To be unique, original and special (Or not to be)

This post came as a consequence of wanting to participate in another of Berry's Monday challenges. Of course, I had to derail myself, but I promise that if you keep reading... I eventually get there!

I'm not sure if being original/unique has ever been a concern to me, or something I did brag about. (Asking to people that know me for long, they say they don't remember this.) I know I wanted to be special to some people when I was a little girl (my parents; who doesn't want to be special to their own parents?), but after my failure, even being special was something I was no longer interested into.

If you think about it just for a moment, the genetic variability alone implies that each one of us is, by definition, unique. Then why do we worry so much? You may tell me that's not true, we don't worry or, at least, you don't worry. Well, it's possible. But my observations make me think differently about it.

For example, as soon as someone says anything about what normal people do, many others around will start saying things like but who wants to be normal?, normal is overrated, normal is boring, I embrace my crazy, normal is for losers, what is normal, anyway?... You get the idea. I would be surprised if you've never heard/read anything like this.

It's my impression that some (many?) people fear to be labeled, as if that would make them lose their uniqueness. The problem I see is that by rushing yourself into screaming loud you're unique, you're original, normal is overrated, and so on... You're labeling yourself as someone who belongs to the set of people that say they're unique, original and normal is overrated. Which is quite of a huge set with so many people in it, and if you know that normal refers to average... Yes, the irony is that by screaming how unique, original, etc. you are, you're actually being quite normal.

Personally, I want to be what we understand as a normal person with a normal life. Family, dog(s), cats, weekends... all that. I don't fear normality. I'm not interested in being special nor in proving how original and unique I am. I don't fear not being recognized in a crowd. That can be an advantage more often than not.

I have no problem at all if you (generic you), on the other hand, want to be unique, special, original... However you call it. I would ask only for one tiny detail. If you claim to be original, unique... then, for kitties' sake, do not fall into contradictions and stereotypes. Do not be that predictable.

Yes, it's really facepalming reading one, several, or all of the following statements, when someone claims to be original, unique:

• Quotes from famous people. Particularly when the attribution is incorrect. (I'm sure that Albert Einstein would be surprised of all the things that people say, he said.) But this always makes me raise an eyebrow because if you're so original and unique, why don't you create your own quotes? Why do you have to use (or copy/paste, when on Internet) what others say?
• Speaking of quotes: Spreading motivational quotes is quite non-original, if you're concerned about being original. Also, have you ever thought about the implications of those, apparently, motivating quotes? I promise that some day, I have to dissect some of my favorite ones.
• I'm not your typical woman/man (My typical woman/man say that they're not typical.)
• Laugh about normality and say that crazy is all the rage and how you roll. Until someone suggests that you could be crazy. For real. Then you quickly claim you're normal, not sick. (Since we're talking averages, would you like to know how normal is to be sick?)
• No copy/no modify/no transfer (Like all the other people that also write that)
• I'm not your typical bitch (Extra points at the use of the word bitch; rant material for another moment)

It's a short list because I didn't want to spend a long time compiling all the things I've seen, but you get the idea. I admit that I may fall into one or several of the categories above, but I don't claim that I'm unique/original/special, nor that I'm over being normal, so I can indulge in the pleasures of normality and falling into stereotypes without contradicting myself :-)

I couldn't help thinking of all this as Lelutka's mesh heads were announced, and released. Many people said "yes, they're pretty, but what about my uniqueness? I don't want to look like a clone."

I have some thoughts about this. ("Is there anything you have no thoughts about?" Good point.)

I like my SL-face. I've mixed aspects of my RL face with aspects of one fantasy character from my childhood until I got my current face, which now stands for almost two years. I would love if there was a mesh head exactly like that: The time I would save smoothing edges when I take a close-up! (Or just so I don't feel bad for not smoothing them when I have no time.)

But I don't put my uniqueness, my identity, into my SL-face. In fact, I'm not afraid of looking like a clone. I like these mesh heads, and I use them. Not daily, but I use them. The ones I use nowadays are Lelutka's heads and the new Lilith from Genesis Lab, which shows in the ads for my new releases at World Goth Fair. Because I'm not attached to my SL-face when using a mesh head, I can play more with different skin tones, tones that at times do not sit well in my SL-face.

When I think about it, I really don't understand why that fear about looking like clones with mesh heads. Back in 2009, some Redgrave skins were all the rage, and all girls using those skins looked all the same. It was like that too, with some LAQ skins that were pretty common in 2009, 2010 and even 2011. And what about Curio skins? They were beautiful, but I was unable to distinguish the girls using them. Things are even worse with male skins. Those BadAzz ones? Yep, don't ask me to tell you what makes guys using them different one from the other.

My point with this is that many of our faces have been looking quite like others all the time. Why does the concern show now, with mesh heads?

Some mesh heads allow for appliers, and they can look quite different depending on the skin applier used. Makeup adds another layer of variety, and then there's your own style. The head is not the whole you. It should not be.

And now finally... On to Berry's Challenge (Told you I would eventually get here.)

Meme Instructions: Share your avatar's digits and/or answer the following questions about mesh bodies.

• Do you currently own a mesh body? If so, do you wear it all the time or just once in a while? If not, skip to the fourth question.
  
  Currently, I own several mesh bodies, but the only one I use since it came out is Maitreya. I use it for photos and when I'm at home alone/with Ansel. I try not to use it when I go to places, because it causes extra stress on the graphics cards of everybody around me. If the place is lonely and I want to take pictures, then I wear it.
  
  
• What is your preferred mesh body available on the market right now?
  
  No doubts here: Maitreya Lara
  
  
• Have you changed your shape since you started wearing the body?
  
  No. In fact, that's been what made me decide for Maitreya.
  
  I wanted the mesh body fitting to my sliders, so whether I'm wearing the mesh body or not, my shape is basically the same (particularly, the hip curve; the rest, I don't mind that much if it's a little different). Wowmeh was quite close to this, but it wasn't optimal and it was retired from the market anyway. Maitreya was the next one achieving this, fitting to my shape, and so I'm sticking to it.
  
  
• How do you feel about mesh bodies in general?
  
  I like them: They save time editing pictures and, of course, look better than the default SL avatar. I wish I could wear mine all the time, but I'm aware of the stress they cause on slow connections and machines, so I try not punishing others just because I want to look pretty no matter the cost, 24x7.
  
  
• What is one thing you would request from designers when it comes to mesh bodies?
  
  Stick to the UVs of the SL avatar so creators can use their textures without having to work special versions that will fit only one body. That's a mistake Belleza did with Venus, with their hands and feet having different UVs than the SL avatar has. The Omega system cannot convert textures, and creators are already too busy making appliers, as to having to also take on the work of creating a different set of textures for one particular body.
  
  We know that the UVs of the SL avatar are far from perfect, but mesh bodies could be designed to have different textures applied on left and right arms/feet, using the UVs of the SL avatar. There's no need to use your own and forcing creators to make work specifically for them. Knowing how quickly things happen in the fashion scene, there's no way that creators will seriously consider on all this extra work, for an item that won't be used anymore even before they've had time to complete that extra version.
  
  

OUTFIT CREDITS

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh head: Stella, from Lelutka

Skin: Stella Applier, Jamaica, from Glam Affair
Lipstick: Included in Stella Applier
Hair: booN AAN330, red, from booN hair (boo Nakamura)

Dress: Gloriosa, white gold, from -just a girl- (Clarrellae Resident)
Tiara: Eldar Tiara Gold, from Le Forme (Louise Marsault)

Necklace: Aeranae's Embrace Necklace, from Empyrean Forge (EmpyreanForge Resident)
Head adornment: Aeranae's Embrace Adornment, from Empyrean Forge (EmpyreanForge Resident)
(Thanks, Kinn, for telling me about those!)

