Second Life made me learn...

Another week, another Monday challenge from Strawberry Singh (which of course I complete late)... and again, one that tickles my interest. Because it makes you look back and reflect. This week's challenge says:

Meme instructions: Share things that you have learned because of your involvement in Second Life, either personally or professionally. Don't forget to leave a link to your post in the comments so others can come by and read your answers as well!

I think that it's interesting, to begin with, to read Strawberry's answers. They can give you ideas of things you wouldn't have considered as "I have learned this because of what I do in Second Life". Those are her experiences, and I find interesting the conclusions. She first mentions learning Photoshop and Wordpress, which are technical things, and in my experience, quite useful if you work in an office. Learning tools is always good, and it makes easier to learn other tools in the future.

What technical knowledge that I didn't have before have I acquired, because of my SL experience?

There are two major programs here: GIMP and Blender.

It's true that I know GIMP since long time ago (I know someone that was a GIMP developer at the time, and he introduced it to me), but I never went past cropping images. Nowadays I understand better what I'm doing, and how to achieve what I want to do.

Thanks to having started learning Blender, I started learning something that I wanted since almost twenty years ago: 3D modelling and animation. Of course, I'm not saying I'm an expert here (in fact, being an expert is quite far from the truth), but thanks to my work in SL, I've started learning the foundation of something I've been wanting to do since more than half my life.

I have also learned some rudiments of Audacity and working with sound clips. Makehuman, for human models. Filter Forge, to help me in creating textures. QAvimator, which was the first animation software that I used for SL.

I cannot list Blogger, Wordpress or similar here, because I've been a web developer for some years. But that is okay. The important is that while I've been in SL, I've continued to acquire technical knowledge. It has done good to me in that aspect.

I cannot forget this: I have learned English. Sure, I learned English at school and then high school, but I never got a real chance of putting it to practice. To me, that wasn't learning but "learning". I got the chance of really learning English in SL. Since then, I feel I can communicate better, and I even dared teaching in voice, in SL. If life required from me that I move to a country where people speak English, I have good chances to survive. (As long as I don't crack jokes.)

After talking about the technical knowledge she's acquired because of what she does in SL, she explains something even more interesting: What she's learned in the personal.

She mentions (and explains) budgeting and curbing my shopaholicism, customer service and growing a thicker skin. I'm listing them because I want to come back to the last one. First, let's see... What have I learned in the personal?

I think that I'm more diplomatic than I was when I'm behind a screen (Face to face, it seems that I continue to be the woman that will have her face broken some day, in some situations). I think I've learned to be more patient when dealing with others (although not always).

There's one good thing, to me, about treating people behind a screen. It gives me time to read and re-read the exact words that the other person said, no what I remember they said. It gives me time to bite my tongue (although not always I achieve this). It gives me time to think about what to answer. It gives me the chance to rewrite as needed, until I'm sure I will say what I mean, before I hit the Enter key. This, of course, helps a lot with customer service. I have no CSR, so I deal with it myself. I understand that customers, at times, contact you in a situation of frustration, and giving yourself time to answer, and review it before it's final, is a good thing.

I also think that I've broadened my horizons, understood how much variety of characters you find in people, how many different interests... and I've realized that both worlds, RL and SL, are always big enough to hold all the people, in all their diversity. Thanks to my experience in SL I've learned that not understanding why others like what they like means just that. It doesn't mean that your tastes or morals are better. It just means that you don't understand why others prefer other things than those you do, and you should not raise yourself as some kind of Internet White Knight trying to prove them wrong in their tastes/preferences/even kinks. I've learned how great is to live and let others live. I may not understand why others do other things, but that's all about it. And it's none of my business what they do with their private lives.

Notice how I say think, italics, instead of a straight think. Why am I doing this? Because I want to emphasize that I think I've learned those things, no that I have learned them. We're referring here to personal qualities, I may be very well wrong about them. I always say this: We are the worst judges about ourselves, and I am not going to make a exception with myself. So I think I've learned those things, but any of you could prove me wrong, and show that I have not learned them. Hence I think I have learned those things.

