at the end of 2014. However, chances are high that I used this: Tron Legacy clean
Landscaping: Studio Skye, Enchanted Woods and Enchanted Paths kits

PHOTOS 2 AND 3


Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya
Mesh head: Stella, from Lelutka

Skin: Stella Applier, Polar (Fantasy Line), from Glam Affair
Lipstick: Included in Stella Applier
Hair: City Princess, Russet (Reds pack), from Exile

Dress: Diletta gown, Ink, from Junbug

Tiara: Leaf headpiece, Silver, from Zenith
Head adornment: Aeranae's Embrace Adornment, from Empyrean Forge (EmpyreanForge Resident)
Arm bands: Aeranae's Embrace Vambrace Black, from Empyrean Forge (EmpyreanForge Resident)
Ruffle Collar: Embellished Ruffle Collar, Black, from Glam Affair
Necklace: Roysin necklace, black, from LaGyo
Earrings: Roysin earrings and bud earrings, black, from LaGyo

Spider: Spider face, from DRD (Death Row Designs)
Umbrella: Victorian umbrella, from DRD (Death Row Designs)

Pose: Dark Fairy #3 - Mirror, Black Tulip (mine), and the holding pose that came with the umbrella (which changes the arms position in my own pose)

Windlight: [TOR] DUSK - Siennarel
Landscaping: Studio Skye, several kits; Turnip skydome

Monday, May 18, 2015

To be unique, original and special (Or not to be)

This post came as a consequence of wanting to participate in another of Berry's Monday challenges. Of course, I had to derail myself, but I promise that if you keep reading... I eventually get there!

I'm not sure if being original/unique has ever been a concern to me, or something I did brag about. (Asking to people that know me for long, they say they don't remember this.) I know I wanted to be special to some people when I was a little girl (my parents; who doesn't want to be special to their own parents?), but after my failure, even being special was something I was no longer interested into.

If you think about it just for a moment, the genetic variability alone implies that each one of us is, by definition, unique. Then why do we worry so much? You may tell me that's not true, we don't worry or, at least, you don't worry. Well, it's possible. But my observations make me think differently about it.

For example, as soon as someone says anything about what normal people do, many others around will start saying things like but who wants to be normal?, normal is overrated, normal is boring, I embrace my crazy, normal is for losers, what is normal, anyway?... You get the idea. I would be surprised if you've never heard/read anything like this.

It's my impression that some (many?) people fear to be labeled, as if that would make them lose their uniqueness. The problem I see is that by rushing yourself into screaming loud you're unique, you're original, normal is overrated, and so on... You're labeling yourself as someone who belongs to the set of people that say they're unique, original and normal is overrated. Which is quite of a huge set with so many people in it, and if you know that normal refers to average... Yes, the irony is that by screaming how unique, original, etc. you are, you're actually being quite normal.

Personally, I want to be what we understand as a normal person with a normal life. Family, dog(s), cats, weekends... all that. I don't fear normality. I'm not interested in being special nor in proving how original and unique I am. I don't fear not being recognized in a crowd. That can be an advantage more often than not.

I have no problem at all if you (generic you), on the other hand, want to be unique, special, original... However you call it. I would ask only for one tiny detail. If you claim to be original, unique... then, for kitties' sake, do not fall into contradictions and stereotypes. Do not be that predictable.

Yes, it's really facepalming reading one, several, or all of the following statements, when someone claims to be original, unique:

  • Quotes from famous people. Particularly when the attribution is incorrect. (I'm sure that Albert Einstein would be surprised of all the things that people say, he said.) But this always makes me raise an eyebrow because if you're so original and unique, why don't you create your own quotes? Why do you have to use (or copy/paste, when on Internet) what others say?
  • Speaking of quotes: Spreading motivational quotes is quite non-original, if you're concerned about being original. Also, have you ever thought about the implications of those, apparently, motivating quotes? I promise that some day, I have to dissect some of my favorite ones.
  • I'm not your typical woman/man (My typical woman/man say that they're not typical.)
  • Laugh about normality and say that crazy is all the rage and how you roll. Until someone suggests that you could be crazy. For real. Then you quickly claim you're normal, not sick. (Since we're talking averages, would you like to know how normal is to be sick?)
  • No copy/no modify/no transfer (Like all the other people that also write that)
  • I'm not your typical bitch (Extra points at the use of the word bitch; rant material for another moment)

It's a short list because I didn't want to spend a long time compiling all the things I've seen, but you get the idea. I admit that I may fall into one or several of the categories above, but I don't claim that I'm unique/original/special, nor that I'm over being normal, so I can indulge in the pleasures of normality and falling into stereotypes without contradicting myself :-)

I couldn't help thinking of all this as Lelutka's mesh heads were announced, and released. Many people said "yes, they're pretty, but what about my uniqueness? I don't want to look like a clone."