Pose: Dark Fairy #13, Black Tulip (mine)

Windlight: Phototools- No Light

Mean comments? My take on the topic

If you have read last week's challenge from Strawberry Singh and you know me, you know I'm going to participate. It's about mean comments over the Internet, and it's a long post. So if you tl;dr easily, you may want to skip it. (I'm almost two weeks writing this, reviewing, rewriting...)

I'm aware that I may have a different, and likely, unpopular opinion, about mean comments over the Internet, and how to react to them (at least in some aspects). Mostly because I'm going to tell you, you may be part of the problem, and you will refuse to listen to my arguments, to look into yourself and think if perhaps you're being used by others. (Yes, I know. You're too smart, you would know if others use you. Heard that before, got the t-shirt.) I'm aware that may make you go on assuming things about my life, feelings, perceived privileges...

I'm aware that you may conclude what a heartless monster and let's boycott this bitch's store. So before things escalate, I'm going to tell you just one word, as politely as I can: Whatever. You don't know my life, you don't know my circumstances. You only know what I choose to show.

This may be one of my favorite topics, because it shows clearly that in what comes to the human nature, nothing is black or white, you can never tell for sure what someone else is thinking, unless you're that someone else. There are many nuances, many things to take into account. There are villains portraying themselves as victims, while victims are portrayed as villains. To make things more difficult, there are true victims, and true villains, so knowing for real who is who, is more complicated than it seems.

There are many cliches repeated like mantras, showing only the surface of complex problems, the way some people want us to see those problems. Some people seem to believe that just saying they're against bullies that automatically makes them sympathetic and gives them moral authority to judge and condemn others (turning them into... yes, bullies). Some people are fooled into believing they get the problem, and do more in helping bullies than in helping real victims.

This said, let's go for the Meme instructions: Answer the following questions either on your own blog, in the comments of this post or on any social platform.

1. Have you ever been subjected to mean comments online by strangers? If not, then skip to question #5.
   
   I wonder who hasn't. When you make something public, it's out for public criticism. Some people will agree with you and let you know. If you're famous enough, you will always have some people kissing your ass. Others may disagree with all you say, or just part of what you say, and let you know. Some people have little to none social skills, and in trying to give honest commentary, they're mistaken by cruel people, or stupid people. And then, there may answer those that are commonly known as trolls: People who add nothing to the conversation, but try to provoke emotional reactions on others.
   
   Since the word troll has lost its meaning, to the point that nowadays some people will call you troll, and even, bully, by merely disagreeing with them, I want to clarify what is a mean comment in my book and what is not. And that alone poses a problem. What are we talking about with mean comments, when different people understand different things? Which is the universally accepted definition of a mean comment? There isn't one, and I'm afraid I'll prove it, by defining the concepts as I've learned to understand them. I'm not sure that many people will agree with me in all of them, yet nobody can take from me, what I understand as a mean comment. Nobody can tell me that's not a mean comment because it is, to me.
   
   A mean comment is not:
   
   • Disagreement.
   • Disagreement with sarcasm/snark/cynicism.
   • "I fucked your mother" comments. I mean. Seriously? That's the best you can offer as a comment? Do you expect from me any other than laughing at your immaturity?
   • Calling you out on something stupid you said.
   • Destructive criticism.
     
     I don't agree with if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all. The reason is because of the perception of what is nice. It varies from person to person. For some people, constructive criticism is seen as destructive, and they tell you if you have nothing nice to say... So what? You ask for an opinion, I give you valid constructive criticism, and you dismiss it because you didn't want to hear anything else than oh this is so cool and perfect, I need it in my life? If you can't take constructive criticism, then don't ask for opinions.
     
     Still, destructive criticism exists. Why do I say that I do not consider it to be a mean comment? Because you can try to see what could be useful from that criticism, ignoring the manners, ignoring the intention. (And careful. Intention is one of the hardest things to prove.) If there's absolutely nothing you can take from that criticism, shrug it off. If there's something useful, by all means, take it! In case the person had as intention to put you down with their destructive criticism, you will be the one pissing off that person. (Intention is hard to prove; most of the times you can't but suppose, but often you cannot prove.)
     
   • Humor. Jokes. Come on, people, brighten up. This is the Internet. It means that you're interacting with people from all the world. There are places where humor is not so bad seen, and jokes are not taken as an offense. Think that what you feel mean as fuck could be a bad translation, a joke that is normal in another place, something that sounded funnier in the mind of who wrote it... Before taking offense, ask! (I'm not going to be the one drawing the line acceptable jokes versus non acceptable ones. If I have time in the future, I will develop on why.)
   
   A mean comment is:
   
   • Sexist/Racist/Homophobic/Hate-Religion (or hate the lack of)/You-name-it comments, trying to invalidate you as a person and your opinion because of gender/skin tone/sexual preferences/religion (or lack thereof)/etc., as if that had anything to do with the truth value of the opinion itself. Even if you're a smoker, you can say that smoking isn't healthy, advice others not to, and your opinion should be heard and discussed, regardless of your own life.
   • The kind of comments I've listed before aren't but particular examples of a more general kind of logical fallacy, which is pretty common: Ad hominem. As someone who tries to be rational, I consider this to be dishonest behaviour, whether in comments or in an argument, and dishonesty is pretty rude in my book, hence I consider logical fallacies to be pretty mean. Whoops.
   • Abuse threats: This goes from emotional blackmail to physical and death treats. Yes, this implies that I consider to be pretty mean all those comments coming from that people who play the role of a victim, because they're not arguing, or just commenting. Answers from people that cannot take a comment if it's not to praise them, and try that you feel guilty about what you said and take back the words that hurt their feelings, even if reasonable and accurate. Since I don't insult nor say things with the intention of hurting, I do not accept this blackmail, and I consider it to be pretty mean.
     
     This is actually a problem. While mean comments can reach to quite vile and vicious levels (and I do no support that), also, some people will not tolerate absolutely anything other than praise, and will try to make any non-praising comment look like bullying, making the bully concept to lose all its sense, to the point that a bully is simply someone they don't like, each time that said "bully" opens their mouth.
     
     I do not support this either. It's two sides of the same coin: Mean people saying mean things, regardless of the tone of the comments. Also, it does no favor to real victims of actual bullies. It's hard to believe a real victim when there are so many other voices pretending to be one. It's a shame.
     
     Fake victims can feel so proud of themselves! </sarcasm>
     
     That is one reason why I insist in giving clear definitions. With a clear, universal definition of what is a mean comment, it is easier to realize when someone is being mean, or not, than when the definition is subjective. When the definition is so subjective, that every person has one, the field is open for fake victims to bend the meaning of words and scream loud, and so leave the real victims unattended.
     
     I strongly feel that we should stand against that: against fake victims, for the ones losing here are the real victims.
     
   • The use of words that refer to mental sicknesses as a weapon to throw against others. Saying things like you're a psycho, you're borderline, you need to calm down for you sound neurotic? Not cool. Are you a psychiatrist by chance? I bet you aren't.
   • Someone using a fact from your life, to wallow in your pain and rub it on your face.
   • Someone that doesn't know you, hasn't lived your life, yet they start telling you how to live yours. Yep, that's pretty mean.
   • Someone that acts all saintly, holier-than-thou, giving morality lessons to everybody else, deciding who's rude and who's not, carrying forks and torches if needed. Yes, that is quite mean.
   
   I'm probably leaving things out of both lists, but after reading all those points, it may be clear what I consider to be a mean comment (and what I do not).
   
   In the gray area:
   
   
   • "Go kill yourself" comments. While I will laugh if someone tells me that, I understand there's a risk if that kind of message reaches to someone with suicidal thoughts. We may not like everybody, but wishing them harm, and worse, saying it publicly, is crossing a line.
   
   See, things are not that easy. Is an insult, mean? It depends. Is it used as a weapon to invalidate your opinion and your right to express it? Then yes, it's pretty mean. Is it an "I fucked your mother" kind of empty insult? Then no, I don't consider it mean, because it is a childish response with no purpose.
   