Of course, I have met some people that remind me, there are good people in the world. No matter we talk about SL or RL. And this brings me to her last answer. Strawberry says that thanks to SL, she's learned to grow a thicker skin. She talks about how nasty some people are, because they are hidden behind a computer, safe from our reactions, and how nowadays she doesn't feel much bothered by people who are nasty.

To the last thing, all I can say is, good for you. People on the Internet have no more power over you, than the power you give to them.

To the first thing... I don't completely agree.

Dark Fairy 3, in Flickr

Let me repeat something I've said above:

I think that I'm more diplomatic than I was when I'm behind a screen (Face to face, it seems that I continue to be the woman that will have her face broken some day, in some situations).

If the people are brave when they're behind a screen argument was completely true, then it's not possible that I continue to be the same reckless thing face to face (like I said, in some situations), while more moderate when behind the screen. Do you think I wouldn't tell you, face to face, the same things I've told you online? Test me. But some people won't test me, because they know, they cannot censor me like they do with all the mechanisms that the online world gives. (And of course, they will lie about the whole situation. I'm old enough to know the game.)

I am not saying, though, that many brave mouths behind a screen aren't actually cowards when confronted face to face. There are many of these real life cowards, oh yes. And it's fun to see their faces when you confront them in the real world and ask them to repeat what they told you in a forum. (I told you; one day, someone will break my mouth).

But not all brave mouths online are chickens in the real world. They can actually be moderate when online, and you would not want to listen to them face to face. You may think you don't want to hear them because omg the insults, but actually, the cases I've known are people who have the bad habit of telling the (always painful) truth, without using a single insult. Which, like if magic, turns into lots of insults in the mind of the person who didn't want to hear the truth.

There's another point I disagree with: That because we are in SL, we are anonymous. We may be anonymous right as we sign up: nobody knows us yet. But as time goes by, many of us develop a certain level of attachment to the virtual identity we've created. Many of us let the real us slip in our avatar's life and actions, make connections with other people. Once you have friends and a (virtual?) life, you feel that any words directed toward your avatar are directed to you. The real you. When Auryn Beorn writes something, it's the woman behind who does it, and she does exactly as she did when she signed with her real name in other forums. When someone says that Auryn Beorn is an idiot, I, the woman behind, know that the kind term of appreciation is directed to me. I also know that idiot is a boring choice, and I am the one who gives power (or not) to the person that called me idiot, by showing my reaction (or lack of).

Think about it: If we were really anonymous, why would people care so much about what's been said about their avatars? Because we aren't that anonymous. Knowing you isn't a matter of knowing your real name, where you live and your blood type. Knowing you is a matter of knowing how you think, how you feel, how you react. And you lose all anonymity as you interact with other people and let your real self slip in.

I haven't extended all I wanted in this topic, but I'm not doing for now because I know I could be writing for days, and at this point, not even my mother would be reading me. So let's continue talking about what else I think I have learned in the personal.

Something else I think I have learned is that many people seem genuinely surprised about how people can play games, be manipulative, etc., in SL, like if that never happened in RL. And it makes me think, a lot, about my own life.

I have never seen a behaviour in SL that I hadn't seen before in RL. In fact, the people I've known in RL are a lot worse than what I see in SL.

In SL I've been backstabbed. In RL I've been so tenfold. In SL I can barely trust people. In RL I trust even less people. In SL I've been betrayed. In RL, the wound is open for almost a decade, and it feels like it will never stop bleeding. The cruelest people (to me) have been my RL family and almost all of those I believed to be my RL friends.

So I think I have learned that people online aren't that bad as they can be in the real world. In fact, while people are online, they aren't hurting someone next to them (ok, there may be exceptions). They are distracted. I often say, half in jest, half serious, that smart politicians sure love Twitter, because while people are complaining in Twitter, they aren't on the streets fighting for their rights.

I think I have also learned to say no, and stay firm about it. It's something that translated to my real world, and I'm quite glad of it.

I also think I've developed an even worse sense of humor, because I can now make puns in two languages (to the horror of those that know me in RL, and know English).