I have some thoughts about this. ("Is there anything you have no thoughts about?" Good point.)

I like my SL-face. I've mixed aspects of my RL face with aspects of one fantasy character from my childhood until I got my current face, which now stands for almost two years. I would love if there was a mesh head exactly like that: The time I would save smoothing edges when I take a close-up! (Or just so I don't feel bad for not smoothing them when I have no time.)

But I don't put my uniqueness, my identity, into my SL-face. In fact, I'm not afraid of looking like a clone. I like these mesh heads, and I use them. Not daily, but I use them. The ones I use nowadays are Lelutka's heads and the new Lilith from Genesis Lab, which shows in the ads for my new releases at World Goth Fair. Because I'm not attached to my SL-face when using a mesh head, I can play more with different skin tones, tones that at times do not sit well in my SL-face.

When I think about it, I really don't understand why that fear about looking like clones with mesh heads. Back in 2009, some Redgrave skins were all the rage, and all girls using those skins looked all the same. It was like that too, with some LAQ skins that were pretty common in 2009, 2010 and even 2011. And what about Curio skins? They were beautiful, but I was unable to distinguish the girls using them. Things are even worse with male skins. Those BadAzz ones? Yep, don't ask me to tell you what makes guys using them different one from the other.

My point with this is that many of our faces have been looking quite like others all the time. Why does the concern show now, with mesh heads?

Some mesh heads allow for appliers, and they can look quite different depending on the skin applier used. Makeup adds another layer of variety, and then there's your own style. The head is not the whole you. It should not be.


And now finally... On to Berry's Challenge (Told you I would eventually get here.)

Meme Instructions: Share your avatar's digits and/or answer the following questions about mesh bodies.

  • Do you currently own a mesh body? If so, do you wear it all the time or just once in a while? If not, skip to the fourth question.

    Currently, I own several mesh bodies, but the only one I use since it came out is Maitreya. I use it for photos and when I'm at home alone/with Ansel. I try not to use it when I go to places, because it causes extra stress on the graphics cards of everybody around me. If the place is lonely and I want to take pictures, then I wear it.

  • What is your preferred mesh body available on the market right now?

    No doubts here: Maitreya Lara

  • Have you changed your shape since you started wearing the body?

    No. In fact, that's been what made me decide for Maitreya.

    I wanted the mesh body fitting to my sliders, so whether I'm wearing the mesh body or not, my shape is basically the same (particularly, the hip curve; the rest, I don't mind that much if it's a little different). Wowmeh was quite close to this, but it wasn't optimal and it was retired from the market anyway. Maitreya was the next one achieving this, fitting to my shape, and so I'm sticking to it.

  • How do you feel about mesh bodies in general?

    I like them: They save time editing pictures and, of course, look better than the default SL avatar. I wish I could wear mine all the time, but I'm aware of the stress they cause on slow connections and machines, so I try not punishing others just because I want to look pretty no matter the cost, 24x7.

  • What is one thing you would request from designers when it comes to mesh bodies?

    Stick to the UVs of the SL avatar so creators can use their textures without having to work special versions that will fit only one body. That's a mistake Belleza did with Venus, with their hands and feet having different UVs than the SL avatar has. The Omega system cannot convert textures, and creators are already too busy making appliers, as to having to also take on the work of creating a different set of textures for one particular body.

    We know that the UVs of the SL avatar are far from perfect, but mesh bodies could be designed to have different textures applied on left and right arms/feet, using the UVs of the SL avatar. There's no need to use your own and forcing creators to make work specifically for them. Knowing how quickly things happen in the fashion scene, there's no way that creators will seriously consider on all this extra work, for an item that won't be used anymore even before they've had time to complete that extra version.