   Are mean the people who don't like what they read, even if true, when they tell you to apologize? Yes. Those are mean comments too. Why should you apologize for telling the truth? Why should you apologize for expressing your views without the intention of hurting anyone? That is emotional blackmail, and I do not accept it. It makes no favor to any of us, when we fall under the tyranny of those that pretend to be victims. Particularly, it makes no favor at all to the real victims of real bullying.
   
   A mean comment may hurt, but there's a lot in how you take it. Remember that offense is always taken! If you ignore the mean comment, the attacker will eventually give up. Not in five minutes: I've known attackers that went on and on for years, each time less. But they eventually gave up. Normally, they don't last that much. But if they see that you're easily worked up after a mean comment, you've made yourself an easy target.
   
   Am I justifying them? Not at all. I don't support what they do, period. I'm telling you that you can fight them, that you have means to show them you're no target. You can show your disdain in the form of deafening silence.
   
   Having clarified this, now let's move on to the next question.
   
   
2. How did you respond to them?
   
   The way I've responded has evolved with the years. The first online mean comments I ever received were back in 2004. They were perfect examples of Ad hominem attacks. Before I started publishing online what made me receive those attacks, I had read a lot about logical argumentation, and the attacks were no surprise at all, given the topic I used to write about.
   
   I responded trying to argue how my appearance, marital status and other things were unrelated at all with the discussion. I realized that it really didn't matter what I said, that I shouldn't try to defend myself against people that aren't listening. So, time after, I managed to completely ignore all insults and attacks, and focus in the conversation. That brought me a lot of fun, because that people would insist and insist in insulting me, and I would reply saying things like "yes, I get it, you're concerned about my well being, but back to topic...", and I did dissect all the issues and blatant lies in their answers that were relevant to the topic being discussed.
   
   It was fun, because they were trying to piss me off, and they were the ones that ended up being completely mad at me.
   
   Later, I would not even mention that bit about their concern about my well being. Their attacks were simply not mentioned in my answers, which focused strictly in the logic flaws and the lies they tried to cover.
   
   I don't think I can remember of any mean comment I've received since I'm in SL, exception made of logical fallacies. If I feel like arguing on the Internet, which lately is rare, then I do as I did in the past: focus in what they say, point out the logical fallacies. Most of the times, I just roll my eyes, thinking "if you think you're being original and witty, you're not; I've seen that childish way of arguing hundreds of times before you".
   
   (Note after the n-th review, for n being I lost count: I remembered mean comments since I am in SL. I talk about them in question #4.)
   
   
3. How did they make you feel?
   
   That has also changed with the years. At first, some of those comments annoyed me. It was indeed annoying, having people insult you on a daily basis, burying your reasoning under a pile of insults. But I guess I got used to that empty noise, and they started to amuse me. At times, I would answer predicting what they would say next, and they did respond exactly that! I think that many of them never realized of how I was laughing behind my screen.
   
   They key, to me, was saying loud voice my favorite phrase from my favorite movie, Labyrinth: You have no power over me. Once you realize that, words from strangers can't hurt you.
   
   
4. Can you share some of the mean comments you've received and your thoughts on them?
   
   I've received threats of many colors. There's always a real risk that someone would act on their threats, but most of the time they were cowards, and I didn't give them importance. I would like to add, though, that online threats should be filed in a serious manner. Many of those threats come from cowards that wouldn't stand your eyes looking at them straight, but if those threats were filed together with an identification, perhaps they would think twice before opening their mouths. I may not take many threats seriously, but that doesn't mean everybody reacts the same. I'm sure that many people feel in distress after threats, and their lives shouldn't be affected because one idiot (yes, idiot) goes brave online and tells you horrible things they would do to you, if they were in front of you.
   
   Of course, I've received many mean and nasty comments because of being a woman, because of my life choices, because of my appearance, because the people I talk to, because of what I studied, because of what I didn't study, because of what I believe into, because of what I don't believe into, because what they believe I think about this, this and this other topic... You tell me one nasty comment, I've probably read one like that, directed to me.
   
   Probably, the nastiest comment I received was after I talked about the death of my cat, many years ago. One guy implied that I had played my victim role very well, but that the truth is that I had killed my cat, and so people around me should fear me and stay away from me. And some people responded supporting that! Welp. When I found out who did that anonymous comment, and confronted him face to face (yes, in the physical world), he couldn't look at me in the eyes and went on an "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" coward apology that I didn't believe nor accepted.
   
   Oh, here's another one... Again, as a result of the activities I used to perform after work, before joining SL, there was someone who created a blog to, he said, parody what we were doing. One would believe the parody excuse if it wasn't because they guy went far into ridiculing us by creating a straw man that was easy to beat, but nothing at all to do with us (yep, a fallacy), and using some of the most cruel insults I've ever read, particularly those directed to me and another friend who was close at the time.
   
   The comments went around our physical appearance (of course, because the way you dress is always relevant to your arguments), a long list mental issues that we were, supposedly, suffering, and as a result that invalidated our arguments (seriously?), implying that there could be more than a close friendship (both of us were in a relationship, so obviously those comments were to hurt our partners, but our partners also knew better), implying so many false things... That website was about everything, but the truth.
   
   We decided not to mention the existence of that site, not to mention that we read it, never comment on it, and the website eventually died.
   
   Interestingly, since I am in SL, I have received no more of those comments in things I post online. I kind of miss them.
   
   Actually... I have received mean comments in SL, and only in the 20th review of this post or so, I remembered. I suppose that because the situations were so childish, when seen from my side, that I didn't think of them (Believe me or not, I'm writing and re-writing this post now for more than a week.)
   
   In one of those situations, I've been called a troll and a bully, because I publicly said that I don't support adults who have underage RL people in their adult sims, no matter the reasons, and that the minor should be living life, not having sex with adults in SL (which the minor had been doing until caught in the lie about their age). I find hilarious to have been accused of being a troll and a bully to the teen, particularly when I never talked to her, and it proves that we have to be careful whenever we hear those accusations, because some people will say anything just to have things their way, even if those things are lies and could damage others' reputation.
   
   I've also been called pro-rape because of being friendly to the wrong people, not even bothering in asking me about my stance, and because of that, I've even seen attempts to passive-aggressively boycott my store. Again... Welp.
   
   I've also received mean comments from a few selected customers, in IM, after they demanded in quite bad manners my immediate help, no matter the time of the day to me and not wanting to check out all the online help I provide that could help them before contacting me. Liar, scammer, retarded, thief, moron, "I am not going to read your shit"... Welp.
   
   I suppose that the meanest comments in SL happen behind me, but since I don't know about them, they do not exist in my world. If I knew about them... Well, re-read all I said above to get an idea.
   
   
5. Have you ever ridiculed or negatively commented on someone else's work, actions or personality with the intention to hurt them?
   
   I have not, and this, "with the intention to hurt them", is the core.
   
   I rarely, if ever, want to hurt others. No, don't think you are one of the exceptions, because if I ever want to hurt you, hear me, you have done a lot of harm to me before, and you have to be really close to me, to do that kind of harm to me. If you only know me through Internet, unless you're my partner, you cannot hurt me like that. So, no, you're not that special snowflake. I do not want to hurt you.
   
   The problem is, others assume my intentions. The way I talk is quite direct, as I think this post has already established. I admit it may sound harsh to some people. It sounds strong to other people. If you make me a question, I'm going to answer that question. If you don't want to hear the answer, then don't do the question. If you make me a question, and you don't like the answer, the reasons are anything, except my wanting to hurt you. This applies to anything you make public, be it a question or your feelings. Make sure you really want to hear all the replies. Because some people will tell you what they really think without any intention of hurting you, and you may take their reply the wrong way, particularly if you're used to be (falsely or not) praised and have others kissing your ass, escalating into a drama fest.
   