I think I've let grow an artistic side of me that was repressed, and this is doing me good.

And this time, without think, I have learned that I really type too much. So I'll be leaving this here, because I can think of many more things to say, but at this point, half of you are sure sleeping =)

Have a great day! :-)

OUTFIT CREDITS

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya
Mesh feet: Lara's feet, from Maitreya

Skin: Romy, Asia, from Glam Affair
Eyebrows: Romy Brow 01 E, from Glam Affair
Lipstick: Romy Lipstick Goddess 01, from Glam Affair
Eyes makeup: Romy Darkline 02, from Glam Affair
Freckles: Cassiopea Cosmetics, A (tn), from Glam Affair
Eyes: Phantom Eyes, Black Swan, from Dead Apples

Hair: Yunie (Garnet), from D!va
Headpiece: Isabella Headpiece, Black Gold, from Eudora 3D
Panties: Lycia, Black, from Baiastice
Necklace and earrings: Arabella Wild Pearls, from Maxi Gossamer
Corset: Anastasia corset (Night), from Junbug
Anklets and leg bands: Black regalia silks, from Angelwing
Wings: Titania Fairy Wings, from Deviance

Pose: Dark Fairy, set #3, Black Tulip (mine), coming for Oneword on March 1st

Reflections about reflecting

It's interesting how things change regarding to what is acceptable for you to say in public, depending on how known you are or what "position" you're in. This happens in that other world that we call "the real world" and it happens in SL as well. It seems that when nobody knows you, it's acceptable that you talk about your feelings and whatever goes on your mind, your life, or any other aspect that you choose to show. But when you're kind of a "public person" (whatever that means), then by no means you should dare to say in loud voice what you're thinking, what's going on in your life, what the reasons behind your decisions are.

Many things that are acceptable when you're unknown, turn into unprofessional once you are more known. I can understand this up to some point: you always have a responsibility over what you say, so the more people know and read you, the more careful you should be about what you say, specially if it involves others. Actually, you should be careful always, but specially, the more known you are.

I sure get the point about matters like not making false accusations, and I try my words to be accurate, specially when they refer to facts that border some unclear lines, staying on the safe side: innocent until proven guilty. (I know of at least one kind of human that prefers instead to continue accusing by implying of something so grave as copybotting, even after the kind of person was explained why the person she seems to dislike so much, isn't a copybotter.)

The example in parenthesis has been on purpose. If I publicly say who the kind of human is, that turns me into unprofessional, even if my claim holds true. Why? I bet that many would want to know who this person, making so grave and false accusations, is, so they could beware of her. But... Can I prove my words, even if they hold true? All that I have are logs. Do logs prove my words? Logs prove nothing, for they are easily manipulable. But then also, why would I want to publicly say? Nowadays it could also be read as a personal vendetta, and that's something unprofessional too.

The bottom line of all this is that nowadays I cannot publicly say... many things. The example was a little extreme but it illustrates the point. Whatever I say, is my version of the facts, and we should remember, always, that every happening has three versions: your version, the other side's version, and what it really happened. This holds true no matter who is talking to you.

But this, sadly, has led me to a point where basically every thing I could want to talk about here, turns me into an unprofessional person. I cannot talk about my feelings. Some may wonder why I'm putting them through reading my babbling and making them uncomfortable (although they could also choose not to read me.) I cannot talk about some thoughts. Some may feel offense (I don't know if about the thoughts themselves or about the fact that others think, specially, differently than them.)

I cannot even explain what's behind behind some decisions. I know that some were expecting my finally saying this. But I cannot even say about what decisions I'm talking about. The mere mention of the situation could and would be read like my wish of taking revenge. Even if I do not wish revenge, even though "the other side" quickly began to lie. I cannot, I should not, publicly defend myself. I cannot even mention or imply. The irony is that, after what happened, the mere mention or implication turns me into the unprofessional one.