OUTFIT CREDITS

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh head: Stella, from Lelutka

Skin: Stella Applier, Jamaica, from Glam Affair
Lipstick: Included in Stella Applier
Hair: booN AAN330, red, from booN hair (boo Nakamura)

Dress: Gloriosa, white gold, from -just a girl- (Clarrellae Resident)
Tiara: Eldar Tiara Gold, from Le Forme (Louise Marsault)

Necklace: Aeranae's Embrace Necklace, from Empyrean Forge (EmpyreanForge Resident)
Head adornment: Aeranae's Embrace Adornment, from Empyrean Forge (EmpyreanForge Resident)
(Thanks, Kinn, for telling me about those!)

Pose: Dark Fairy #13, Black Tulip (mine)

Windlight: Phototools- No Light

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Reflecting - Because stances may be refined over time

My previous post, "Lost in the woods" - World Goth Fair is almost here, was a little harsher than I use to write. I've had interesting feedback; here, in the SL Feed and in Plurk, and it's likely a topic that my mind will continue to shape.

Something that I found interesting is that people who laugh with no malice and no harm intention, were the ones thinking about what I said. It's interesting because those that point and laugh, exactly in the way I explained, are the ones that didn't say a word. Maybe they didn't read it, maybe they did and they thought this is not me. I cannot know if they don't say, but I think it's relevant no matter the reason.

I'm going to talk a little more about the maybe they did and they thought 'this is not me' case, for in my mind, this mindset is closely related either to bullies, or to (willful?) blindness about them.

Bullying is an issue, we all know this, even if only because we repeat the mantra bullies are evil. Sadly, the fact that some people repeat it like a mantra, singing a song without understanding the lyrics, doesn't help to the issue.

It doesn't help because bullies often point themselves as victims, and scream that their victims are bullies (that's the kind of statement that seems quite easy to believe without evidence). If you're one of these people that just recites the mantra, but have given no thought at the particular situation, you may be indeed supporting a bully. I know, you know better than to be manipulated. Heard the song before, got the t-shirt. Given my experience in life, allow me to raise an eyebrow over your confidence that you know better than to be manipulated.

Identifying an actual victim, someone who isn't attention whoring, or trying to divert from the fact that they're the ones bullying, is a problem for the real victims. As humans, we err on the safe side of providing attention and sympathy to anyone saying they have a problem, instead of exerting some kind of critical scrutiny and considering, before showing our support, if the person could be lying. In fact, it's socially not accepted that you have doubts, because how you dare, don't you see the poor person suffering, what kind of monster are you... Bully! (Don't you see the irony there?)

You know, I would like, I really would like, not having to think if someone is lying to me when they say they're suffering. I really would like if I could blindly offer sympathy and support. But in a world where I've seen more monsters portraying themselves as victims, than victims, I feel I do well in raising an eyebrow when someone screams I'm a victim!, no matter if society gives me the side eye.

People lie, and it is my right to be skeptical. When I make questions, I don't do them because I want to further dig inside your injury. I do because sadly too many people are professional victims and in being such professionals, wow, they are inflicting tremendous damage to the real victims. This damage is that many others begin to doubt, and make questions that hurt when you're a real victim, because sadly, what if they're lying is a legitimate question in this world. Some people doubt because of bullies that portray themselves as victims, because of professional victims that make a catastrophe in their lives from a broken nail, because of people that constantly scream foul at the minimal opposition they find.

This only hurts the real victims, which often are blamed of what happened to them, while bullies seem to have easy gathering the sympathy, help and resources that belong to the victims, during the time that others have the blind on about them (and this can be a long time). I don't know about you, but this is something that concerns me a lot.


Remember when I published Mean comments? My take on the topic? That article was somehow applauded, and I swear my eyes rolled really hard at some of the people who did: Professional victims. Exactly the kind of people I warned about. The lack of self awareness is certainly strong in those that always, always, always, make it about themselves when someone else is talking about their problems. "I sure understand you, because when [insert here the it's all about me story, I wasn't really listening to you, I just want to talk about myself and how unfair life is to me, me-me-me]". That's one of the reasons why I wonder more about (some) people who didn't respond to my previous post, than about the people who did respond.