   I never reply with the intention to hurt others. Period. Whoever thinks the contrary, just has me wrong. But getting to know me takes too much effort. It's easier to assume that I want to hurt them. Like I said at the beginning of this post... Whatever.
   
   

There's one more thing I would like to comment about Strawberry's post, which I feel is important. In her post, she also talks about a speech given by Monica Lewinsky. Berry says:

I know what some of you may be thinking. It's Monica Lewinsky, she's someone who fooled around with a married man. Why should we be listening to her?

Then she says:

She was in her early twenties at that time and it was in 1998 where she was publicly shamed all over the world for what she did. I recall hearing and reading about the whole ordeal back then. I was only 18 at that time and doing many foolish things myself and at the age of 34 today, I still continue to do foolish things. So regardless of how I feel about her and what she did, I try not to place too much judgement.

What was Monica's terrible crime? Did she kill someone, maybe enjoyed it? Did she torture people, animals? I think, nothing of that. Yet a lot people, probably you and you that are reading me right now, tagged her as a whore, as someone who didn't mind to (try to) break a marriage, as many other awful things. Maybe you never said it, but in thinking that, there's the root of some mean comments, and being anonymous might open the door to be cruel to others. Only Monica knows what she was thinking of at the moment, and none of us has the right to judge her, even if she was with a married man. Every marriage is a world, and none of us should judge any other than our own relationship. Monica Lewinsky has all the right to be listened, as any other human being. So if you complain about mean comments over Internet, I want you to step forward and tell me, looking at me in the eye, that you never thought, Monica Lewinsky was a whore, the mistress and so on. (If you were born after that happened, you don't count, I'll think of another example :-P )

I am also going to point out to the hypocrisy of the situation:

Was Monica alone in what she did?

I've caught you. (Generic you.)

Let's finish with a puppy from the Sparkys art exhibit, because puppies always make me smile, and I hope they make you smile, too.

A puppy a day, keeps the mean comments, from your mind, away. (I'm practicing my Yoda skills.)

Have a great day :-)

What are you thinking right now?

For someone who has trouble to put her mind at rest, it's interesting how as soon as someone tells me say what you're thinking right now, my brain stops all activity except the essential to keep me breathing, my heart pumping blood, and all the basic commands to stay in the same position and not fall on the floor. Suddenly, there's silence in my thoughts, and if you would talk into one of my ears, the sound would travel in straight line and go away through the other ear, unchanged. You could even hear the echo inside my skull.

That's how I felt after reading this week's challenge from Strawberry Singh. There's a series of sentence-beginning words, and you have to complete them by writing down the first thing that pops in your head. And that's quite difficult to me. Just by stating that, "the first thing that pops in your head", I'm already blocked. Why? I suppose that because I fear I will say nonsense. Writing gives me a chance to first think what I'm going to say and how. This is more like talking, and talking I am quick to screw things up.

Also, some of those sentence-beginning words refer to how I am, and if you're reading me for a while, you know that I always say, I am the least objective person in the world when it comes to define myself (as it happens to anybody else, with themselves.) So what if I say that I am kind. Does that really mean that I am kind? No. It means that my perception of myself is such of kindness, but that doesn't mean I'm kind. People around me could be more accurate, although the closer to me, the less accurate, I would guess. (My reasoning behind the latter is that the closer to me/someone, the more biased towards me/someone.)

Still, I'm giving this a go, hoping I won't stay blocked for long.

Meme Instructions: Copy and paste the following statements in your post and complete them writing down the first thing that pops into your head. Don't forget to link your post in the comments.

I am... just a person.
I want... for the pain to go away.
I have... a story to tell.
I wish... that story never happened.
I hate... I've never done. For a long time, I thought anger was hate.
I fear... what hate can make to happen.
I search... for peace in my mind.
I wonder... if she will ever get what she deserves, although I know she will not.
I regret... having allowed her to know me.
I never... pronounce her name.
I always... want to learn more; about my job, about people.
I usually... smile, to hide what's happening under the surface.
I dance... no more.
I sing... no more.
I often... don't say what I feel.
I sometimes... remember her happy smile at that funeral.
I cry... at the memories.
I need... something that erases them, for I know there will never be justice.
I should... complete this and get back to work.
I love... and they know.

Thinking right now, in Flickr

OUTFIT CREDITS

Mesh body: Coco Doll (Bandage & Cut), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh hands: Coco Doll, Hands (1), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh ears: Coco Doll, Ears (Human), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh head: Coco Doll, Head 002A, from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)
Mesh eyes: Coco Doll, Eyes 002 (Blue), from Coco (Cocoro Lemon)

Hair: Felicity, Reds, from Truth
Corset: Orianna Lace Dress, Black (Coco Doll Size), from Zenith
Headpiece: Dahlia hat, black, from Baiastice
Necklace: Misha Dark Fairy, Chocker, from Maxi Gossamer
Spider: Spider face, from DRD (Death Row Designs)
Wings: Eternity Wings, Carnal, from Remarkable Oblivion

Poses: Dreams of Steel #4 - Mirror, Dreams of Steel set, Black Tulip (mine)

WL Water: Phototools - Chandra sea
WL Sky: [TOR] SCIFI - Orange balm

(Yes. I repeat outfits. I told you I'm not exactly a fashion blogger, but rather, someone who likes to dress up for the stories and pictures.)

Perception of Second Life

I've been postponing this one until I could find a moment to ramble without frontiers. So... Yes. Another challenge: What is your perception of Second Life? Why am I making it this time? The answer is in the answers.

Meme instructions: Make a one minute video at your favorite Second Life location and/or answer the following questions and share what your perception is of Second Life. If you do a video, upload it to youtube or flickr. If you upload it to flickr, please add it to the Blog Memes Flickr Group and don’t forget to leave a link to your post in the comments.

I don't have tools to record video, nor my computer would allow for creating a decent one, so instead, I will answer the questions. (Surprised?)

1. What is your perception of Second Life?
   Despite almost all of my online time is devoted to working, I see Second Life as a safe place where I can play my fantasy without any real (physical) damage. I can switch appearances to take pictures without the risks of plastic surgery. I can teleport without having to worry about where I'll park the car, or if the metro will be too crowded, and explore a slice of others' minds and their fantasies. It's my private window, to observe behaviour.
   
   
2. Do you feel the portrayal or reputation Second Life seems to have in the mainstream media is justified?
   
   This is the question why I wanted to make the challenge.
   
   I feel this is an unfair question. I would ask this question instead: Why a virtual world where adult activities can be performed, such as sex, deserves any kind of bad reputation?
   
   Please correct me if I'm wrong, but sex is part, and an important one, of our real lives. Shaming sex activities in a virtual world isn't but the reflection of the mindset that sex in the real world is also a dirty thing that should only happen in complete darkness, closed blinds, between two heterosexual people and strictly to create new babies.
   
   /me rolls eyes
   
   Some people are fighting hard to explain that sex isn't something dirty, and not something to practice necessarily to create babies. Even more: sex can happen among more than just two people, and also with people of the same gender. In fact, when it happens among consenting partners, it's a wonderful experience. It can be done purely for pleasure, or to show affection. It can be done alone, whether it is for relief, looking for that pleasure, wanting to fantasize...
   
   IMAGE: Perception of Second Life, in Flickr
   
   The thing is, sex exists, people have sex, and shaming a virtual world that replicates in so many other aspects the real one, because there's sex in it, isn't but a sign of a sick society that is ashamed of the nature of its individuals: humans. Guess what? Those humans have sex. Grow up and get used to it, because sex is more pleasurable and safe when there's no guilt to enjoy it (among consenting partners). I think it's crazy that some people need to hide just because they're humans and want sex.
   
   It's true that there are many amazing places that aren't related with adult activities (euphemism for sex), and they are worth visiting. They really are. (I'm a fan of art exhibits and nature places, for example). But I think we do no favor to virtual worlds, and to the real world, if in defending those amazing places to visit, we imply in any way that we're ashamed about the existence of sex places in the virtual world.
   