One could wonder, why not I just talk to friends, if I feel that I need to sort some kind of conflict. Friends are great but they will always be biased towards you, no matter how good their intentions are, no matter how fair they try to be. And I don't want to be reinforced in believing that I've done the right thing, I want to know if I've actually done the right thing. There's a difference between "believing" and "knowing", and not a subtle one. The good of talking to people I don't know, is the fact that... they don't know me either. This means that they will likely be less biased towards me. (This of course refers only to people that play by fair rules in an intellectual exchange - then there are trolls, but such is life.)

But nowadays, I cannot publicly say or imply, seeking for other opinions, most likely different than mines, for it would be read as a wish of revenge and as such... unprofessional.

What's left, then?

Well, there are still things I can talk about, publicly. Just, not so many as I thought I could do.

You're expected to be honorable and always take the right decisions. Specially by those that say about themselves, they are honorable. And may God save you from the rage of the honorable ones if they catch you being a little less of honorable and perfect, a little more of an human being! Forget about forgiveness, forget about having a chance to find out if you were right or wrong. They don't play by the rules, but God helps you, if you don't.

Yes, sadly, I've learned very well since I'm in SL and specially in the last months, that there's a big, a huge difference, between saying that you're honorable and hold by the highest values, and actually being honorable at all. I've learned that the reason why one should not publicly define oneself, isn't that is more or less professional. It is the fact that the more honorable and forgiving you say you are, the more prone to lie, envy, destroy, be an hypocrite and never forgive what never happened anyway ... you are. It is not for you to say what you are: we are the worst judges of ourselves. We never want to think that we are bad persons, but given the fact that there are a lot of bad persons in this world, we have to admit that there it is always a chance, and not a small one, that we belong to that group. But the more we believe we are virtuous (again, that "believe" word), the bigger the chances for the opposite, are. To me, it makes sense. The more you believe you're good, the less open to be criticized you are.

But I digress... so that seems like a call to leave it here, for now. Soon, some cat stories. Perhaps that's something acceptable to talk about.

Abusers

You'll find them always behind a charming facade. They need to pretend they are something they're not, in order to trap you on their web.

They say you the sweetest things. They act like if they care about you. But there's always something strange, something unreal on their behaviour. Something that makes you distrust, be wary.

Then one day, the truth is discovered, and their real self arises. And their real self turns to be a monster: the nightmare begins.

It doesn't matter all your effort on listening and being listened. It doesn't matter anything you do, the chances you give. They all will be smashed, mocked on, laughed at.

You'll be insulted. Your judgement will be insulted. Your friends will be insulted. They'll try by all means making you feel insecure, dirty, worthless: They need you feeling insecure, dirty and worthless, they need that you depend on them so they can throw, furious, all their misery on you.

There are abusers in both lives. In both lives, they'll tell you that they're not a monster, they'll try always blaming you for their behaviour. They always try making you feel miserable, by promising a change that will never happen, and then saying that it's your fault if they've not changed, because you've not cared about them. In Secondlife, they will even be cheeky enough as for telling you that in their real lives, they're not like this.

They are.

Abusers can't hide they are abusers once the mask has fallen on the floor and revealed the monster that was behind.

So be strong. Don't listen at them. Push them as far as you can from your life, it's the only way you can "win". Never play on the playground for an abuser. It will be only your loss. Your time and your energies will be the only wasted ones.

Abusers never change.

As soon as you identify one... run away.

Unfortunately, I'm talking by experience here. And as expected, the abuser still has the nerve of blaming everybody because of his lies being discovered and his true colors being exposed again, with an increasing and never ending rage that shows, once more, that his sweet promises of change were the same lie that he is.

Abusers never change.

Repeat that all the times you need when you find one. And run away. Don't feel guilty: they won't feel bad about making you miserable, so you don't have to feel guilty for escaping from them. They never change. Never.

Halloween Costume

I've never celebrated parties, but this year, being here, joining a related event, has made me change my mind, look in my wardrobe for an old dark nun costume, and I've done the rest.