I know that this is a recurrent topic in this blog. But while bullies continue to portray themselves as victims, the world has one (among many other) serious problem, and I feel like talking about it.

At times I've read that we support bullies when we're merely bystanders and don't stand by the victims. I think a little differently. I think that we support bullies when we don't realize who they are, and in defending the one we believe is the victim, we're defending the tormentor instead. We support bullies when we do not think critically and let instead our heart ruling us (particularly if the bully could be a friend/family/lover - or the victim is someone we dislike).

Before choosing sides, I want to make sure of who is who, no matter their relationship with me. And I feel no shame for that.

Have a great day :-)

OUTFIT CREDITS

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya
Mesh feet: Slink High feet, from Slink
Mesh head: Lilith 2.0, from Genesis Lab
Ears: Lilith head ears, from Genesis Lab
Eyes: Lilith eyes, from Genesis Lab
Skin: Milk tone applier of the Lilith head

Hair: Justine, from Pale Empress

Dress: Charlotte gown, from Pale Empress
Necklace: Severina, Medallion Collar, Red, from Pale Empress
Shoes: Persephone ribbon slippers, from Pale Empress

Poses: Lost in the woods, Black Tulip (mine), out now for World Goth Fair.

Windlight: [TOR] DUSK - Siennarel
Landscaping: Studio Skye, several kits; Turnip skydome

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

"Lost in the woods" - World Goth Fair is almost here

It seems that the more posts I publish, the more things I want to write about. Sadly I don't have time to write that much. But I'll try to keep up with my thoughts.

One day, when I was eight year old, my mother thought that I would look cute if I would wear a long dress, and I went to school in it (I was born in a moment of history when kids walked on their own feet to go school.)

I barely remember that dress. I know it was sleeveless, and its color was sienna. In my eight year old mind, I felt like if I were walking on grass fields in my way to school, I felt beautiful and I was probably smiling like an idiot. When I arrived to school, everybody made fun of me and my dress. When it was playground time that morning, I ran back home, crying, threw the dress to the floor and wore my usual ugly sports clothes. Then I went back to school, and avoided everybody during the rest of the day.

You may think they were jealous or anything... That's not the point I'm going after.

There's something in humans that make us to be cruel toward other humans, for example, when others don't look similar to the way we do. Maybe it's an instinct that helps us distinguish friends from enemies, at a very basic level. I don't know. I know that when someone doesn't look according to the current trends, that someone is looked down, mocked on, made feel that they do not belong. To our small circle, to society.

I don't know if this is a learned behaviour or not. I know that in any case, it's something we can control. As we grow, we can realize that cruelty toward others isn't really something good, and particularly, cruelty because someone looks different. People come in all sizes, colors and dressing choices. Who are we to decide which is the right size, color and dressing choice?

The title of this post says, World Goth Fair is almost here. Yet another event. Well, yes. It's another event. If you visit their webpage, and click on About WGF, you can read this:

World Goth Fair is an annual Second Life event, officially sanctioned by the folks at World Goth Day.

In the World Goth Day website we can read:

World Goth Day is exactly what it says on the wrapper-a day where the goth scene gets to celebrate its own being, and an opportunity to make its presence known to the rest of the world. This day falls on 22nd May of every year.

Before I applied for it the last year, I followed the World Goth Day link, googled a bit, and found out about the Sophie Lancaster Foundation (Last year, the SL event raised money for it, but because of organizational issues that we can read in the SL event website, this year it won't benefit the charity. The reasons are not the point of this post anyway.)

As we can read here, Sophie and her boyfriend were beaten because they looked different. She died. You're probably pulling your hair now, thinking gosh, violence! and things like that. Wait a bit, because I may still have something for you.

Because of the way I opened my post, you can figure that even though I don't look Goth/Gothic 100% of my SL time, I wanted to participate, and so I wanted this time. This year, I decided that I would create a series of poses to celebrate... That you are different? That you're unique?

No.

I decided that I would create a series of poses to celebrate that you are you. In the look that would be expectable for the event, but with that message. And that's how Lost in the woods saw the light.