   Journalists with no involvement in Second Life will continue to do a poor job and point at the sex places as if they were the only places to go, and of course, the devil, because society is an hypocritical beast that shames and condemns sex, while at the same time, sells it. It's our task to show them the beauty of the virtual world and the beauty of sex.
   
   There's more in Second Life than sex places. But there it is sex, too. And that is good.
   
   
3. Do you talk about your Second Life with your real life friends and family?
   Yes, I do. My parents know that I am in Second Life. So my brother does. The important people in my real life know that I am in Second Life, and other not so important people know, too. My parents and brother, as well as the important people, are aware of my activities. They know I taught for some years, they know about the store. They know I've created some adult items, and they know I will create more. They know about my pictures and the stories.
   
   The only aspect of my Second Life that my parents don't know is my partner (but my brother, and the important people in my life, know, too). Why, you ask, if you're so open. Being open doesn't mean that I owe explanations about my life to anyone. It means that if you earn my trust, then it will be easy for me to tell you things. But my parents never earned my trust, and, among others, my love life is not something to discuss with them.
   
   Some of my friends don't understand what's so appealing from Second Life. I ask them the same question, about those of their hobbies that I don't share with them, to make a point. When they tell me but this is different I ask them different how? So far, I have not an answer that would resist further questioning. Many forms of entertainment are virtual: the only that remains is the memory of what happened. So what makes watching movies at the cinema, and playing your own fantasy, different? At the end, in both cases, you remain with nothing physical in your hands, but new memories in your mind.
   
   Just two weeks ago, I was explaining to a friend about the poses I create, and what they're used for. Then he asked me what's the point of taking photos in Second Life. I just answered him with a couple of questions, What's the purpose of taking photos in the real world? What's the purpose of all that people creating art and sharing it in Deviant Art? He couldn't reply that without admitting, he was being prejudiced against taking photographs of a virtual place. And so he didn't reply.
   
   Some other people I know do understand what's so appealing, and encouraged me to never leave, if it helps me keep my imagination alive.
   
   I've brought some people with me to Second Life. Some stayed, others, no. But thanks to my not feeling that I need to hide what I do, I could bring more people in. Yes, in Second Life, when time permits, I escape from the real world. And I am not ashamed of what I do. If someone in my life doesn't like it, they better cover their eyes and ears, because I am not going to hide what I like, same way as they don't hide what they like.
   
   
4. What is your most favorite thing to do in Second Life?
   It's hard for me to reply any question of the form what is your favorite [something]? Normally I don't have a favorite, but a range of most preferred choices. In this case, work aside (yes, I like my work here), my preferred things in Second Life would be: be with my partner, write stories with the help of the pictures I take, exploring places, drop skyboxes and other builds at my platform, for pictures (like the cemetery, the asylum)... There are so many entertaining things you can do here!
   

That's it for now. Have a great day :-)

OUTFIT CREDITS

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya
Mesh feet: Lara's feet, from Maitreya

Skin: Lulu 02 C, Jamaica, from Glam Affair

Hair: Teddy, Reds 02, from Truth
Panties: Lycia Lingerie, Ghost, from Baiastice
Stockings: From the Little Miss Patty: ST. Patrick Days Special set, from Blacklace (Omega applier)

Poses: Sit on ankles #4 - Mirror, Black Tulip (mine)

Furniture: Dutchie
House: Autumn Cottage, from Trompe Loeil

First, and recent, or my, how time goes by!

This week, Strawberry Singh presents two challenges in one. It's because of the second one that I decided to also do the first one.

Meme instructions: Share a side by side comparison of your first blog picture beside a recent picture of your avatar. Don't forget to share the link to your image in the comments and add your pictures to the Blog Memes flickr group.

First, let's state the obvious: I can't believe that next month, I will be six years in Second Life. Time goes by and all that. When I started in SL, I really sucked at using the camera, and I mean it. It took me months until I learned how to take pictures of my face, more or less at the angle I wanted it. That means, I have many pictures where I can see my back, many pictures of landscapes, many pictures from my profile, in odd positions, and finally, about July 2009, I learned (sort of) to use the camera, and started taking selfies (I don't think that the term existed back then?)

So, to the left, how I looked like when I was just a few months in SL. I was using a Redgrave skin, and I think that just a month after I decided I would be redhead in SL. Which lasts until this day. I didn't know how to use the camera, but I did know very well that I disliked almost all the freebie skins, so my skin was something I changed quite early in the days. To the right, my current me. I'm still using the eyes I bought from Redgrave, back in 2009 too. I haven't updated my eyes for daily use because the exact color, the iris size, the shine position... Define more of my face than I expected. I've tried other eyes, closer tones... but the differences were quite noticeable to me. It was like seeing an uncanny valley version of myself. I've never felt comfortable in other eyes, for daily use, so I'm sticking to my 2009 eyes. I wear other eyes for example when I use pale skins... But those are just for the purpose of the photo. My me is still using those pixelated 2009 eyes.

Now, let's go for the interesting part (well, at least, for me... because, you know, I like writing.)

What would I say to my teenage self? That's an interesting question. I've often said "I am glad I've grown up, because I would not want to go through my teenage years again". I've also often said "how I wish I had known all this". Let's see what I can tell to myself.

#DearMe, if you think you've suffered in this life, be quick in growing a thick skin, because things are going to get interesting. I know you've heard to your mother say, all days, for a long time now, that you're a monster. I know that she treats you like one. I know she provokes your father against you. I know all the other things. You have to learn that she's not talking to you when she says and does all those horrible things. She is talking to the reflection she sees of herself on the mirror. You will see this happening a lot. Many people you will meet, will project all their misery on to you. They will try to make you believe that it is you the one that is wrong. They will try to make you feel responsible of their miserable lives, of their failure as decent human beings. But you're strong enough to leave all that people behind you. Learn to run away from toxic people. That includes your parents, if needed. Nobody is so sacred as to have you live a miserable life. Nobody.

#DearMe, I also know you've already learned about betrayal, about fake friends and lies. Do not forget those lessons, because it's easy to give in when you feel comfortable with some people, and it is then when the knife hurts the most: When they have your trust. Do not fight anybody else's battles. Learn to fight your own fights, and say no, firmly, when you're unsure about doing something. People will learn to respect you if you're firm on your boundaries.

#DearMe, I know you miss having had an actual mother, not just someone who gave birth to you and made your life miserable. But no matter how weak you may feel, do not let any other woman to replace in your life what your mother never was. Just, don't. If there's only one thing you are going to listen from all the things I'm saying, let that thing be this one. Do not let any other woman to be a substitute of your mother. Never. I don't want you to know the pain, when she will stab you directly on your heart.

And last but not least, #DearMe, stay in shape, because I know you prefer finding solutions rather than stirring conflict, but still, some people do not want solutions. Some people want violence and blood. In those cases, you need that your body is able to run the hell out of the place where you are.

I could tell my teen self more things. But she will have to learn on her own, and make her own way in life, just like I did. The things I've written above are the ones I truly wish, I had known in time.

Second Life made me learn...

Another week, another Monday challenge from Strawberry Singh (which of course I complete late)... and again, one that tickles my interest. Because it makes you look back and reflect. This week's challenge says:

Meme instructions: Share things that you have learned because of your involvement in Second Life, either personally or professionally. Don't forget to leave a link to your post in the comments so others can come by and read your answers as well!

I think that it's interesting, to begin with, to read Strawberry's answers. They can give you ideas of things you wouldn't have considered as "I have learned this because of what I do in Second Life". Those are her experiences, and I find interesting the conclusions. She first mentions learning Photoshop and Wordpress, which are technical things, and in my experience, quite useful if you work in an office. Learning tools is always good, and it makes easier to learn other tools in the future.