Yes, that's me resting on a broom with a builtin AO for keeping the static pose on all the time. Yes, I've done the pose. Yes, I've done the broom. Yes, I've done the AO. And, although the maps for the cute ghosts are acquired ones, I've arranged the circular set, made them rotate slowly around my head... Soon I'll create my own cape and jewelry.





The good of learning is that you grow, and depend less and less from others.

Burning Man 2010

So I entered in the desert, and found an incredible spectacle full of light and color, much more enjoyable at night.

At times, I had the feeling of being transported to my own town, when we have our own party here, also full of light and color. The streets get filled with lots of sculptures for being burnt the night of 19th, March, every year since I can remember, and more.




Light, sculptures and fires. Majestic shapes coloring a night that never ends, a night melting with the day created by the shininess of the glow emerging from the life that every piece conjured in this desertic place. Life from the desert, color from the nothing, highness staring at you, haughty, proud of their own intrinsic mysteries, just slightly revealed, to be guessed, by looking at them from the ground.







And who was telling me, when I arrived to the colorful fractal zone...



... that I'll find... these flowers?



I think that what I felt must be similar as what's experienced when you have a kid and see him grow, take what may learn from you... and transform it into his own identity.

I don't remember who said this, but how true is...

If you have an apple, and I have an apple, and we both exchange them, we still have each one, one apple. But if you have an idea, and I have an idea, and we both exchange them, now we both have two ideas.

And even more.

Neverending creativity. Neverending sharing. Neverending smiles on the process, talking directly to the other's minds, your heart pounding with the other's hearts, the only that we can see and feel from the others when the physical appearance vanishes under the standarization of beauty.

All these, is what I love from my Second Life.

What have I done...

First, tentacles.

Now, this.









It's dangerous letting me use a computer.

Be careful...

This may seem a class running on creating custom characters...





They seem quiet, paying attention to something in the screen...





As time passes, more and more tentacles are seen at the Builder's Brewery...



They're obviously planning something. If I were you, I'd be scared.

Glowing Fantasy Garden

I've done it again.

I didn't have enough preparing a (totally) beginners scripting course... I didn't have enough with the (advanced) series "One script... To rule them all"... Next week begins my new series, "Glowing Fantasy Garden", four chapters where we'll rediscover the "ancient art" of creating (gorgeous) prim flowers.

I remember perfectly that, when I joined SL, I wanted to build a tulip. I've finally done it. Plus some more flowers.

Welcome to my garden, which may also be yours :-)

(Finally) Opening the store

It took me half the day (including the time for some -long- interruptions), but I managed to completely rebuild the store. Maybe this happens only to me, but having a temporary build (which I didn't like too much) for the store was actually preventing me from creating more items. I felt the lack of a proper place as blocking. So yesterday in the afternoon I began taking measures, requesting megaprims, creating some sculpted parts, texturing, setting the doors and finally, I finished all the work.

I know. Now it's the turn of filling it with items. But at least, they have a decent place for being shown. Welcome to my store:

Black Tulip



Second floor is for friends. The third one will be used by animations and, possibly, scripts and building tools on my own. The photostudio will, hopefully, open soon.

At least, work soothes the pain from last weeks.

PS: Yes, I've changed the name. Shortened. I value criticism when it's constructive. Thanks.

Freedom: That poorly understood word

Although it's not the best book I've read, I can't deny that "The Neverending Story" is, by far, my favourite. I first read it when I was a teenager. I was captivated by such a wonderful story, plenty of meanings.

I've always seen it as a story about the true meaning of freedom. A story which shows us that we always have a reaction for each action, facing one to each other, either helping themselves to grow something, or for destroying one to each other.

When we look at ourselves in the mirror of our actions, we'll find that the reactions are looking us too, from inside. Depending on our choices, a beautiful or an ugly reflection for ourselves will stare at us.

Specially in this surreal world of SL, where we (supposedly) play our fantasies, I've listened the phrase "I'm a free spirit" as an excuse for some people for not accepting the consequences derived from their actions.

I don't accept that. You're completely free only when you understand about the consequences of your actions, and then, being informed and aware of the responsibility you must face after you act, choose an option. Any other than that is not being free, but a slave: slave of a whim, which is one of the most irrational and dangerous passions that might drive our behaviour.