Now, I promised that if you pulled your hair, thinking violence, etc., after learning about what happened to Sophie... I may have something for you. Something I've been thinking about recently (since a year or so.)

One of my pet peeves, no matter RL or SL, is when I see someone publishing a photo of a stranger, to point and laugh and have others piling and also pointing and laughing because of... looks.

See, I don't care how funny you find that a man decides to wear orange stockings in public, tight pants or a skirt; that an old woman isn't wearing a bra, a young woman doesn't wax their armpits, or in SL, that someone decides to sport big gravity defying ass and breasts. In private, you can laugh all you want.

But if you publish those pictures, and start making comments like my eyes!, not safe for life, why would they want to look like that, they should keep that hidden and similar ones (which by the way, I see too often), to me... You're (almost) as cruel as the people who killed Sophie. Violence is not only physical. It can also be inflicted psychologically. If you feel you have a right to show a photo of a stranger and have others laugh and go EW! about that stranger because of looks, you're not that different from those who killed Sophie, nor that different from those that body shame. The seed of cruelty is also in you. Fortunately, you can still think about it.

And let's be honest here: Do you think that your beauty and clothing standards define the beauty and clothing standards of the whole world? Get over yourself. People come in many sizes, colors and dressing choices. Not your choices.

Told you. I may have something for you.

OUTFIT CREDITS

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya
Mesh feet: Slink High feet, from Slink
Mesh head: Lilith 2.0, from Genesis Lab
Ears: Lilith head ears, from Genesis Lab
Eyes: Lilith eyes, from Genesis Lab
Skin: Milk tone applier of the Lilith head

Hair: Justine, from Pale Empress

Dress: Charlotte gown, from Pale Empress
Necklace: Severina, Medallion Collar, Red, from Pale Empress
Shoes: Persephone ribbon slippers, from Pale Empress
Bird: Tweet companion, included with Newreem hair, from Ohmai Salon

Poses: Lost in the woods, Black Tulip (mine), coming for World Goth Fair.

Windlight: [TOR] DUSK - Siennarel
Landscaping: Studio Skye, several kits; Turnip skydome

Sunday, May 10, 2015

A broken switch

The priest was smiling to her. She was confused and a little scared. A strange thought was wandering in her mind, an incomplete phrase. It was the voice of the priest, saying to another man "do not worry... she will like it, and will come back for more, and again... and when she resists, we will..." When the priest approached, she didn't like how familiar it felt. He told her that she would find her room outside, in the little build next to the church, and what her job was. His finger felt like concrete, scratching, when he brushed her cheek.

A flash came to her memories. She had accepted a gift from the priest, some time in the past. So they met at some point, despite she had no recollection of this. Trying to remember what was that gift, all she would get was a headache, as if somebody were screaming inside her mind.

The days went by. Nobody ever stopped by, not even by the graveyard, which she visited daily. The candles in the darkness of the church always brought flashes of lost memories to her mind, but she didn't know what to do with them. The images made no sense. A box with a snake? Another man, examining her from the distance?

The priest would always smile at her in a way that made her tremble, freeze. Something in his expression told her that he was waiting... for the right time. She decided she had to run away from that eerie place. She would do the next day.

That night, she had a strange dream. In her dream, she was in bed. She could hear the priest and another man talking about her past, the sin, the shame she had brought. Then she saw what was the gift. She wanted to take it but remembered, this was not the first time. Something happened next, all the other times.

A hooded otherworldly creature showed up in her room, the bed cover was suddenly a mess and she could feel the creature was coming for her. She screamed, screamed while trying to stand up and avoid that ghostly touch... and woke up. Her heart was still racing when she looked to the left. The moon light coming by the window allowed her to see that the creature was still there. Her voice failed and she tried to turn the light on. The light switch wasn't working. Rigid, scared, she then looked to the right. Lying next to her, on the bed, there was another of those hooded creatures. She screamed loud but her voice wouldn't come out. The creatures showed their faces. One of them was the priest. And the other one... Could it be? Could it really be?

Father...