What technical knowledge that I didn't have before have I acquired, because of my SL experience?

There are two major programs here: GIMP and Blender.

It's true that I know GIMP since long time ago (I know someone that was a GIMP developer at the time, and he introduced it to me), but I never went past cropping images. Nowadays I understand better what I'm doing, and how to achieve what I want to do.

Thanks to having started learning Blender, I started learning something that I wanted since almost twenty years ago: 3D modelling and animation. Of course, I'm not saying I'm an expert here (in fact, being an expert is quite far from the truth), but thanks to my work in SL, I've started learning the foundation of something I've been wanting to do since more than half my life.

I have also learned some rudiments of Audacity and working with sound clips. Makehuman, for human models. Filter Forge, to help me in creating textures. QAvimator, which was the first animation software that I used for SL.

I cannot list Blogger, Wordpress or similar here, because I've been a web developer for some years. But that is okay. The important is that while I've been in SL, I've continued to acquire technical knowledge. It has done good to me in that aspect.

I cannot forget this: I have learned English. Sure, I learned English at school and then high school, but I never got a real chance of putting it to practice. To me, that wasn't learning but "learning". I got the chance of really learning English in SL. Since then, I feel I can communicate better, and I even dared teaching in voice, in SL. If life required from me that I move to a country where people speak English, I have good chances to survive. (As long as I don't crack jokes.)

After talking about the technical knowledge she's acquired because of what she does in SL, she explains something even more interesting: What she's learned in the personal.

She mentions (and explains) budgeting and curbing my shopaholicism, customer service and growing a thicker skin. I'm listing them because I want to come back to the last one. First, let's see... What have I learned in the personal?

I think that I'm more diplomatic than I was when I'm behind a screen (Face to face, it seems that I continue to be the woman that will have her face broken some day, in some situations). I think I've learned to be more patient when dealing with others (although not always).

There's one good thing, to me, about treating people behind a screen. It gives me time to read and re-read the exact words that the other person said, no what I remember they said. It gives me time to bite my tongue (although not always I achieve this). It gives me time to think about what to answer. It gives me the chance to rewrite as needed, until I'm sure I will say what I mean, before I hit the Enter key. This, of course, helps a lot with customer service. I have no CSR, so I deal with it myself. I understand that customers, at times, contact you in a situation of frustration, and giving yourself time to answer, and review it before it's final, is a good thing.

I also think that I've broadened my horizons, understood how much variety of characters you find in people, how many different interests... and I've realized that both worlds, RL and SL, are always big enough to hold all the people, in all their diversity. Thanks to my experience in SL I've learned that not understanding why others like what they like means just that. It doesn't mean that your tastes or morals are better. It just means that you don't understand why others prefer other things than those you do, and you should not raise yourself as some kind of Internet White Knight trying to prove them wrong in their tastes/preferences/even kinks. I've learned how great is to live and let others live. I may not understand why others do other things, but that's all about it. And it's none of my business what they do with their private lives.

Notice how I say think, italics, instead of a straight think. Why am I doing this? Because I want to emphasize that I think I've learned those things, no that I have learned them. We're referring here to personal qualities, I may be very well wrong about them. I always say this: We are the worst judges about ourselves, and I am not going to make a exception with myself. So I think I've learned those things, but any of you could prove me wrong, and show that I have not learned them. Hence I think I have learned those things.

Of course, I have met some people that remind me, there are good people in the world. No matter we talk about SL or RL. And this brings me to her last answer. Strawberry says that thanks to SL, she's learned to grow a thicker skin. She talks about how nasty some people are, because they are hidden behind a computer, safe from our reactions, and how nowadays she doesn't feel much bothered by people who are nasty.

To the last thing, all I can say is, good for you. People on the Internet have no more power over you, than the power you give to them.

To the first thing... I don't completely agree.

Dark Fairy 3, in Flickr

Let me repeat something I've said above:

I think that I'm more diplomatic than I was when I'm behind a screen (Face to face, it seems that I continue to be the woman that will have her face broken some day, in some situations).

If the people are brave when they're behind a screen argument was completely true, then it's not possible that I continue to be the same reckless thing face to face (like I said, in some situations), while more moderate when behind the screen. Do you think I wouldn't tell you, face to face, the same things I've told you online? Test me. But some people won't test me, because they know, they cannot censor me like they do with all the mechanisms that the online world gives. (And of course, they will lie about the whole situation. I'm old enough to know the game.)

I am not saying, though, that many brave mouths behind a screen aren't actually cowards when confronted face to face. There are many of these real life cowards, oh yes. And it's fun to see their faces when you confront them in the real world and ask them to repeat what they told you in a forum. (I told you; one day, someone will break my mouth).

But not all brave mouths online are chickens in the real world. They can actually be moderate when online, and you would not want to listen to them face to face. You may think you don't want to hear them because omg the insults, but actually, the cases I've known are people who have the bad habit of telling the (always painful) truth, without using a single insult. Which, like if magic, turns into lots of insults in the mind of the person who didn't want to hear the truth.

There's another point I disagree with: That because we are in SL, we are anonymous. We may be anonymous right as we sign up: nobody knows us yet. But as time goes by, many of us develop a certain level of attachment to the virtual identity we've created. Many of us let the real us slip in our avatar's life and actions, make connections with other people. Once you have friends and a (virtual?) life, you feel that any words directed toward your avatar are directed to you. The real you. When Auryn Beorn writes something, it's the woman behind who does it, and she does exactly as she did when she signed with her real name in other forums. When someone says that Auryn Beorn is an idiot, I, the woman behind, know that the kind term of appreciation is directed to me. I also know that idiot is a boring choice, and I am the one who gives power (or not) to the person that called me idiot, by showing my reaction (or lack of).

Think about it: If we were really anonymous, why would people care so much about what's been said about their avatars? Because we aren't that anonymous. Knowing you isn't a matter of knowing your real name, where you live and your blood type. Knowing you is a matter of knowing how you think, how you feel, how you react. And you lose all anonymity as you interact with other people and let your real self slip in.

I haven't extended all I wanted in this topic, but I'm not doing for now because I know I could be writing for days, and at this point, not even my mother would be reading me. So let's continue talking about what else I think I have learned in the personal.

Something else I think I have learned is that many people seem genuinely surprised about how people can play games, be manipulative, etc., in SL, like if that never happened in RL. And it makes me think, a lot, about my own life.

I have never seen a behaviour in SL that I hadn't seen before in RL. In fact, the people I've known in RL are a lot worse than what I see in SL.

In SL I've been backstabbed. In RL I've been so tenfold. In SL I can barely trust people. In RL I trust even less people. In SL I've been betrayed. In RL, the wound is open for almost a decade, and it feels like it will never stop bleeding. The cruelest people (to me) have been my RL family and almost all of those I believed to be my RL friends.

So I think I have learned that people online aren't that bad as they can be in the real world. In fact, while people are online, they aren't hurting someone next to them (ok, there may be exceptions). They are distracted. I often say, half in jest, half serious, that smart politicians sure love Twitter, because while people are complaining in Twitter, they aren't on the streets fighting for their rights.

I think I have also learned to say no, and stay firm about it. It's something that translated to my real world, and I'm quite glad of it.

I also think I've developed an even worse sense of humor, because I can now make puns in two languages (to the horror of those that know me in RL, and know English).

I think I've let grow an artistic side of me that was repressed, and this is doing me good.