If, by claiming that you're a free spirit, you really mean that you're not accepting the consequences of your actions, nor make yourself responsible of the pain you inflict, then you're not a free spirit: you're a whimsical selfish person.

Freedom always comes by knowledge and empathy. Never, ever, by ignorance and selfishness.

You can't be free if you don't know what you're doing. Where there's ignorance, there's always a great playground for being manipulated. Manipulators know pretty well how to take advantage of the ignorance and feed the ego expected from a selfish person, so they never realize that they're manipulated.

You'll know that you're free because, maybe your actions are restricted because of the consequences, but your conscience will be always clear, free, for living in peace with yourself, the only person you know for sure will be forever in your whole life: you.


That's why I chose my name, Auryn, for living in this surreal world. The AURYN had an inscription, "do what you wish". But the power of succumbing to your whims will mislead you, and make you finish in the lost emperors city, completely insane, with no memories as for being able of coming back to the real world.

Only those who understand the real meaning under the responsibility hidden behind the words "do what you wish", will be able to find the AURYN and bring back to their reality the water of life, usually found in happiness tears from those we've not harmed with our whims, but proven love with our facts.




(For more on the book, this article of Wikipedia pretty much nails the core: The Neverending Story. And now, excuse me all. I feel I want to read it again.)

Instructor!

I've been busy. In fact, too busy. Some weeks ago I received a notice from the Builder's Brewery group with an attached notecard: they were looking for new instructors. When I read the notecard, became somehow nervous. I could offer myself as instructor. In the end, I've been a teacher in RL since I'm fifteen... why not?

So I wrote an offering. I talked about my RL-experience, and also detailed six possible topics I could teach about. I also offered the choice for being, say, tested, since they didn't know me at all, what if I was lying about my experience? But they accepted and, in fact, I began sooner than expected.

Then, all the "OMG!" stress. I offered six topics, for being taught along three weeks (two per week, twice each class). I had nothing ready, but the ideas in my mind. I needed preparing the notes. I needed preparing the materials. First class was tuesday. It was saturday. Omg, omg...

There, the stress. Classes are tuesday, thursday and sunday. Notes and supplies needed to be ready by tuesday and thursday in my morning (sunday's class is a repeat). And I have the bad habit of wanting everything being perfect and completely under control. I don't like leaving things at random, specially, when I have some responsibility for them.

So the first three weeks I gave classes were full of stress. I was just finishing a class, and I already was in a rush: for preparing next one.

But, honestly, it's been also rewarding.

First, because now I have the feeling of being useful for the community. I know, it's no big deal. I'm not saving the world, but I'm trying to help others learn. That's what I've always done, that's what I've always wanted to do, that's what I feel I can be helpful with.

Second, because I'm usually shy and reserved, and this makes me recover contact with people. I'm not an hermit, but sometimes I look like one, because of my behaviour.

Third, because of people's acceptance. They like my classes. They find them useful, well documented and structured, with "small tips" for making life easier, and once they attend one, they usually attend my whole series. That's quite flattering, and also reminds me of my responsibility for doing a good job.

Some of them have pointed useful suggestions, and I'm polishing my classes taking them into account. I don't like making myself comfortable: if there are things that could be changed for better, then they must be changed.

In a way, I feel like if I found a home.

Come and visit the Builder's Brewery anytime. If you want to find me, I'll be there, SLT, tuesday 1AM, thursday 1AM and 1PM, sunday 1 PM. Check the schedule anyway: there are lots of interesting classes.

Evolution

I'm looking at the first pictures I took from Secondlife. I was so lame... As you can check here:


(Please, please, don't be so harsh, we all have been newbies once in a lifetime :-P )

Then I learnt a bit about controlling the camera, and this came:


Then, about different color setups:


And now, I'm right here: the photo retouching stage.


I hope to improve my skills even more. If someone told me about how much I'd love creating from Secondlife snapshots, I'd never believed them. But that's Secondlife: a continous surprise about yourself.