This story is also published in The Night Corner

PHOTO CREDITS

OUTFIT, POSE AND WINDLIGHT

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya
Mesh feet: Lara's feet, from Maitreya

Skin: Lulu 02 C, Jamaica, from Glam Affair
Freckles: Cassiopea Cosmetics, A (tn), from Glam Affair
Hair: Teddy, Reds02, from Truth

Slip dress: Silk Slip Dress, black, from ISON

Pose: Looking inside (the mirror) #6, Black Tulip (mine), out now at Oneword.
Facial expression: Afraid.

Windlight: Phototools- No Light

FURNITURE

Dutchie summer bed bondage II, from Dutchie
Bedside Tables, from LAQ

For the hooded creatures, I rezzed this item: Ruby Cloak, from Apsara (It was available at the Little Redhood edition of Enchantment, February 2014, so I don't know if this is for sale anymore)

House: Autumn Cottage, from Trompe Loeil

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Science as a candle in the dark

One of the persons that influenced me the most when I was a little girl was Carl Sagan. I barely remember the Cosmos TV series, but I remember the effect that watching that series had in me. He was an astrophysicist, and I would say that, above that, a lover of knowledge, of science. He was able to transmit this love for knowledge, which is almost as important as knowledge itself.

Today I was making a pose and a wearable prop that one of my bloggers suggested me, and while thinking of a name for it, the whole picture made me remember one of my favorite books: The Demon Haunted World: Science as a candle in the dark. This is a book from Carl Sagan, where he talks about science and pseudoscience.


Among others, Sagan explains in that book why pseudocience is always easier for us to accept. Pseudoscience seems to offer a magical and marvelous view of the world that science seems not to offer. Regardless of its truth value, pseudoscience sounds cool. How exciting our boring lives would be, if all those marvels were true, yes?

I've written that science "seems not to offer" that same magical and marvelous view of the world, in italics, because, like Sagan, I do not share that view. Science also offers an amazing view of the world, and which is better: this view of the world is based on evidence, while pseudoscience never offers such a thing. We can believe in fairies if we wish, but when it comes to the development of knowledge, science offers a reliable method to achieve it, while pseudoscience has been walking in circles for centuries without a piece of evidence to backup any of its claims. Otherwise, it would be called... Science.

Maybe I will develop on this in the future. Science has always interested me, and for reasons that don't matter now, I've also studied pseudocience. Why, if I claim that you can't obtain knowledge from it? Well, that's a long story, and certainly not a story to be told today.

For now, I'll wish you a great day :-)

OUTFIT CREDITS

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya
Mesh feet: Slink High feet, from Slink
Mesh head: Lilith 2.0, from Genesis Lab
Ears: Lilith head ears, from Genesis Lab
Eyes: Lilith eyes, from Genesis Lab
Skin: Milk tone applier of the Lilith head

Hair: Felicity, Reds, from Truth

Dress: Persephone gown, from Pale Empress
Necklace: Severina, Medallion Collar, Red, from Pale Empress
Shoes: Persephone ribbon slippers, from Pale Empress
Wings: Eternity Wings, Aphrodisiac, from Remarkable Oblivion

Pose and wearable orb: Light in the dark, Black Tulip (mine), coming for The Countdown Room, May.

Windlight: Phototools- No Light

Saturday, May 2, 2015

A ghost tale behind the scenes (and some Blender tips)

The apprentice


Sarah wanted to learn the secrets of the afterlife and spells to bring spirits back to Earth. She knew of a magician that took her under his tutelage. She learned the basics, but her eagerness about darkness soon gave her away, and the magician became cautious. Expecting that Sarah would steal a small book with the most powerful recipes (for apprentices always wanted to run before they knew how to walk), he cast a spell upon it. The book was sealed.

Five days later, the Full Moon was up in the sky, and Sarah took what she thought her best chance. As the magician predicted, she stole the book and fled, hiding in the cemetery.

She sat on a stub next to the mausoleums, ready to open the book. The book wouldn't open, though. She mumbled, cursing the magician and the book at the same time, and spent a while thinking. She remembered a spell to open sealed boxes, and decided to try. "A closed box and a closed book are the same things. Closed things," were her thoughts.

She put the book on the ground and her hands were over the cover. She said the words, feeling her fingers tingling. Smiling, she looked down, finding that the book had opened. Her eyes danced over the pages and found what she had been searching for. The spell was difficult, but if successful, she could invoke a shadow from the death, a stealthy creature that would follow the people she wanted, making for her to see inside their minds and learn their best kept secrets.