And this time, without think, I have learned that I really type too much. So I'll be leaving this here, because I can think of many more things to say, but at this point, half of you are sure sleeping =)

Have a great day! :-)

OUTFIT CREDITS

Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya
Mesh feet: Lara's feet, from Maitreya

Skin: Romy, Asia, from Glam Affair
Eyebrows: Romy Brow 01 E, from Glam Affair
Lipstick: Romy Lipstick Goddess 01, from Glam Affair
Eyes makeup: Romy Darkline 02, from Glam Affair
Freckles: Cassiopea Cosmetics, A (tn), from Glam Affair
Eyes: Phantom Eyes, Black Swan, from Dead Apples

Hair: Yunie (Garnet), from D!va
Headpiece: Isabella Headpiece, Black Gold, from Eudora 3D
Panties: Lycia, Black, from Baiastice
Necklace and earrings: Arabella Wild Pearls, from Maxi Gossamer
Corset: Anastasia corset (Night), from Junbug
Anklets and leg bands: Black regalia silks, from Angelwing
Wings: Titania Fairy Wings, from Deviance

Pose: Dark Fairy, set #3, Black Tulip (mine), coming for Oneword on March 1st

Have you ever...?

I think I'll be reviewing my personal policy about participating in Strawberry Singh's challenges, and maybe (just maybe) I'll join in some more than I used to (which was a number close to zero). This week, she proposes the Have you ever... in Second Life? challenge (questionnaire?), and since it looks fun, here I am, jumping in.

Meme Instructions: Copy and paste the following questions and answers to your post, delete my answers and input your own. Don’t forget to leave a link to your post in the comments so others can come by and read your answers as well!

1. Have you ever owned a sim in Second Life?
   Yes, the sim where the store, and home, are currently located.
2. Have you ever created content in Second Life?
   I would say so! (I do scripts, mesh, animations, textures, poses...)
3. Have you ever driven a vehicle in Second Life?
   Yes. That's how I found out that the sickness motion I experienced while watching my brother playing Doom, wasn't limited to it. And why one won't easily see me in a SL vehicle :-|
4. Have you ever gone sky diving in Second Life?
   No.
5. Have you ever played a sport in Second Life?
   If "Ooopsie, Platform Freefall" and "Strip Greedy" count, then yes!
6. Have you ever gone clubbing in Second Life?
   Many won't believe this, but... Yes. I can even name a club in SL! Ambrosia.
7. Have you ever fangirled/fanboyed someone in Second Life?
   I don't think so. Heck, I didn't fangirl in RL, one time when I had to meet with a TV celebrity because of an activity I was doing at the time. I even got him to take a beer while talking, and we laughed a lot :-)
8. Have you ever taken a picture of your avatar in water in Second Life?
   Yup. Water was my natural element during my first months in SL, because I found a rez area in a mainland sim. So while unpacking things and learning the interface, of course, I took pics. (Then, I have a water corner at home, where I take minimalist shots).
9. Have you ever taken a picture of a sunset in Second Life?
   I think the question would be... Have you never? I've done. I wonder if there's anybody that has not taken such a picture.
10. Have you ever taken a nude picture of your avatar in Second Life?
    Me? Naked pictures? Never! This photo and this other photo are NSFW figments of your imagination, and all the others I've never published, even more.
11. Have you ever dated in Second Life?
    I... would say so. Waves her hand to Ansel.
12. Have you ever had or attended a wedding in Second Life?
    Just one, because the guy is a good friend from RL (He poledanced for me in SL, in a horse avatar, after trying to cheer up an AI dog, poledancing as a dog). I'm partnered for long time now (SL-wise at least), together for even longer too, and a wedding wasn't among our plans. I don't feel comfortable at weddings in RL, and I felt odd at that one wedding in SL too. Except when they released the spiders on the dance floor. Then I felt more like at home.

This picture is from 2010. Please forgive my photo skills back then.
13. Have you ever drank, smoked or taken drugs in Second Life?
    Yes to drinking (Ansel and I love sharing wine), not to the other ones. I don't smoke nor do drugs in RL, and I don't find it appealing either in SL. I've had a history of breathing issues and long time sickness over second-hand smoke, and even virtual smoke makes me feel uncomfortable.
14. Have you ever engaged in sexual activity in Second Life?
    Me? Sexual activity in Second Life? Looks to the side. Then to the other side. What can I say! These things happen! (Yes. I've engaged in sexual activity in Second Life. As often as I can.)
15. Have you ever been to Bukkake Bliss in Second Life?
    No that I know. I've been to a free sex dungeon or something like that, back when I was still some kind of new to SL, the summer of 2009. Why? Am I missing on a fun place?

That's it! I've tried to avoid just short "yes" or "no" answers, so you have further blackmail material. Have a great day!

SL Yearbook Smile Challenge

The New Year is here, and it seems that Strawberry Singh will be back to her Monday memes, as she explains in her post. So, what is the topic this time, and why I've decided to jump in? Let's read the directions:

Meme instructions: Share an image of your Second Life avatar smiling for a yearbook photo.

When I was a teenager, there wasn't such a thing as yearbooks in Spain. Although I've played a lot being a school girl in SL (shush!), I couldn't make my mind for this one. I'm not sure if I ever smiled while at high school, and had there been such a thing as a yearbook in Spain, I would have likely not shown up for the photo shoot. For many reasons, the only one I want to share being, because I don't like that people take photos of me in RL. Take from that whatever you prefer, and if you prefer to think that because she's so ugly she would make the camera lenses to commit suicide, then so be it.

The only way I've found to deal with pain (and only temporarily) is to stick my tongue out at it, so although I know I haven't followed the meme rules, I want this to be my "Yearbook smile" photo:

Did you smile when seeing it?
Have a great day :-)

Cover book challenge: The neverending scripting

Normally I don't participate in these, but this time I had a couple of minutes free (plus, the idea came straight to my mind), so what the heck, this is my cover book for Strawberry Singh's meme, Second Life Book cover meme. It doesn't take knowing too much of me, to figure out why everything in this cover :-)

Credits

Original book: The neverending story
Fonts used: Bistream Vera Serif Bold (Title), Delphine (Author)

Skin: Lulu (Jamaica) - Glam Affair
Shape: My own
Hair: Gaia - Truth
Slink Hands (Relaxed) - Siddean Munro
Slink Medium Feet - Siddean Munro
Frill Bikini Top (Coral) - G Field
Yoga Pants (Black) - Rebel Hope
R prop with equation and pose, DREAMING set - My own (Black Tulip)

Another meme for me! (Introspection)

Well, second time in a year that I join one of Strawberry Singh's challenges! Surely I'm not having more free time this year than the previous ones, but I'm having the chance of using more of that time for myself. Plus I've just finished setting up everything I could have ready today for one of the events I've signed up (Creators Winter Market), so I think I may have a moment of relax.

This time, her challenge is devoted to introspection. Since I'm kind of an introvert person, it makes me want to answer those questions.

Meme instructions: Answer the following questions and don't forget to leave a link to your post in the comments.

• Regardless of your current number, how old do you actually feel?
  It depends on the situation. At times I feel like the child I could never be, left alone in a toy store. At times I feel like the teenager I could never be, daydreaming of love while looking at the flowers. A few times I've felt already dead. The rest of the time I feel ageless. I just don't know.
• Which is worse, failing or never trying?
  Both.
• If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
  I would not change the way I live my life.
• Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
  Both.
• Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
  A worried genius.
• Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
  Yes. Although I know, I'm not the kind of friend that the majority would want.
• Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
  Yes.
• At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
  This year.
• If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
  No. I would invest that in making my future safe. I've always loved what I do for a living.
• If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
  My partner. Everybody else that matters in my life, I see them daily.
• What do you feel is the difference between being alive and truly living?
  Feeling in peace with yourself.
• If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
  Because many will never forgive us and give us the chance of correcting our mistakes, regardless of what they say.
• What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
  Probably, nothing.
• If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
  People lie. Even your parents. Nobody is sacred. Don't put your trust on what social conventions tell you to do. Even your parents may betray you.

So, that's it. It didn't hurt :-)

A "meme" for me!

I follow almost every Monday the "memes" from Strawberry Singh. They normally go into personal things, and I honestly feel I'm not that interesting and just let them go. However, if I ever decide to be a stalker, I sure will go back into all her "challenges" and all the posts that people have written as an answer, to have profiles of people I'd like to harass.

