My previous post, "Lost in the woods" - World Goth Fair is almost here, was a little harsher than I use to write. I've had interesting feedback; here, in the SL Feed and in Plurk, and it's likely a topic that my mind will continue to shape.
Something that I found interesting is that people who laugh with no malice and no harm intention, were the ones thinking about what I said. It's interesting because those that point and laugh, exactly in the way I explained, are the ones that didn't say a word. Maybe they didn't read it, maybe they did and they thought this is not me. I cannot know if they don't say, but I think it's relevant no matter the reason.
I'm going to talk a little more about the maybe they did and they thought 'this is not me' case, for in my mind, this mindset is closely related either to bullies, or to (willful?) blindness about them.
Bullying is an issue, we all know this, even if only because we repeat the mantra bullies are evil. Sadly, the fact that some people repeat it like a mantra, singing a song without understanding the lyrics, doesn't help to the issue.
It doesn't help because bullies often point themselves as victims, and scream that their victims are bullies (that's the kind of statement that seems quite easy to believe without evidence). If you're one of these people that just recites the mantra, but have given no thought at the particular situation, you may be indeed supporting a bully. I know, you know better than to be manipulated. Heard the song before, got the t-shirt. Given my experience in life, allow me to raise an eyebrow over your confidence that you know better than to be manipulated.
Identifying an actual victim, someone who isn't attention whoring, or trying to divert from the fact that they're the ones bullying, is a problem for the real victims. As humans, we err on the safe side of providing attention and sympathy to anyone saying they have a problem, instead of exerting some kind of critical scrutiny and considering, before showing our support, if the person could be lying. In fact, it's socially not accepted that you have doubts, because how you dare, don't you see the poor person suffering, what kind of monster are you... Bully! (Don't you see the irony there?)
You know, I would like, I really would like, not having to think if someone is lying to me when they say they're suffering. I really would like if I could blindly offer sympathy and support. But in a world where I've seen more monsters portraying themselves as victims, than victims, I feel I do well in raising an eyebrow when someone screams I'm a victim!, no matter if society gives me the side eye.
People lie, and it is my right to be skeptical. When I make questions, I don't do them because I want to further dig inside your injury. I do because sadly too many people are professional victims and in being such professionals, wow, they are inflicting tremendous damage to the real victims. This damage is that many others begin to doubt, and make questions that hurt when you're a real victim, because sadly, what if they're lying is a legitimate question in this world. Some people doubt because of bullies that portray themselves as victims, because of professional victims that make a catastrophe in their lives from a broken nail, because of people that constantly scream foul at the minimal opposition they find.
This only hurts the real victims, which often are blamed of what happened to them, while bullies seem to have easy gathering the sympathy, help and resources that belong to the victims, during the time that others have the blind on about them (and this can be a long time). I don't know about you, but this is something that concerns me a lot.
Remember when I published Mean comments? My take on the topic? That article was somehow applauded, and I swear my eyes rolled really hard at some of the people who did: Professional victims. Exactly the kind of people I warned about. The lack of self awareness is certainly strong in those that always, always, always, make it about themselves when someone else is talking about their problems. "I sure understand you, because when [insert here the it's all about me story, I wasn't really listening to you, I just want to talk about myself and how unfair life is to me, me-me-me]". That's one of the reasons why I wonder more about (some) people who didn't respond to my previous post, than about the people who did respond.
I know that this is a recurrent topic in this blog. But while bullies continue to portray themselves as victims, the world has one (among many other) serious problem, and I feel like talking about it.
At times I've read that we support bullies when we're merely bystanders and don't stand by the victims. I think a little differently. I think that we support bullies when we don't realize who they are, and in defending the one we believe is the victim, we're defending the tormentor instead. We support bullies when we do not think critically and let instead our heart ruling us (particularly if the bully could be a friend/family/lover - or the victim is someone we dislike).
Before choosing sides, I want to make sure of who is who, no matter their relationship with me. And I feel no shame for that.
Have a great day :-)
Mesh body: Lara, from Maitreya
Mesh hands: Lara's hands, from Maitreya
Mesh feet: Slink High feet, from Slink
Mesh head: Lilith 2.0, from Genesis Lab
Ears: Lilith head ears, from Genesis Lab
Eyes: Lilith eyes, from Genesis Lab
Skin: Milk tone applier of the Lilith head
Hair: Justine, from Pale Empress
Dress: Charlotte gown, from Pale Empress
Necklace: Severina, Medallion Collar, Red, from Pale Empress
Shoes: Persephone ribbon slippers, from Pale Empress
Poses: Lost in the woods, Black Tulip (mine), out now for World Goth Fair.
Windlight: [TOR] DUSK - Siennarel
Landscaping: Studio Skye, several kits; Turnip skydome