A blurry shape started to show on the mirror. It was a woman. Bald, white, Sarah could see through her. The woman seemed to be sleeping, then she raised her head and started to look around. Sarah was excited and, at the same time, a little scared. She had the creature right in front of her. Now what?


The woman smiled, showing her palms, reaching to the mirror's surface. "Touch my hands, Sarah," she said. Sarah walked closer. Her hands doubted. "I know why you summoned me. I will first visit the magician, and tell you all that he hides in his mind. Touch my hands, Sarah, and it will be done," the woman on the mirror insisted, in soothing tone.


The mirror's surface felt warm in Sarah's hands. The sensations were puzzling. The mirror seemed to melt in her hands while the woman inside started reaching outside, walking through Sarah.

Before she realized, Sarah was inside the mirror, confused. Outside, the ghostly woman was nowhere to be seen. The magician was there, instead. His expression, stern, revealed that the deceiving woman inside the mirror was the actual spell sealing the book. She started to cry, begged him to release her. He only said, "Think about what you did, Sarah. Think. You will be staying here for a long time." He then turned around, and walked away.

This story is also published in The Night Corner

Behind the scenes: Blender tips


WARNING: The following text-article isn't aimed to people completely new to Blender and the insight of building and scripting in SL. You will need some experience in all those fields to follow the ideas I explain.

I've mentioned more than once how I love the fact that we can use SL to build scenes, take pictures, and then use those pictures to create stories with them. Today I also want to share technical details about how I created one item, in case this gives ideas to other people.

This is the mirror I created for the Oneword event, Darkness round (May 2015, so, right now):


This mirror was designed to be used as a photo prop. When you sit on the mirror object, the first animation is a standard I'm looking at myself on the mirror pose. But then, we see that the reflection is showing... a ghost? that is imitating our pose. As we change poses, we see the reflection on the mirror vanishing, then showing a different reflection.

The idea was showing a ghost that emerges on the surface and shows their intention of reaching out to the person on the other side of the mirror. However, I started deciding on the technical details after I had modeled and UV mapped the mirror above.

To begin with, how do we get this ghost showing on the mirror? We do it by adding a separate face over the mirror, in a different material, in Blender:


This sounds fairly easy if you thought of the feature from the beginning, and modeled your object with that in mind. But often will happen something different. For example, I had the mirror completed (UV mapped, and the LOD models were also done) when I thought of the effect:


If you're not too experienced with Blender, and particularly, with UV mapping, you may think that you're doomed, you will have to redo all the UV mapping, redo the LOD models again... I'm going to show that when you think of an addition to your model once it's completed, you may not have to pull your hair.

To begin with, notice where I UV mapped the mirror surface:


This gives me plenty of room to add the overlayed ghost surface (a plane), move it a little above the mirror surface, scale it (in this case, it was S X 0.5), unwrap only the just added plane, and then move the face on the UV layout all the way to the right (you just have to hold CTRL to snap to grid over the UV/Image Editor while you grab in X):


Then I make sure of adding a plane on the medium LOD model, make it have the same size and position than in the high LOD, and then unwrap that plane alone (Since I scaled using S X 0.5, I easily get the same size). I assign that face to the same material that the high LOD used, then move the face to the same position in the UV map. Once done, I can now do the same on the low LOD model. Using CTRL to snap to grid over the UV/Image Editor ensures that the face will be UV mapped on the same place in all high, medium and low LOD models. I didn't do a lowest LOD model for this, because it being a piece of furniture, I don't expect it to be seen from very far away. So I reduced this last LOD to the minimum number of triangles the uploader allows, to keep the LI as low as possible. I used a box for physics.

This setup allows us to show the ghost over the mirror, or hide it, showing only the mirror. But there's another issue, which I thought of after I had added this plane.

The prop has six different poses (then mirrors), and it shows six different images of the ghost. This means, six different textures. Because textures have to fully load, this can ruin the effect when changing poses, showing gray textures while they arrive to our computers. They eventually load, but it would be a lot smoother, and credible, for the prop, if there's no wait time once we see that the mirror prop is fully rezzed and textured.

So, what do we do now?