This week's "meme" ("interview", I'd say) has broken my barriers and it's one I'd like to complete, even though I know that barely nobody reads me here (say hi, mom). The Zodiac. It sure inspires pictures in my mind about magic, mysteries and stories. But when we come back down to reality, things are quite different to me.

1. What is your birthday and/or Zodiac sign?
   
   My exact birthday isn't too relevant. I was born by the end of the year. For those that like trivia, I'd say that my birthday happens when in Spain we have our own "fools day" sort of thing (we don't do April's fools, but we do another day in the year: that day is my birthday, and I know, I did a bad prank to my mother, I'm always said that and it got old when I was 10 years old.)
   
   That would mean that my Zodiac sign is Capricorn. However, I have to bring bad news here. I am not a Capricorn. The Zodiac was established more than two thousand years ago, by arbitrarily dividing the sky in 12 areas, and the qualities assigned to people were based upon the animals/figures that people then, thought that were seeing. So, Leo people, feel happy that the ancients saw a lion there, and not a trash can.
   
   I will not even go to the matter that the visible divisions in the South hemisphere differ from those we see in the North, that the divisions actually have not the same size (Capricorn is smaller than Virgo, for example, so there should be less days of Capricorn), and that 12 isn't the correct number of arbitrary divisions anyway.
   
   Is it relevant somehow, that these arbitrary divisions of the sky were done more than 2000 years ago? You bet it is. Because of something called "precession of the equinox" (here and here), it turns out that I'm not even a Capricorn. I'm a Sagitarius. Well, that, if I'm taking the version where the 12 signs span for the same time. If I take the accurate version where the more than 12 signs have different duration, I could even be Ophiuchus (actually no... but I always wanted to be Ophiuchus!)
   
   So this pretty much sums up why saying my exact birthday isn't relevant anyway to determine my Zodiac sign. If I were to pick the exact one, astrologers wouldn't want to "read my future", because that would make them to be aware... That I already know what they're talking about.
   
2. Do you believe in or follow astrology?
   
   That is a wrongly put question. Astrology does exist. The question would be, do I believe in what astrology states? And then, the answer is a clear "no". What does "follow astrology" mean anyway? If I read about it? Sure I've read about it, and I will continue to read about it. If I follow the advice I'm given based upon my birthday? I can't follow any advice about my future that comes from a person that isn't capable of winning lottery tickets every time. (Yes, I know, "your powers aren't for that", but you either make excuses, or you actually prove that you can read the future.)
   
   However, I would like to do some clarifications about where my "no" comes from. They belong to the next question.
   
3. Do you feel your sign's attributes reflect who you are?
   
   Astrology profiles rely in qualities that every people share in a high percentage. Let me prove this.
   
   I can see that you're a kind and loving person. Protective of your family, you may engage in arguments to defend their good soul. You're open to new experiences, however some situations may make you feel shy. Normally you will work hard to achieve your goals, however, at times you will prefer to give up on some, to favor someone else. You have a high sense of honor, and will defend your principles. Humor might be a part of your life, however you don't take that as an excuse to abuse from the weaker ones.
   
   Have I been accurate?
   
   Notice the use of words such as "maybe", "normally"... and when I've said something without those adverbs, it's been to highlight good qualities ("kind", "loving person"...), which we always believe we are and are eager to hear from a stranger. (Who is really open to admit "I'm a cheater", "I'm a backstabber", "I rip the work from others"...? And why those traits never show up in horoscopes?)
   
   The usual lack of self criticism sure helps in our astrology profile to fit :o) (Remember that it will fit in what we believe we are, not in what we really are.)
   
   What I've done by writing that "profile" is using a technique that belongs to the whole set of "mind tricks" called cold reading, and because of a psychological effect named confirmation bias, we will seek correctness in the prediction if we believe in astrology, which will continue to strengthen our belief in it.
   
   That, and not the scientific evidence, is what "makes" astrology to be "true" (Only for the people that believe in it! But planes fly for everybody. Think about that.)
   
   Do the following experiment: Read any random astrology profile, and then tell me if you, honestly, aren't like that. In that case, I will show you the similarities with the profile you say you don't fit in, and your own Zodiac sign's profile.
   
   So, to sum it up... I would believe that who I am is reflected by my sign's attributes... if I were to admit that simplified, horizontal and "Mary Poppins" alike version of ourselves that astrology gives from each one of us. Plus, have you ever even considered as a feasible fact that there are really just 12 kind of people in the whole world? Doesn't that sound like quite limiting in the complexities an human being shows? What sign the assassins are then?
   
   But perhaps, the most important question is... Are you really allowing that a belief with no evidence supporting it, tells you how you are, and sets you in one from twelve plain, boring profiles?
   
4. Have you ever been to a psychic or astrologer either in RL or in SL (are there any in SL?)
   
   Yes in RL. I get to do very weird (and at times, risky) things in order to have answers to my questions. Needless to say, predictions failed. Perhaps it's my scent.
   
   I know there are astrologers in SL, and I'm really curious about what they'll read about me (Anyone interested? I am! IM me!)
   
   I also have to say that I find interesting to see the words "psychic" and "astrologer" mixed in the same question, because they aren't the same.
   
5. Do you read your horoscope daily and try to follow any advice, recommendations or warnings it may have for you that day?
   
   I don't read it daily, and when I read it, I do it for fun. In fact, each time I read a different sign, and oh my God! They're always so right it scares me! ("You're about to face a change: Be careful". Oh really?)
   
6. Do you have very strong feelings about astrology, either negative or positive?
   
   Despite of all I've explained, I don't have "hard feelings" against astrology. I may like jewelry with my sign... or other signs (I really love to bait strangers into making them think they will know me just by knowing my sign). I may write stories with a paranormal plot, mixing the Zodiac... That's okay, as long as I know that all of it belongs to the realm of fantasy.
   
   Actually, I think that it's kind of stupid to have "hard feelings" against an idea, any. To put an extreme example, the idea of fascism doesn't appeal to me, but what scares me is the people that embrace it, not the idea itself. The idea will not come to my house and kidnap and torture/kill me because of my own ideas. Some people will do it, given the chance. Having "hard feelings" against an idea also doesn't allow you to learn more about, and will take from you the chance of even knowing if you're falling into that idea you say you dislike so much.
   
   However, there's something I would like to point out. Believing in something without evidence makes you an easy target for predators (you will say you don't fall for that - heard it before, seen people fall), and opens the door for you to believe in more things without evidence... which increases the number of predators that may (and will) take advantage of you. When those beliefs enter into leaving others taking decisions about anything important to your life (health, sex, money, work, relationships...), consider yourself a puppet of some sorts (I know, you aren't a puppet... been there, seen that, got the t-shirt). And I tell you, that's the only trait that astrology profiles should write down, if they were about telling the truth about ourselves.
   
   If it's just for fun... bring it on!
   
   What I've found is that, when people learn about my not believing in astrology, and ask about my reasons... once I start explaining, they stop me to say "Why are you trying so hard in making me stop believing in it? So much of a closed mind you are, so afraid you are of astrology being true, that you spit all this crap on me?"
   
   To this, I have a couple of things to add.
   
   Thing #1, if you don't want to hear the answer, then don't do the question. I'm not trying to make you not believe, but explaining why I don't, since you asked. If you can't tell the difference, you have a problem.
   
   Thing #2, if I were a closed mind, I wouldn't have studied astrology in detail (Did you know about the precession? Did you ever think about what's the astrological sign of an assassin? Ever considered why twins aren't identical psychological profiles? Ever realized that astrology profiles only highlight good traits and just mildly "bad" ones that are turned into good anyway? Don't call me a closed mind then)... and if you were an open mind, you would give some consideration to what I explain to you... which isn't but an answer to your question. You are free to believe without evidence if you so wish, I will not stop you :-)
   

My two cents. Have everybody a nice day :-)