This was my solution: To begin with, we're talking about six textures. If I use one 512x512 texture for the mirror surface and the ghost, I can use a 1024x1024 texture to put four textures with different ghost setups:


So this means that just two textures cover my six ghost positions:


Of course, I will need of some scripting to correctly change repeats and offsets in each pose. The important thing is that I have reduced the need of using six textures, to needing two textures. I can easily preload those two textures if I have two more separate SL-faces, each one of them containing one texture, and having the transparency turned all the way up to 100% on those two. How do we translate two SL-faces to Blender? Two more materials.

At the moment, our object has three materials: the cast iron, the mirror surface, and the ghost plane. SL limits mesh objects up to eight materials. This means I can still use five materials, which is cool, for I just need two, after having simplified six textures to just two.

The simplest way I found to do this inside Blender was this (then of course you have to repeat these steps per LOD model):

Duplicate the ghost-face in Blender, move it a little behind the mirror itself, scale it down (for example, S 0.5; use a scale value that you can easily replicate in your LOD models). Since you've duplicated an already UV mapped face, you have not to think at all in UV maps. Not that it matters in this particular case, for the preloading faces will be 100% transparent, but in other cases, this could be relevant.

We've duplicated a plane. A plane is a quad: Two triangles. Convert that quad into two triangles with the Quad to Tris function under the faces menu (CTRL F). Now create two extra materials. Assign one of those triangles to one of the extra materials. The other triangle to the other material. Rinse, repeat in the Medium and Low LODs. Done.


Maybe I could have decided on using 256x256 textures for mirror and ghost. Then just one 1024x1024 texture would make it, for it can hold up to sixteen 256x256 textures. But thinking of the size of the object and the quality of the textures, I decided on 512x512 as base. The reason being, 256x512 are actually what's used by the mirror, and then 256x512 for the ghost. Had I gone for 256x256 per frame, only 128x256 would be for the mirror, and 128x256 would be for the ghost. The quality loss would be noticeable on the ghost. Still, it's just two textures we're talking about, not six.

If you're using AVsitter, all you need now is coding a script that will be listening to AVsitter messages. When AVsitter tells you that a pose has been selected, you will know which pose is the selected one. Make your script change texture UUID and texture repeats/offsets depending on the selected pose by using llSetLinkPrimitiveParamsFast. The list you have to send, to change repeats and offset, will have the format:

[PRIM_TEXTURE, face, texture, repeats, offsets, rotation_in_radians]

In case you've fiddled with scripts, but are not familiar with this function:

  • PRIM_TEXTURE is literal text, it's a constant name and so it has to be written exactly that way.
  • face refers to the face number. Check this link if you don't know how to obtain the face number of a SL-face.
  • texture is your texture UUID. Make sure of making your script no modify for next owner so it can't be open and read! (Click here for more about permissions if you're not familiar with them.)
  • repeats refers to the horizontal and vertical repeats of the texture. You have to write them like this: <horizontal_repeat, vertical_repeat, 0>
  • offsets refers to the horizontal and vertical offset of the texture. You have to write it like this: <horizontal_offset, vertical_offset, 0>
  • rotation_in_radians is the rotation of the texture. Since we're not changing it, we just write 0 in there, but if you want to change it, remember that LSL is expecting radians! You only know the angle in degrees? No problem: write this for the angle: your_angle_in_degrees * DEG_TO_RAD (DEG_TO_RAD is literal text, it's a constant name that has to be written exactly that way.)

(Sadly, llScaleTexture and llOffsetTexture are not a viable choice for an application like this.)

You're finally done. Have a great day :-)

OUTFIT CREDITS


Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya
Mesh feet: Lara's feet, from Maitreya

Skin: Lulu 02 C, Jamaica, from Glam Affair
Freckles: Cassiopea Cosmetics, A (tn), from Glam Affair

Hair: Windswept, Red eye flight (and tinted), from Clawtooth
Headpiece: Darcy flowers headband, Quarter of Bliss, from Ariskea
Dress: Sylfai gown, primrose, from Evie's Closet (Evangelina Miles)

Pose and prop: Looking inside (the mirror), Black Tulip (mine), (currently at Oneword).

Windlight: [TOR] FOGGY - Silent Heck